And here’s my advice to you: Make this vow to yourself, too.
I vow I will no longer invest my energy in people who can’t meet me halfway. I will no longer settle for relationships that require me to do all the work. I will no longer bend myself to fit into someone else’s version of what I should be.
I deserve more, and I will accept nothing less. I will only invest in relationships that are based on care, love, and mutual respect. I will only allow relationships in my life where I’m allowed to be myself. No masks, no pretending.
I’ll only allow relationships where I can speak my mind without fear of being attacked or dismissed. Relationships that allow me to be human, make mistakes, and still be loved.
Why I Made This Vow
It’s wild to me how some people who are supposed to care about you, the ones you thought would be there to support you, to celebrate your growth, to listen when you’re vulnerable, fail to show even the slightest interest.
You’re going through real things — devastating, exciting, vulnerable, emotional things — and there’s no comment. No check-in. No care.
You’re out here, changing your life, building your dreams, overcoming trauma, and they are nowhere to be found.
Then, there are near strangers, people you don’t even know, who offer you more care and genuine support than anyone who’s ever been close to you.
They listen. They engage. They offer help when they have no obligation to. It’s a warmth that feels real. Somehow, it’s those strangers who make you feel the most seen.
It’s heartbreaking to realize that people who should be in your corner are absent, while people who don’t even know your full story somehow manage to show up in the most meaningful ways.
As I travel, this happens to me again and again.
I’ll meet someone for the first time, and their kindness and genuine presence leave an impact. A lasting one. They feel solid, like a rock, someone I don’t even know, but who I intuitively know I can rely on for understanding, support, and warmth.
Meanwhile, I’m met with accusations, blame, and shame from the people who were supposed to love me. The ones who were supposed to see me. The ones who should’ve known what I was going through and offered me support.
Instead, they made me feel unsafe, small, and insignificant. They made me doubt myself and question my worth. Better said, they stripped me of it, my sense of worth, and it took me years to rebuild.
And that’s what hurts, right? That’s a pain that cuts deeper than anything because it’s not just the rejection. It’s the feeling of not being enough for your ‘loved ones,’ the people who should’ve loved you the most. The ones who could have been there to help you grow, but instead, they left you stranded.
It’s damaging when the people who are meant to build you up are the ones who tear you down.
You try to show them your heart, and they look away.
I’ve experienced this lately. I’m on a personal pursuit, my writing, in which I bare my soul for the world to see, not just the easy parts. I’m publishing pieces that are built from the hardest, most painful parts of my life. The parts that shaped me and made me who I am today.
I hope that by opening up, I can help others.
Many people whom I consider friends haven’t said anything about it. They don’t comment, as if it’s not visible. And I’d lie if I said it doesn’t affect me at all. It is a wake-up call that comes with a bit of disappointment.
But I can’t force anyone to be interested much more than I can force anyone to care.
Some people we keep in our lives out of obligation, because we’ve known them a long time, or for other reasons we create for ourselves, but if we’re honest, they simply don’t offer any value to our lives.
Nowadays, I’m mindful of having relationships that are based on presence and prioritize those rooted in real care and mutual respect.
So I made that vow because I want relationships where I can be my imperfect self and still feel accepted. Where I can speak my truth without fear of being dismissed. Where I’m not walking on eggshells, tiptoeing around someone’s delicate ego, just so they won’t explode.
A safe space where love is unconditional and doesn’t come with strings attached.
To be a “loved one” shouldn’t be determined by how long you’ve known someone or by the fact that you share blood.
It’s about how someone shows up for you, supports you when you’re at your lowest, cheers you on when you’re chasing your dreams, and holds space for your humanity.
A loved one is someone who accepts you, not just the polished version of you, but the broken parts, too.
And they should definitely not make you feel bad for them or use your biggest vulnerabilities against you.
It’s been confronting realizing I feel more connected to my cleaning lady than I do with some people I’ve known for years. I feel more seen and supported by a girl I’ve only worked with for a few months than by so-called friends who’ve been in my life for decades.
And it’s not because I expect anything from them. It’s because they genuinely care. They listen. They’re present. They offer support. They make space for me to be me without pretenses. They make me feel safe enough to show up as my most authentic self.
And that’s what we all need, isn’t it? To feel seen, heard, accepted, and loved just as we are. Not for what we can do for others, not for the role we play in their lives, but simply because we exist.
I realized I let too many people into my life who offered me little to nothing. I spent years in one-sided relationships where I was the only one doing the work. If I stopped reaching out, I never heard from them again.
I gave them my energy, my time, my care, but when I needed it in return, they were nowhere to be found. It’s sad. It’s disappointing. It’s a type of betrayal.
The truth is, I wasn’t a hostage. It’s okay to walk away. It’s okay to cut ties with people who don’t show up for you. You don’t owe them anything. You don’t have to keep trying to make something work that’s already broken.
You don’t have to keep begging for love, respect, and attention. You just have to be brave.
If they can’t meet you where you are, you have to let them go.
Don’t settle.
Don’t accept anything less than what you deserve. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of respect. You are worthy of relationships that nurture you, help you grow, make you feel safe and seen.
Don’t waste your energy on people who can’t meet you where you are. Who don’t treat you with kindness and care. Who dismiss you, neglect you, or take you for granted. Let them go in peace. Wish them well, but create space for the love you deserve.
Surround yourself with people who make you feel solid. People who show up for you. People who accept you for all that you are. People who make you feel alive, cared for, and supported.
People who allow you to be soft, because you know you’re safe.
Please honor yourself. Protect your peace. Protect your joy. You deserve a life filled with people who make you feel whole. Keep your standards high, and don’t ever apologize for needing reciprocity.
When you let go of the ones who can’t give you what you need, you make room for the ones who will.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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