Life has a funny way of giving you what you need if you listen, learn, and love. It doesn’t always look like we thought it would. This whole life journey has ups and downs in every shape and size. I found a tribe of people nearly three years ago. It was a very sad time in my life. I was incapable of managing the breakup I was going through. I was willing to do anything to hold on to this man that lived 2000 miles away and was certain this tribe could help me. Here I would find the answers and to how to win him back. This tribe of people would help.
Nearly 3 years later, what answers have I found? Well, certainly not the ones I was originally looking for. Why? Because I was not asking the right questions. I needed so much more than I realized.
First, you cannot win someone back that doesn’t want to be won. There are a ridiculous number of sites on the internet that will tell you otherwise. These sites require you signing over your first born in negotiations. Lies, tricks and schemes don’t work. Smoke and mirrors are what these sites sell. You cannot be someone you are not in order to win back someone that probably didn’t love you in the first place. The fact is, sometimes people just don’t work and there is nothing more to it. You just need to give your heart the time it needs to heal. Every relationship has a lesson. Focus on the lesson and grow.
Second, the biggest question I needed answered was, “Can I actually be loved?” What I didn’t know at the time was, I was looking in the wrong places. I was looking for someone else to fill a part of me I had no idea how to fill myself. I decided to dig into myself and learn to be kind to myself. With the strength and help from my tribe, I began to show myself patience and grace. I began to like myself and believe in the person I’ve become. I learned to love myself. I found that I wasn’t ready to give that love to anyone else because I needed it for myself. I learned how to take care of my heart and show the world how I deserved to be loved. I set the precedent so when someone was ready to love me the way I deserved, I would be ready to accept that love.
The answer to the question, “Can I be loved” is an unequivocal YES! I now have the ability to love myself in a way I never imagine possible. Additionally, I see I am surrounded by beautiful humans that love me. These individuals see me and love me without smoke and mirrors.
So, what do I mean when I say it doesn’t always look like you thought it would? I started out nearly three years ago with an agenda. I wanted someone that did not want me. As I began to learn about myself, the gains were immeasurable. Self-love was a road I never thought I would travel. Deciding to take a different path was the best gift I could have given myself. I never knew what I was missing until I found it. There will be times in life when our journey takes a path we did not know we needed to venture. Trust the unknown. You may be in for a wonderful adventure.
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Kerry is a Catalyst for change as a Certified Life Coach, EMDR therapist and Certified Equine therapist. Kerry specializes in trauma, grief, depression, anxiety, and the art of joy & happiness . She is also an artist, wanderer, author, editor, lover of life and all beings great and small!
