Lauren is a 30-something, agnostic, unmarried, Asian-American, woman who lives in the Bay Area.
David is a 60-something, married with an adult son, Zen Juddhist, man who lives in Flint.
The Rules – They choose a topic, and with no discussion, each knocks out around 1,000 words. What you get is the straight scoop, the skinny, the 4-1-1 on what each one thinks.
Come back each month for more Lauren & David Write!
DAVID:
A quick disclaimer, Lauren, as we dive into the power of pets. I’m a dog guy. Not that I don’t like cats, I do; they are clever and funny and independent as hell. Except for a roommate’s cat here and there, I’ve never lived with feline companionship.
But dogs, I know dogs. And another disclaimer, I’m going to talk about me, a reasonably healthy guy, and my dogs. I’m not a guy who has the big-ass truck, an arsenal of firearms, and a bully attack dog to prop up my miniscule sense of masculinity; those guys are a different column, eh, but in the end, just guys and our pups.
This I know for sure – the love of a dog is powerful and transformative.
Men and dogs have worked side by side for 30,000 years. They’ve protected us, helped us feed our families, and most importantly, provided us with companionship. Our lives as a species, and each individual man’s life, is better because of our canine friends.
LAUREN:
I didn’t have pets growing up. I mean, we had fish, but you can’t really play with them and my parents didn’t trust me and my sister to manage the volume of water in the tank, so they did the cleaning… so not much responsibility happened either. I’m not mad about it or anything. We played a lot of sports and took part in classes like art or dance, so fish were actually a pretty smart move on their part. I remember being low-key allergic to cats at the time and thinking dogs were cute, having fun playing with friends’ pets, and doing some pet-sitting for neighbors… but I don’t think I ever made it to the point of asking if we could get a pet of our own.
I got my first and, so far, only four-legged little furball back in 2012. The softest medium-haired, oddly heavy footed, curious, slightly clumsy, black-and-white tuxedo cat, who is not remotely interested in snuggling. Frank… with his white nose, underside, front paws, and back go-go boots. I love that little jerk. Why is that??
He wakes me up early by puncturing holes in cardboard, or biting chunks out of paper and spitting them out, or batting at anything that will make noise to show me that he wants to be fed breakfast. It’s so passive aggressive, and he knows it! David, I swear to you, when I open an eye to glare at him, he stops and silently just stares back at me, as if he’s pretending to have just noticed me and is going “Oh, are you awake?”. As soon as I close my eye again, he goes right back to it. He’s not a lap cat, but he wants to hangout. He’ll ram his little head under my arms and elbows in order to take over and loaf on the arm of the couch, or on the table right between me and my laptop. He settles down to rest on the pile of laundry I’m trying to fold. He’ll be uninterested all day, but as soon as I want to close the windows or blinds for the night, it’s like he’s reporting for guard duty at the window sill. And yet, I put his interests before mine. I get up, I move my laptop, I leave the windows open a little longer.
DAVID:
Over the last 20 years, I’ve been lucky to have had four great dogs in my life. Let me tell you a little bit about each one. They all had distinct canine-alities. Lucy Caramello was our Borgi, a border collie-Corgi mix. She came to live with us when she was 6 months old, in 200 4. I trained her as a therapy dog. Agile and kind, Lucy was also wise and funny. How funny was Lucy? One morning, she hopped onto a chair at the breakfast table, peered up and down the table, looked at the jam, and said “Pass the jam, please?” Wise? Lucy lost her hearing to a bout of Bell’s palsy. She then proceeded to teach me the signs she needed to manage a world without sound. We had to put her down this past spring. She was 17. We cried over her loss for days.
Otzi was a long-haired dachshund. Otzi was the definitive perky pup, her front feet splayed in a perpetual dancer’s 2nd position. We rescued her from a puppy mill. She had a tough start and did not relate well to men at the first. I would do my evening meditation with her in my lap and I could feel her heart rate and breathing slow, her anxiety fade, as she sat in my lap matching her breaths to mine. It took time.
Having spent nearly all of her first 6 years in a crate, she had no idea of how to be a dog. It was up to Lucy to teach Otzi the ins and outs of dog-ness. Otzi became an accomplished hunter, as befits her breed. She would bring us baby rabbits, moles, and assorted vermin she caught and line them up on our deck, as gifts. A little gruesome perhaps, but she was a doxsie doing what doxsies do.
LAUREN:
Something changes when you are responsible for another living things’ existence. I saw a funny post on social media somewhere a while back that said pets are the new kids and plants are the new pets. It’s kind of true. Kids are expensive!! From literal birth to clothes to food, insurance to education… I read a stat recently that the cost of raising a kid through the age of 18 in the United States averages between $200-250k. Average! I’m assuming California’s numbers would lean towards the higher end of the spectrum… goodness. Anyway, enter the age of the furbabies.
Pets really are like forever toddlers, in many ways. They’re cute, you can interact with them, they can’t communicate what they want or need, they often want to play at inopportune times, they don’t like going to the doctor, they depend on you… but I think the big kicker is the unconditional love. They know that you are their person, and they can’t wait to see you after you’ve been gone all day or on a trip. We’ve talked about how neither of us cry much, but have you seen those videos of people who have been deployed or displaced by natural disasters getting reunited with their pets? Those make me smile and feel all warm inside.
