The One Thing You Should Never Compromise in a Relationship

I knew my relationship with Dan wouldn’t work out the moment I realized I was always the one who initiated every catch-up.

I tried not to overthink about how much I had to also pay for our lunches because, you know, I didn’t want to be that stingy person with her money.

But the more I let it slide, the more I suffered emotionally.

He could claim that he loved me 10x per day, but that didn’t erase that feeling that he was taking me for granted.

We heard all the time that compromising in a relationship is important. It’s the main recipe to keep it going.

“And no relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater.” — Sarah Dessen

While it makes sense that we have to compromise in order to keep the relationship healthy, not everyone knows how to do it the “right way.” Many ended up giving too much with nothing in return.

What happens when you’re over compromising?

You pretty much feel burned out.

Nothing is more draining than staying with someone who only cares “what’s in it?” without thinking about what things they can offer instead. This doesn’t only apply to a romantic relationships but also friendships in general.

“A healthy relationship is one in which love enriches you; not imprisons you.” — Steve Maraboli

I’ve been there too many times where I put more effort than I should’ve. I’ve also had those moments where I intentionally gave more because I thought that’d change people’s minds and maybe, just maybe — they’d care more about me.

But of course, that’s not how it works. When you find yourself over-compromising, the best thing you can do is to stop. Take a step back and reevaluate if you truly want to be with this person.

At some point, you need to be honest with yourself that things aren’t looking good, and either you fix the issue or let it go.

Trust me, if they love you enough, they’ll do something to make the efforts somehow “even.”

But how do you really know if you’ve hit your limit? How do you know when you compromise too much?

The easiest thing to see is being aware of how you feel. Do you feel like you start to become this unhappy version of yourself that you haven’t seen before? Can you finally see the bad pattern from your partner?

You need to answer those questions honestly. Not many people out there understand your struggles, so being your own best friend can go a long way.

I knew I got that wake-up call I needed the moment I admitted my ex didn’t love me as much as I loved him. Just because he said it, it didn’t mean it was true. I couldn’t keep covering for him and think everything was fine while I was unhappy inside.

There’s one thing you should never compromise.

I’ve seen my mom over-compromising in all her 3 past marriages. It’s sad to see, but there’s only so much I could do to stop her back then.

Sure, compromise is still one of the best ways to make your partner happy, but you don’t have to compromise everything.

In fact, there’s one thing you should never ever compromise — no matter how much you love your partner.

And it’s your values and worth.

The way you see yourself and all the things that make you feel alive and happy. No one should make you feel like you don’t deserve the best things in life.

“A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams, or your dignity.” — Dinkar Kalotra

Some women in my village quit their job because their husbands wanted them to. However, it’s obvious that being a teacher was their dream job. The husband wanted to feel like he was the “man” in the house and didn’t like the idea that women could work too.

So these women end up feeling so lost in life because now all they do is take care of kids and cook at home.

I’m not saying this isn’t a good job, but at the same time, you don’t have to sacrifice your goal and big dreams just because someone else asks you to (even if it’s your significant other).

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Previously Published on medium

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