What’s keeping men from the life-preserving benefits in the women’s world?
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Carlin and I often watch Book-TV on weekends and listen to the latest non-fiction books. Today we heard Eileen Pollack talking about her book, The Only Woman in the Room: Why Science is Still a Boys’ Club. She talks about the ways that women have been excluded from studying science and math and other areas of life that have been traditionally associated with the “Boys’ Club.” But I’ve found that men may be having an even more difficult time getting into the doors of the “Girls’ Club.” What’s more, our failure to gain access may be killing us.
Here are some disturbing facts about men:
- Men live sicker and die sooner than do women.
- Men and boys have higher age-adjusted death rates than women and girls for nearly all 15 leading causes of death including heart disease, cancer, stroke, accidents, diabetes, kidney disease, liver disease, suicide, and homicide.
The only exception is Alzheimer’s disease where women die at higher rates than men. And even before we die of these diseases we suffer their effects at rates higher than do women.
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Men eat more junk, eat too much, eat more meat, and eat fewer fruits and vegetables than do women.
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Until recently most people accepted the fact that the male body breaks down sooner than women’s bodies. We believed it was merely a part of our nature. Though some of the difference may result from simply being male, a great deal results from the way we live. Based on recent research, men’s health expert, Will Courtenay, found a number of key factors that contribute to men’s loss of health including the following:
We visit physicians less and have far fewer health check-ups than women do.
One of my male clients quipped with typical male gallows humor. “I go to the doctor for my yearly health check-ups….Once every ten or fifteen years.”
We are less likely to practice self-care. One recent study of a random sample of 6,000 health maintenance-organization members found that 77% of the women conducted self-screenings for cancer compared to 45% of the men. Sleep is another form of self-care, and we get far less sleep than women do. Even among a national sample of 11,000 health-conscious respondents, the men reported sleeping an average of 6 hours to women’s 8.21.
Our diets are worse than women’s. Food expert Michael Pollan summarized the best advice on diet: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” Men eat more junk, eat too much, eat more meat, and eat fewer fruits and vegetables than do women.
We drink more and use more drugs. One man joked about not having a drinking problem. “I drink, I get drunk. I fall down…No problem.”
Lack of social connection may be the biggest cause of male death and disability.
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We engage in more risk-taking than do women. For instance, Dr. Countenay found that men are more likely than women to drive dangerously. Motor vehicle-related fatalities account for nearly half of all unintentional injury deaths and men are 2 1/2 times more likely to die in accidents than are women.
We engage in more violence. We are much more likely than women to be both the perpetrators and the victims of violence. For example, nearly one half of men nationally have been punched or beaten by another person, compared to one quarter of women.
We have fewer social supports than women. We have fewer, less intimate friendships than women and are less likely to have a close confidant, particularly someone other than a spouse. Some researchers have even concluded that most of us have no close friends at all.
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Lack of social connection may be the biggest cause of male death and disability. In their book Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection researchers John Cacioppo and William Patrick say that “social isolation is on a par with high blood pressure, obesity, lack of exercise, or smoking as a risk factor for illness and early death.” Now that surprised me. I never would have thought that lack of social connections could actually cause serious medical problems. I believe that it was the lack of social connection that lead to the bipolar disorder and depression that almost killed my father and causes men to commit suicide at rates 3 to 18 times higher than women’s.
For a number of years after I joined Weight-Watchers, I was one of very few men. Even though I tried to encourage other men to join me, I was often the only man there.
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Over the years I’ve learned that women seem to give and get more support than do men and many of the healthiest and most engaging social groups are predominantly female, and men often feel excluded. Like Dr. Pollack who persevered and got her degree in physics and math, I’ve persevered and been the “only man in the room” in many social groups. But, like, Pollack, I’ve felt the negative judgments and subtle and, not so subtle, barriers. Here are a few of the rooms where I was a distinct minority.
The baby sitting co-op. When my wife and I were a young couple we were part of a baby sitting co-op. We would sit for other couple’s kids and then be able to have sitters when we wanted to get away. Things were fine until she and I split up. Single moms were welcome in the co-op. However, I was looked at suspiciously. One woman asked why I would want to baby sit for other people’s small children. My answer, “The same reason you do. I love children and I’d like to get away for an evening sometime.”
