We had met 6 months ago in the oddest of circumstances. I was flying to Bali in early 2020 to meet up with a friend from the U.S. We were going to tour Bali together before I headed off to other parts of Asia.
En route to Bali, my friend met an Indonesian woman returning home from Europe because of her brother’s tragic passing. The two women found themselves in transit on the way to Bali and spent a night in the transit lounge chatting with each other about their lives. My friend mentioned that she was coming to Bali to tour Bali with me.
When they arrived in Bali, the Indonesian woman and I found out that we had much in common. We both were from Asian countries but had lived in the west most of our lives. We both had gone through our fair share of heartbreaks, and she had been divorced too. She wanted to return to Asia and live closer to her family. She was smart, simple, spiritual, and beautiful!
Soon after, we started spending most of the day together. I met her parents and grandparents, who were all in mourning because of the loss of her brother but were friendly and respectful when we spoke. Our friendship became something that her family took solace in. They could stop talking about the death and grief of their son’s passing when talking to me.
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The pandemic brought us together.
We had met in Bali and gotten to know each other before the great pandemic of 2020 had begun. Our relationship developed quickly before we both had to return to our respective countries.
She returned to Europe, and I returned to Malaysia when the thick of the worldwide lockdowns started. There was nothing better for us to do than get to know each other during the lockdown, where we both had to spend 24 hours indoors. There was no place to go for both of us, and we had all the time in the world.
We soon got to know everything about each other’s lives, each other’s friends, and even more about each other’s families. While the distance was usually a challenge in relationships, we had deep and meaningful conversations. I learned about her simple childhood, how she started working from an early age, and how she left Indonesia to earn a living abroad. I learned how she became the wage-earner and breadwinner for her family as a teenager, sending money back home every month.
We spoke for hours a day and months at a time, thanks to the pandemic. We grieved her brother’s passing. We shared our regrets and sadness about our previous marriage and relationships. We spoke about our dreams and ambitions. We spoke about our families and our futures. We spoke about education and children. We spoke about the similarities of our respective cultures but the differences of our religions.
As we got to know each other more intimately and learn everything about each other’s lives over a 6 month period, we were sold on each other. How could we meet? How could we live together and possibly start a life together?
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Lockdowns and travel restrictions tore us apart.
As we continued to fall for and in love with each other, the world around us became more distant. While our love for each other was pulling us closer together, the pandemic pushed us further apart. As I read the papers, conditions in Europe were worsening. She couldn’t travel out of Europe, and I couldn’t travel in. More and more countries in Europe were banning anyone from coming in.
Month after month, we would find more restrictions and regulations that kept us apart. Our hope for a fast reunion was dashed with every new announcement and news story. As each month came about, she began to feel more isolated from the world around her. I was living in Asia, as was her family. She couldn’t see many of her friends in Europe who were with their families and trying to stay out of public places.
Around this time, she mentioned she ran into an old friend who invited her out for lunch. He had made it sound like he was interested in dating her and was asking her if she was seeing anyone. She shared that she was seeing someone who was living in Asia (me), and I’d be coming to see her after the lockdown was lifted and travel was allowed again.
“I’m wondering if I should meet up with him. What do you think?” she asked me. I told her that she should do whatever felt right to her, and it was her decision, subtly suggesting that it probably wasn’t a good idea since he was asking her about her relationship status. I reflected on it again later that night and thought to myself, “big deal…what’s the worst that could happen out of one lunch date?”
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The unexpected Facebook status update
Approximately 3 weeks after we had this conversation was when I woke up in the middle of the night and happened to see my Facebook notifications. That’s when I found out that things had gone on so well between them in those 3 weeks that he had taken her to a jewelry store and asked her to pick out an engagement ring. They took photos of their rings and updated their relationship status on Facebook to “engaged.”
After that, I checked my Whatsapp messages and noticed that she had texted me and asked me to call her. I called her in the middle of the night, and we had a conversation about what had happened that day. She said it wasn’t planned and out of the blue. She also said that she was open to that relationship and could get married sooner, which she had wanted. She had no idea when the pandemic would be over and when we could see each other again.
I had no feelings when I spoke to her and was feeling numb. It was a shock, and I tried to be as unemotional as I could be. She mentioned that she needed me to forgive her and not be upset with her for everything that had happened. She said she felt terrible and was filled with so much guilt about what had unfolded so quickly. She wanted me to understand this situation in light of the pandemic and travel bans.
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Falling for each other and falling apart
Five months later, I’m still processing what happened and grieving losing someone I had gotten to know so well. We had such great chemistry and so much in common. It’s not hard to find someone you see eye to eye or want to spend your life with, and she seemed like she was that person for me.
Our synchronistic meeting made it seem like we were meant to be. The pandemic gave us the perfect opportunity to bond and get to know each other. I learned so much about her in all that time we spent together virtually that I thought she was the one.
I’m not sure what comes next, but it’s no longer a trip to Europe or connecting with her again. I’ve also come to see that someone who can get engaged in a 3 week period to someone she didn’t know well may not have been the right person for me.
The pandemic gave us all the time in the world to get to know each other and discover that we had much in common. Lockdowns and stay at home orders helped us fall for each other quickly. At the same time, it was the very same pandemic that brought us together that tore us apart and brought our relationship to an abrupt end.
We could manage the long-distance, but without physical proximity and knowing when we would be able to see each other again, we couldn’t make this relationship work.
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Have a pandemic love story? Feel free to share your thoughts or your experiences below.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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Photo credit: Matt W Newman on Unsplash