A year of dating twice a week has an average price tag of over $12,000. Gulp. And men are expected to pick up the tab.
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The big question of who should pay on dates hasn’t changed much over the years. It follows the belief that men should pay and a woman is a keeper if she offers to split the bill or even says thank you.
Recent research supports the idea that the costs of dating are assumed to be a man’s responsibility. Therefore, any diversion from this long-held belief will reflect negatively on the man.
How much does this stereotype actually cost men, and is it fair?
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Just for fun, what else can you buy for approximately $12,500.00?
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Let’s put the real cost of dating into perspective. Here is an estimate based on an average conservative cost estimate of two dates per week in my hometown, Chicago, Illinois:
Transportation: Average fare in Chicago, (from SherpaShare, published by Nerd Wallet) is $12.73 (Uber) to $10.50 (Lyft), averaging $23.00 round trip.
Dining: The average cost of one appetizer and two entrees at a mid-range restaurant is approximately $45.00, including tax. With 20 percent gratuity, that comes to a total of $54.00 per meal.
Drinking: A beer in Chicago is about $6.00 (datascope analytics, Brian Lange) and a cocktail in downtown Chicago averages $12.00 on the low side (Expatistan). Assuming each person only has two cocktails or beer, the total ranges from $24.00 to $48.00, or $29.00 to $58.00 with a 20 percent tip (it’s always best to tip your bartenders well, especially on a date.)
The total cost of a conservative date — not including preparation, surprises, or additional locations — ranges from $106.00 to $135.00. If you go on two dates a week for a year, and pay for everything, you’ll spend around $12,500.00. That doesn’t take into consideration the monetary value of time. For example, the average length of a date is four hours, now multiply that by your hourly wage.
Just for fun, what else can you buy for approximately $12,500.00?
- Six months in a one bedroom apartment in Chicago (rent jungle)
- One year of undergraduate tuition at the University of Illinois at Chicago
- 6,000+ sides of guacamole on items with meat or tofu from Chipotle (because we all know guac is extra.)
The tradition that men bear the financial responsibility for dating has its foundation in the historically large wage gap between men and women (assumption.) With changes in the wage gap and the movement towards gender equality, should the financial burden of dating still fall majorly on men? In part two, we’ll explore current research relating to who should pay, the wage gap, gender equality, and if dating is really worth 6,000+ sides of guacamole.
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Photo: Getty Images
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Thank you, Jules.
Much appreciated.
Hi Silke,
Thanks.
We are all learning together. Challenging perception with honesty requires that one see all sides of these types of issues, to yield when appropriate, to be empathetic in disagreement…which has also helped me grow as a man.
@ DJ
“…….which has also helped me grow as a man.”
Yes, for this is really what is stifling men today: a lack of growth.
Like my dear friend Silke, I too enjoyed your comments.
Cheers!
…and again, sorry for the long wind, but heck, why say something in 10 words that can be said in 10,000?
Hi Silke. First of all I very much like reading your responses. They are articulate, lucid and rational whether I may agree in entirety or not. I try very hard to see things from the female perspective, but I also see them from the males and this particular issue is an example of male POV. Let me try to explain a bit here. First of all, your country seems to be more advance in such issue. We were almost there in the early 90s but we’ve taken a big step backwards on this issue, and we now see, and men… Read more »
-DJ- I like long comments. Dating in my country and in your is two different phenomena. It sounds like we live in two different worlds both during dating and when we go trough a divorce. In a country with good economy, low unemployment and a welfare state that try to give security to women , relationship between men and women is different from a country where women rely more on marriage economically. And many. men here are well paid if they have a job. After the drastic fall in price of oil on the world market , men now loose… Read more »
Those men that lost jobs have little chance of getting dates. Amongst women I know unemployed, all had and were dating when unemployed. Amongst the men? Pretty much none got dates until they had some sort of job. In my own online dating experience, as soon as she finds out I was unemployed or lived with parent she was gone, no more contact. Doesn’t matter that I do more house-work and cleaning, or was unemployed due to illness. My long-term unemployed female friends who lived with their parents, who have been chronically ill, ALL of them are in relationships or… Read more »
Archy When unemployed smart men study and better their chances for an other job (and partner). Women are not that afraid of unemployed men as you think. Students are unemployed and do not frighten women. But many of us women fear boring men and men that are not adults. You Archy is not a boring man! Yes Archy , men and women do not always expect the same from each others as partnes. So your women friends have found somebody and you have not. Use your good head and imagination Archy, because there are lots of women out there that… Read more »
-DJ-
I read your comment to Michell and it touched my heart.
