The Sadness Trap

This is a trend that has become more common recently. People like to be sad. They don’t admit it, but they get comfortable with sadness. It’s okay to be sad sometimes, but wanting to be sad always is outright problematic. They are usually engrossed in the past about something they failed at, someone who rejected them romantically, or someone who left their life. They keep on thinking about it while getting even sadder. When they are with someone they trust, they only want to talk about the things that make them sad. Even when they are alone, they keep thinking about the same things.

Some of these things are really sad, but when you offer them a solution out of being sad, they never take your suggestion. They would say things like,’ It’s not that simple.’ If you were in my shoes, you would be like me, or ‘I just can’t help it.’ It’s okay to be like that for a few months if you lost someone or had a bad breakup/divorce from a long relationship or even a career setback, but in the long term., one needs to take control and get hold of himself. Otherwise, he will be stuck in a never-ending loop of sadness, which will ultimately lead to alcoholism, drugs, or even suicidal tendencies.

If someone is sad all the time for too long, he is likely to develop health disorders as the metabolism slows down, there is a lack of activity, he is least concerned about his diet, and moreover, the negativity makes its way into the subconscious brain, which can slowly embed this attitude of sadness in his personality and slowly everybody around such person starts avoiding him as they don’t get the right ‘Vibes.’

So what’s the solution? It’s a tough one. It’s just letting it go. Not dwell upon the past. Accepting that what has happened is in the past, if there is some practical way to reduce the effect, do it; otherwise, there is no point in overthinking, but why am I talking about this? It is because I have been there. I spent years and huge sums of money while preparing to get into a certain job, but when I got it, I realized I wasn’t a good fit, and it was not something I wanted to do. On top of that, at the same time, my marriage collapsed. I went into a semi-depressed state, stopped talking until absolutely necessary, stopped playing sports, and started drinking heavily. I was dragging myself through life.

But one day, I woke up at 2 in the middle of the night and could not sleep; I was going into my usual overthinking routine about how my life was fuck*d up, but then suddenly, there was a loud noise outside. The power went off. I checked, but it was just a short circuit in the electricity pole. There were these continuous little sparks. I kept looking at those sparks for minutes. They were beautiful. Even in the presence of a thick blanket of darkness and messed up electricity pole, they still looked beautiful, and I think it was the moment I subconsciously realized that we have to make sense of what is there, not what can’t be there.

After that incident, in about a month or so, I came back to my normal self. I started reading about life; I was largely influenced by Geeta and Taoism, both of which essentially ask you to do these things: don’t try to control, don’t overthink, and do what you love with full vigor and have Faith.

We all are going to be dead one day.; everything is temporary. The mighty Emperors end up in the ground; the most advanced Civilisations vanish, and large stars turn into a black hole. Everything fades, we will not take our mistakes, our disappointments, and even our relationships with us into the grave, so it is better to let go and just focus on the present moment.

PS: I usually write humor, but I felt I should share this.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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