What do you do when love becomes an obsession? What do you do when the one you love cheats and crushes you because they hate themselves?
Loving an abusive partner can be confusing. You know they are hurting you. You want to leave them but you stay because you believe they will change.
An estimation of 10 million adults in the United States experience abuse by their intimate or romantic partner. So if you are living with an abuser, you are not alone.
Abriana was brutally bruised with a hot iron after she dumbed her Italian-based Millionaire boyfriend, George.
Abriana was an escort when she met George. They met at a club in Italy and their romance took off from there.
Although George was married, with three kids, he moved to London with Abriana. He gave Abriana everything she wanted but asked that she stops her escort job.
Shortly after they moved to London, Abriana started to see George’s true colors. He controlled Abriana. He beat her up, blackmailed her, and once tried to run her over with his Lamborghini after a fight.
George’s love turned into an obsession. He became the monster in the flesh. Abriana couldn’t take it anymore so she broke off the relationship and moved back to Italy.
When George learned that Abriana was back in Italy, he flew there to meet her. He was angry that Abriana had returned to her former business.
George visited Abriana at her parent’s house to resolve their conflict. He wanted Abriana back but she refused.
She was done with the fighting and threats.
George got furious. He grabbed her by the neck and tried to strangle her. Abriana managed to lose his grip on her. She ran into her bedroom and locked herself up, then called the police.
Before the police arrived, George had kicked down the door and burnt Abriana face with a hot iron.
George was arrested and charged to court. He was found guilty of assault and battery and was sentenced to four-year imprisonment.
There are more victims like Abriana out there and no one blames the abuser
The internet is flooded with high-profile cases of domestic violence. Not even our pretty celebrities can escape the shackles of emotional and physical abuse.
Selma Blair got a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend, Ron Carlson after is smashed her head against a wall. She passed out, only to be given a slap on her face when she woke up.
Robin Givens was referred to as the most hated woman in America after she opened up about her abusive marriage to Mike Tyson.
Stars including Halle Berry and Tina Turner have shared their personal experiences to show fans and victims that domestic violence can happen to anyone and that survivors can thrive, in spite of, traumatic abuse.
What’s more disturbing than these crimes is that the abusers get away with it. Indeed, despite apparent evidence by culprits — admitting to their offenses, the victims are compelled to justify the actions of their abusers.
In some societies, when a woman is married, she’s under an obligation to accept the blame and keep her family together no matter what. The need to appear as the ideal partner can force women to live with an abusive partner.
More reasons why abused victims stay with their abusers
Emotional abuse is difficult to spot because it builds up over time. The abuser may seem wonderful in the initial stages. As the relationship progress, controlling behaviors may begin to develop.
First, he yells at you or ignores you when you need his attention on something. If you continue to stay with him, he increases his tact. He moves to insulting and blaming you for things that are not your fault.
At this point, the abuse begins to appear as “the same old thing,” he might throw things when he’s furious. Then he will throw them at you and eventually, throw you too. Or hit you.
You’ve ignored the small scores, now you make excuses for the bigger ones thinking he must be stressed from work. You refuse to accept the changes you see, you forgive him because you love him.
But to your surprise, the abuse doesn’t end. He resumes a pattern of beating and apologizing. It is extremely frightening and challenging for a person to break free from this type of abuse.
After many years of seeing my relative go through this, leaving and returning to her abuser, I wonder why doesn’t she just leave permanently.
Most people assume that a woman in an abusive relationship makes the choice to stay and that she has the power to end the abuse by leaving.
A lot of people in abusive relationships stay in them because they love the abuser and think that things will change.
They believe their partner’s behavior is due to tough times or that they can change their partner if they improve themselves.
However, leaving an abusive relationship is not only downright upsetting, it can also be dangerous. Truth be told, the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is after the breakup.
Women are 77% times more likely to be killed in the weeks after leaving their abusive partner than at any other time during the relationship.
Some harmful partners may use manipulation which leads to doubt and confusion about your feelings and what happens next.
They will gaslight or project to make you unsure of yourself and your feelings. This can make it difficult to understand why you love someone who hurts you.
There is incredible pressure to be in a perfect relationship, and some cultures and social media only accentuate this pressure.
People in abusive relationships often feel humiliated when they admit that their partner is harmful due to a paranoid fear of being judged, blamed, minimized, pitied, or belittled.
It’s no wonder that countless victims of abuse feel the need to keep quiet or risk their well-being to keep up with their respect with discreet persistence. The feeling of fear of being rejected by society is the most terrifying possibility that exists.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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