The feminist bookstore. I still have my copy of Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique. I saw then, and see now, that the change in consciousness that would bring about women’s liberation would free me as well. But when I went to one of the biggest feminist bookstores in San Francisco, back in the day, it was clear that men were tolerated, but not welcomed.
Weight-Watchers. Like many people I have trouble eating well and keeping my weight down. For a number of years after I joined Weight-Watchers, I was one of very few men. Even though I tried to encourage other men to join me, I was often the only man there.
But the barriers that keep men from enjoying the benefits of women’s world seem to still be firmly in place.
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Zumba class. When a woman friend told me she was starting a Zumba class, I asked, “What the hell is a Zumba class?” She explained it was a fun way to exercise to music. I joined and loved it. I’ve been going 2 or 3 times a week for the last four years. Again, I’m one of the only men who attend and although I’m welcomed by some, others clearly are uncomfortable with my presence.
Water aerobics. The one public pool in Willits closed a number of years ago and rather than waiting for public funds to build a new one, a local woman built her own pool and opened it up to friends in the community. When my wife was invited, I asked if it was open to men. There was a reluctant, “I guess so.” I’ve been going, but again I’m one of few men who attend.
Chamber of Commerce Women in Business forum. Our local Chamber of Commerce is quite forward thinking and enlightened. When they started a women-in-business group, I was encouraged. They have great speakers and lots of support for local business people. I asked if I could join, since I’m a local business person. They said, “We’ve been talking about it, but haven’t decided. Women have special needs for support and men have always had the “old boy’s network.” That answer didn’t satisfy me.
To paraphrase the older woman diner in When Harry Met Sally: “I want what she’s having.”
The barriers that have prevented women from fully participating in the world that had once been reserved for men seem to be dropping. But the barriers that keep men from enjoying the benefits of women’s world seem to still be firmly in place. Until they change, I believe, men will continue to live sicker and die sooner. That is a tragedy for men, women, and children.
I’d be very interested in your comments. I invite you to visit me at www.MenAlive.com and see how we are opening the world for all.
The Only Man in the Room: What’s Keeping Men From the Life-Preserving Benefits in Women’s World?
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With regards to aerobic and Zumba classes I generally shy away from doing them because 1) I’m not the most coordinated of people and 2) I tend to sweat a lot when I work out. It’s embarrassing to have sweat dripping off me everywhere as I’m jumping, hopping or kicking. It also makes me very self conscious because I can’t help but think any women around me would be grossed out by a profusely sweating man next to them. This is why I exercise in different ways scuh as cycling, running and wieght lifting, where it is much more socially… Read more »
It is important to find a place where we feel comfortable. But we often restrict ourselves needlessly. I sweat like crazy in Zumba as do a number of the women in class. No one seems to mind or notice. I’m teaching them to do some high 5s and I suspect many really enjoy having a little more testosterone in the room.
Thanks for the comments. I think its time we all stood up, stepped up, and moved up to embrace those things that are truly masculine, i.e. good health, good friends, good times. For too long we’ve been shamed into feeling that anything “feminine” is not masculine. Instead, we can embrace the reality that anything a man does is masculine: Zumba, water aerobics, knitting, riding a bicycle with a scooped out frame, Hey, if I do it and I’m a man, it must be masculine.
Excellent article. As a man who sporadically takes Zumba classes and has attended few water aerobics classes, I can attest firsthand to the fact that a number of men are intimidated by participating in activities that are deemed as unmascuiline. I think some of this is both age and regional based. Younger men, 35 and under do not seem to be as conscious of appearing less manly by taking certain fitness classes. Urban guys are also more likely to engage in such activities as well as opposed to their rural counterparts.
When we were looking for martial arts schools, one of the reasons we picked taejwondo was because of the perceived exercise benefits. Maybe it’s because it’s also a sport. I remember seeing a fitness chart. I don’t really remember the categories. There were like 5 of them. It was muscle groups for sure and maybe cardio. Kick boxing was one of the few sports that registered on all the categories. You need to be able to absorb a hit (strong, hard core) as well as delivering one. I remember reading some feminist hate even today for Movember. One of the… Read more »