The Not-So-Comfort-Zone of a Relationship

More often than not, we deal with the fear of loss worse than the loss itself. While losses can be grieved, compensated, or overcome, there is no antidote to fear. Even if love has been constantly letting us down, the idea of letting go of it is often too hard.

We tend to live under denial until a partner who we let comfortably be zoned at the receiving end enervates us. An honest intent to save the relationship is blind to the signboards of a much used term these days — ‘red flag’. Such love continues to progress on a track where the onus is one-sided, shifting the balance to eventually drip like a burden at one end.

Honestly wonder —
What goes on in a one-sided love dynamic?
Is the cold conversation out of estrangement or disinterest? Are the reasons behind unavailability genuine or made up? Is your partner present in a relationship that you both are in? If not, do they know? Had they known, would they act?

Only if you were a mystic you could read the soul of your loved one like a script and underline notes that would answer these questions, because it is more important to you to save the relationship than to doubt your partner’s intentions to nurture it. But if you have constantly felt off by the vibes, words, or gestures of your partner, then you nearly have an answer and

it is not necessary to have rational grounds to trust the intuition.

As an unchallenged fact, it is draining to be in an equation where you’re forbidden to expect basic communication and respect. It is aching to be at a place where you have to poke the person to see you, where no one ever cares to seek you.

Have you ever been to a gathering that you did not belong to? Being greeted with fake pleasantries sure gave out a momentary sense of inclusion but it didn’t mean that you were welcome in a real sense.

Yeah, one-sided love feels exactly that.

If a one-sided relationship was to be played on stage, the receiving partner would be a passive actor. The whole act would be played by the investing partner depicting —

Behind every drop that is continually being served even after the cup is empty, are the fright of ending up alone, the agony of losing someone close, the hollowness of loneliness, and sadness of remembering unmet goals of happiness.

If you were seeking to grow out of one-sided love —

The precursor is to understand that none of us is a superhero and feelings do not shed like dead skin. Allow time to let the hurt of detaching from a piece of your heart sync in.
To survive a separation, a better course of action could be to ensure that you set aside something really meaningful that can refill the void of your partner’s absence. It could protect you on days after the split when you’re vulnerable to attract toxic interactions.
More simply put, the day you realize you need to step up and step out does not necessarily have to be the day to call it off. You can gradually withdraw, slowly shut, until you’re comfortable with the idea of moving out completely.
It does not have to be abrupt. Plus, it is okay if, for a brief time, you are the only person who knows that the relationship did not work buffering that same time to heal and recover. And it’s not unfair to utilize a part of your time together to get accustomed to time apart.
All you need to do is to wake up each day feeling more confident about being capable of leading a completely normal and happy life. A life, that your current partner will not be present in.

With time, one of the two things is bound to happen and both are equally perfect for you —
Either your significant other would break the comfort shell and gesture to compensate for their part that was missing all this while OR
You would have drifted further on the opposite side.
Either way, no one falls, the balance stays, none of the side drips.

Very positively hopefully you two would hold hands together to the glory of love. If not that, be assured, only for the better, you’ll raise the same hands to pray for each other.

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Previously published on medium

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