The advice your mother gave you, and everything else you wrote to Michell.
So please continue to write with many words.
It is beautiful and healing .
I come at this from the view that if you ask her out, then you should pay. Period. Beginning of story. End of story. If you don’t want to spend a lot of money on dating then find a long-term partner. The problem I see here in America is dating is always so short term. We find someone whom we are compatible and then after a few months it is on to a new one…. I am in relationship with a new woman. She is kind, loving, unselfish, …..As I am old school and have good finances, I never allowed… Read more »
Hi Jules, “I come at this from the view that if you ask her out, then you should pay. Period. Beginning of story. End of story.” Totally agree with you. With a minor correction: If you ask her out, and she agrees to come, then you should pay. Period. Beginning of story. End of story. Haven’t really succeeded past that stage yet… Also, the “hot” women, the ones who’s got the look and not much more, rarely raises my interest. I’ve always found myself more interested by the women who stayed out of the spotlight. The ones who, when we… Read more »
It is easy to spend $125 the way prices of goods and services are these days and your wages are stagnant.
Why isn’t there a comparable tally of what women typically spend on each date as well — one that would factor in hair, makeup, nails, time spent (average of an hour before work), waxing, taxis to and from (keeping in mind safety factors over convenience at night). You’d boost the veracity of this piece by at least pretending to offer an average spend of the other side’s as well. The above assumes women just materialize, date-ready at the end of a workday, ready to be pampered until her free transporation home arrives.
I am sure Bejamin will tell us that looks does not matter to him or any man :).
when a man see women as blood sucking creatures ready to suck you dry,then I wonder why date at all ?
Maybe he should use his time to figure out how to select women ,instead of dating 104 times a year to get what he wants (what ever that may be……)
@silke, Hi Silke..How are you? I hope you are well. I can tell you are upset about this piece and with Benjamin. So sorry. “Maybe he should use his time to figure out how to select women ,instead of dating 104 times a year to get what he wants (what ever that may be……)” This is really the best thing a man can do…..do a better job of selecting women to date. No, this is not how much the typical American man spends on a date. Maybe in NYC for its professional high earning class it is so. But in… Read more »
Hi Jules
Imagine a man or woman that fianlly find someone they like a lot , and then whine about the cost of transportation when you go to see that person.
I am glad to hear you are well and have found love :).
You are a fighter Juies that never gives up.
I wonder why Benjamin wrote an article like this one?
And why Good men project published it ?
I do not know what women in America expect from men Jules, but Benjamin has a choice when he dates.
Silke,
Imaging being in a sort of long-distance relationship, where you simply don’t have the Money to go see your loved one as often as you would like (and as often as she would expect you to),
Not whining about it, just trying to calmly explain the situation as it is.
OK you are right. I thought he talked about the cost of taking the bus,or driving a car to meet the women like we do in my town. If I should date a man up north in my country or yours the travel would cost as you know well. Do you live in the south? My best friend bought a flat in Saffle for use in the vacation. I see I misunderstood the cost of transportation thing, today with online dating , we often meet people living far away. I do get it. The times I went by train to… Read more »
@ Silke, “Imagine a man or woman that fianlly find someone they like a lot , and then whine about the cost of transportation when you go to see that person.” It would be a turn off to most women I am sure. I have discovered many men like this to be cheap, period. However, it could be as our friend FlyingKal remarks below a case of simply not having the finances to do it. I think so long as the man does not whine about, but explains his situation, most women are OK with it. Many women might find… Read more »
You are right . Long distance dating cost money and many can not afford it.
But I do not like the cold cynical tone in these two articles.
if you can not afford long travel or certain types of expensive dating, then the man and the women have to be open about it. And the reseach he refers to seems to be from an online dating website for young professionals. And not all men old enough to date are young professionals.
My brother drove 200km round-trip multiple times to find a date as the local area has too many males to females. This trip is probably $30-50 in fuel + road costs alone. Not all men are loaded. In my area there is a lot of unemployment, lot of job losses, the median income is well below state and national average so a $100 date would be out of the budget of a lot of people for a week. I myself have maybe $20-50 once a week available to go out with and even that is a major stretch. By 2030,… Read more »
Lauren, great point and there is research that shows how much women spend in preparation for a date that highlights those areas. I highly suggest you seek it out if it interests you. This piece discusses the cost of dating for men and the current research and mentality in the majority in part 2. Maybe your comment will be a topic for another article. Thanks again for sharing!