There’s palpable trust and understanding between you and your pet. You get to know what their different noises mean and how their body language communicates different moods. Frank has a “meow” that sounds like a question when he hears a you but can’t see you yet; and if he’s walking around looking for the source of the noise, his tail goes when he recognizes it’s me. This is when the non-pet owners start to look at us like we’re crazy. People have this with their kids all the time and nobody bats an eye! And do I even need to mention the vast number of photos I have of my cat. Yes, I know I already have a hundred photos of him napping in this exact position, but look at how cute he is today!
DAVID:
My father died in January, 2019. We were at a friend’s house for dinner a week after Dad died and we came home to find Otzi unconscious on the floor, bleeding out internally from a hemangioma. At the clinic, Cath and I sobbed over the loss of our pup. So did Dr. Ericksen, DVM.
Our Millie was with us for far too short a time, just three years. She was a Portuguese Podengo, a breed created to chase rabbits and vermin for farmers. Millie came to us when her owner passed away. An active dog by breed, she’d spent her life inside a small home. Once let free within our fenced-in, tree-filled yard, Lucy soon taught her how to be the outside dog she was born to be. She would race about and make certain our yard was secure from squirrels. Once secure, Millie would flop in your lap while you praised her endlessly. We lost her one year ago when she developed a fast-growing brain tumor. I miss having her hop on my chest to wake me in the morning.
We adopted Josie on July 5, 2021. She’s a two year old Boxer-Labrador, a Boxador, with boundless energy, a love for cuddles and play, and a difficult backstory. She had lived at the shelter for six months. Her owner brought her to the shelter and told them he could no longer care for her. He then went home and took his own life. She was traumatized, barely eating at the shelter, and desperate for a companion.
Josie turns heads at our local dog training center. Since she’s come to live with us, she’s gained ten pounds of muscle and looks like a canine anatomy chart. Josie responds like gangbusters to love and kindness. Josie is also a great work-out buddy. It’s normal for her to stand on my back when I do push-ups and on my chest during crunches. She can run a sub-4.0 second 40 yard dash. This is generally followed by her sitting in my lap while we gaze into each other’s eyes, each one happy to have found the other.
Lauren, this is what dogs do to us- they grab onto our hearts with furry paws and do not let go.
LAUREN:
I do feel like animals have an incredibly high emotional intelligence, or at least have an attuned sixth sense of sorts. When a pet household suddenly brings home a new baby, I’ve often seen or heard of dogs, cats, and even birds very quickly cozy up to this new, vulnerable human. They turn into a protector and a buddy. A friend of mine has had her dogs and only her dogs for almost a decade, and recently brought home her first born. Within a couple weeks, I had already seen a photo of one of the dogs snuggled up and napping alongside her baby in the pillow bassinet.
Even my little weirdo, Frank, knows when something is up. When my dad passed away somewhat unexpectedly, my sister stayed at my apartment for a few days. The two of us were low energy, quiet, probably in shock, and heartbroken. I feel like Frank could tell, or sense our spirits or something, because he wasn’t his usual needy self. While still not cuddly, he would walk over to us, and put his front paws up on the bed or the couch, which felt like a gesture of “seeing” us. And then he’d quietly hop up and settle down next to us or nearby at our feet.
We choose our pets — sometimes it feels like they choose us — and then you’re there for each other. They know you’ll feed and protect them, and of course give them all the hugs and treats. And we know they’ll always be there for us, be our buddy and soundboard when we’re excited, angry, confused, or grieving. And that being me to the thing that concerns me the most about this soulmate level relationship… is having to let go at some point. I love Frank and he trusts me as his human, but does he know how much I care about him? Will he understand that I have his best interests in mind when I make choices for him, as he gets older and has more ailments? You know… this might be why I let him wake me up early and rule my workspace.
DAVID:
Dogs have given men an avenue for their affections. There are still plenty of men in 2021 who are terrified to show their emotions. Too many men still believe that a show of emotion is a sign of weakness. Yet, they have no issues about cuddling with their pups, kissing them, and in general, staging a PDA they might have gotten them detention in middle school.
Our dogs love us unreservedly and perhaps that’s why men gravitate towards them. Many men grow up with little affection from their fathers and past a certain age, disdain any affection from their mothers as ‘un-manly.’ Yet when these men are loved whole-heartedly by their dogs, those same men open their hearts and souls to a canine boon companion in a way they’d never allow themselves to share with another man or woman. Dogs know the secrets of a man’s soul without a word spoken.
When you need a playmate at the park, there is no one quite as fun as a dog. When your day at work has crushed your spirit, your dog will greet you with utter glee. When your S/O has tossed you aside for a newer model and you feel like you can’t go on, your dog will sop up your tears and renew your faith in love. When you awaken in the middle of the night, that dark night of the soul when all is forlorn, your anima will be restored by the licks of a pup’s tongue on your face.
Sonnet No. 92. No nobler being
The dog; no nobler being breathes extent.
Who else so full of love and courage raw?
Doth need more proof of sapient ascent;
the moment dog reached out with canine paw?
Lick your face when your visage is dirty?
Hearken when the world is dark and bleak?
Snuggle when you’re not so snuggle-worthy,
and fain yip in joy, a kiss upon one’s cheek?
Who else wouldst be such a fine companion?
Always game to frolic; to chase a ball?
Chase their tail with such complete abandon,
and with their dying breath, still come to call?
My goal in life is simple and it’s free,
to be the soul my dog thinks me to be.
-David L. Stanley, September 2020.
Of this I am certain, Lauren, because of the power of my pups’ love, I am a better man; kinder, gentler, and more compassionate.
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