But Benjamin, when you’re talking about what is ‘fair’ in relation to who is spending what for a date, I think in this case, it matters very much what women may also be spending to put their own best foot forward when dating. It isn’t just men who shell out cash for dates even if the cash is spent differently. Most men don’t have to worry about make up and hair and all kinds of things that realistically, the modern american male as come to expect of the modern american female’s physical presentation. And that’s really what spending money is… Read more »
I’ve explained that below, along with a great many other things.
Hair, nails, etc. All of these expenses are absolutely tiny compared to what most men truly need to spend to find a partner. Magnitudes higher number of women judge a man on being employed. Many, many women want a man to at least earn as much as he does, if not more. A good career for a man usually requires university ($50-200k) or a trade (tools + costs of education can easily hit $30-50K+), many men also require a car ($5-50k+). A woman can be homeless and find a date far easier than a man who is unemployed. Studies online… Read more »
@ Arch, Great post Archy! When I say men should pay if he ask her out, I say this as being courteous. If you invite someone over to your home for dinner, do expect them to bring half the food? No, I would hope not. My gf always offer to pay. But, I simply do not expect it. Yesterday, we went to dinner. She actually went to waiter and paid the check so he would not bring it to the table as she knew I would take care of it. So, now I will relent since I see how important… Read more »
I can cook an awesome meal for about 10bucks for the two of us, which is in my budget. To go out and get that same meal at the family bistro style places with 200 other people would be about $20 each + about $5 per drink. The more typical dating restaurant is easily 50-100 a head before drinks, currently I could rarely afford that and even with a decent job I am not sure I want to pay 100bucks for a meal unless that meal has some damn magical properties or is laced with LSD or something. I’d rather… Read more »
That gf sounds like a keeper.
I am a little old school on this. I believe that the dating/courting stages are the times when one wants to impress. Women do a lot of things that men don’t do but they are the things that grab a man’s attention. They go buy that new outfit, get their hair done etc… They want to impress as well. Trying to keep “fair” to modern ways of thinking I guess this could also depend on who is doing the asking. If the man asks a woman on a date, I think it would be a bit odd that he picked… Read more »
Michelle Maybe we want to impress but I think this American traditon of dating this way has a symbolic side that should be obvious. Why do young people date? Some actually want to find a mate, a person to start a family with. And women do ask ” is this the man that give my children (our children) security? Is he generous or not?” When I read the cynical ice cold words written by Benjamin that even brings in wages lost for the hours he spend with a potensiall mate then I think we know enough. And why on earth… Read more »
Michelle, Someone once said someting to the effect of “A successful man is a man who can buy his woman everything she desires, without hesitation. And a successful woman is a woman who can find such a man.” Are we really looking to be impressed on the first date, or would we rather be looking for connnection? But yes. I totally agree that if the man is asking for a date, he should also step up and pay for it. But then again, he should also be allowed the privilegie to select the venue. It’s a funny thing being married… Read more »
@ FlyingKal,
Hello FlyingKal. I do hope you are getting on well..
“But then again, he should also be allowed the privilegie to select the venue.”
A woman loves a man who knows how to plan a date. Usually, if I ask her out, I then proceed to TELL her: exactly what we are going to do, where we are going….all the detail. She is free to object, of course.
Michelle, You said this: “Lets face it, if a man REALLY likes a woman is he going to be pondering over the thought of who is going to pay?” You said this: I absolutely did. I evaluated her on that and everything from how she treated the waitstaff (as that was an indication of her true nature and how I’d be treated once the honeymoon was over), to how she carried herself, conversed, her goals and aspirations as that is what dating is for. I didn’t care what role in the relationships she chose to play as long as she… Read more »
“Most of all? To help then see that there is a better way, that they can find and have what I have as there are many, many good women out there and they do not have to settle, do not have to acquiesce, but to stay their course, even in a storm, and seek what it is that will grant them such happiness.”
This a great post. I agree with all you said. This sticks in my mind.
Thank you.
Angelguy
I want to know what kind of person spends 125 dollars in one date. Either I have been on the wrong dates or this article is exaggerating. I’ll be lucky if I get a coffee and that id if I pay for it.
Right, it’s hard to wrap your head around if you don’t see the money but even just a couple drinks and transportation is bringing that bill past $50 a date. Interesting as well that relationships cost more then dating, especially within the first 6 months if you are following the more successful dating and relationship advice that you invest more in someone you believe has value (in comparison to first dates). Check out an older article of mine that lists some actual cost numbers: http://www.examiner.com/article/the-cost-of-love-leaving-an-impact-without-emptying-your-wallet and make sure to check out part 2.
ROI VS ROE ( Return on Investment VS Rules of Engagement) not worth the time, money nor hassle, 12 k will also pay for a nice tiny cabin build that you can tow anywhere
Hi Benjamin
I think it cost the same in my part of the world.
But my first question is ” does men in America date two new women every week throuout the whole year?”
Why?
Do you date 52×2= 104 women every year?
Or is this how men spend their time with their one and only beloved twice a week?
Little do I know about life in America……
Boris
Sorry. This was not meant as a comment to you but to Benjamin.
The article is discussing dating in relationships as a whole, new dates or a current relationship. If you are actively dating, it is common to go out with a person once during the week and once on the weekend, or to date even more than that. If you are in a positive relationship it is also my assumption that you see the person at least twice a week. I hope that answers your question and make sure to check out part 2.
Maybe I missed somethings ? You refer to research on this but I see no link to that research . I live in Norway and here it cost a lot to go out as we say here. But I have never in my entire life experienced that men pay like you describe here. It sounds like men in America are the provider already when they have a girlfriend . I look forward to read the actual research on this . I obviously live on a different planet …. And for example students here can not afford a lifestyle like the… Read more »
Typo
A lifestyle like the one you describe here.
Love your comment, Boris!
What, you’re too good to take the L? I think there is something to be said about the burden of dating going on men, such as the emotional burden of having to initiate most of the time, but your cost numbers are plain silly and the idea that women don’t offer to pay a significant portion of the time on first dates doesn’t match with my own personal experience. I live in DC, a city that’s at least a third more expensive than Chicago, and I’ve certainly taken the hit on the > $100 first date that doesn’t lead to… Read more »
Thank you for your comments. You will find part two interesting then, since it discusses the research surrounding who should pay and the current majority mentality: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-real-cost-of-dating-part-2-dg/.
For an article that discusses suggestions for first dates, more research regarding costs, and how to avoid over investing, check out an older related article of mine as well: http://www.examiner.com/article/the-cost-of-love-leaving-an-impact-without-emptying-your-wallet
Like “male privilege”, the grass is always greener…until one gets there and sees the cost attached to such privilege, the price of keeping that lawn green.
This is one of those times.
Welcome to equality ladies. Embrace the horror…
Teasing a bit. Its just one more bump in the road to equality. One that we will iron out as men gain their voice. Nice to see AskMen represented here also.
Equality? Y’all are a little late. I asked my (now) husband out on the first date and paid for it. He paid for the second. We got married five months later. That’s 20 years ago.
Why the hell are men and women still playing this archaic game?
Why indeed. Thank you for sharing. I’m curious, do you two share finances completely or have your own accounts?
I know you’re not asking me but I want to answer anyways:
When my wife and I first started dating she was employed and I wasn’t so she footed the bill for everything, including a wonder $600 all day date at the county fair (still don’t remember where all that money was spent. lol)
We currently share our finances completely, the only complaint being there isn’t enough money to afford everything we want. 😉
Thank you for your comment. It sounds like you have a great financially positive relationship. Did you even feel uncomfortable when your wife foot the bill?
So it’s financially positive when the woman pays for everything in the beginning but it’s financially negative when the man does?
I’m still holding out hope you’ll respond Ben. But I suspect you’re going to ignore it. Please explain to me why a woman paying for everything in the beginning of a relationship, and spending $600 for one day at a country fair, then a couple going on to share their fiances is “a great financially positive relationship”? Clearly had this happened the other way, you would not think the same thing.
Ah, but you are a rarity, still, Lisa. My wife was the same way. She asked me out, and none of what young men are dealing with today was ever an issue.….which is why she’s my wife of 23 years. Remember though, that was in the latter half to the last century, when equality was achieved. We’ve taken a giant step backward, and if we scan even a few dating sites, especially women’s sites, the “new” rule is that men do the asking and pay for the first date…with no rule on the second date, which means we know what… Read more »
DJ so well spoken and thoughtful.
And the prices go up in places like New York, the Silicon Valley, and even in foreign cities like Tokyo.
Good article. Curious about Part 2.
Angelguy