Anna Rosenblum Palmer wants the two of you to try for 5 times this week. Seriously. She has advice for managing your obstacles and reservations.
I’m at the end of the long side of the dinner table and many heads are craned towards me. I am encouraging these 6 committed couples to go home and have sex tonight and then almost every other night for the rest of their lives. They have read my article recommending having sex 5-7 times a week and they are acting as if I am telling them to home school their kids, or give up wine. They can see the benefits, but there is no chance in hell they will take on that workload. The golden haired woman at the end of the table tilts her head slightly and with the kind tone people reserve for young children tells me that this amount of sex “just doesn’t work for most people.” I call bullshit.
This kick in the pants will not apply to all of you. Some of you have a robust sex life. Some of you. Some of you have serious medical conditions that make sex painful or impossible. Don’t jump on this disclaimer as a reason to craft your own. If my dinner parties are any indication the vast majority of you could really step up your sex life and reap the benefits of your partner stepping up for you in so many ways.
I’m pretty sure the “to have and to hold” part of the vows is a euphemism. When you stood at the altar, young and childless, you were hot for each other. So you agreed with glee to continue your physical partnership. The things you heard and read about the marriage death bed would never apply to you. And yet here you are with eighty things to take care of before you take care of your lover. You need to reorganize that list. Every day concerns fall away when you keep your carnal connection Sharing a parenting philosophy, attacking the mound of laundry, and sitting down to admit your fears and address them together comes naturally once you have met both of your natural desires. Multiple sources (The University of Albany, the Univeristy of Amsterdam, The National Health Service and many more) cite specific reasons why regular sex is great. Regular Sex:
- Lowers your systolic blood pressure
- Boosts the hormones that lead to empathetic connection
- Improves your immune system
- Clarifies your critical thinking
- Decreases the symptoms of depression in women
Beyond the body sex nurtures your connection and feeling of partnership with your live in love.
Here is different kind of to do list to help get things started and keep them revved up. To Do List:
- Your partner.
- Get a vibrator/ get batteries for your vibrator.
- Bring some coconut oil to your bedroom which works for moisture and massage.
- Share erotic stories or fantasies that start you up while sex is starting up.
- Get yourselves dirty on the bathroom counter and clean in a shower au deux.
- Channel your inner teen and make out in the car in the vet parking lot.
- Wake up a few minutes early….
- Turn off the TV. Set aside the screens. Snuggle up and see what happens.
- Make a lunch date. Somewhere with a door that locks.
- Grab his ass as he pushes the shopping cart.
- Book a regular weeknight sitter. Taking time for the two of you outside of your bedroom makes you want to hurry home to it.
- Your partner. Again.
Remember, no single sex act tells the whole story of you and your partner. If it is quick, or dry, or uncoordinated that just ticks that box on the huge huge list of sex experiences you will have together. As long as you go for it often enough that list will also include simultaneous orgasm, laughing until you cry, tenderness and heat like you haven’t known since your early days. Whether it is ordinary or earth shattering your coupling will strengthen you as a couple. Regular sex reduces performance anxiety. So set a goal for five times a week and see what happens. In my experience it will be beautiful for both of you. Grab each other and get to it:
- In the middle of the night. Turn insomnia into a good thing when you do the wild thing.
- Early AM. The sun isn’t the only thing up in the morning
- Before you shower. The bathroom can be a great place to get steamy.
- A lunchtime tryst. Less time for eating can still leave you quite satisfied.
- While dinner is in the oven.
- During the dishes. No kids around? Clear the counter two ways.
- At the office. As long as you are not in a cube you have no excuse to be square.
- Out on the town. Sometimes a fresh spot helps you get fresh with each other.
- Have each other for dessert. Like the cherry on the sundae of your day.
- Pretty much anytime. Call it a quickie and squeeze it in.
A month later, the guests from the dinner party gathered again. They whispered as I added yet another cheese to the large wooden board. When we were all seated one of them offers up how much she has been offering it up. They are blushing. A few of the couples are holding hands. One pair has slid together into a single chair. They are loving all the loving. Photo: Getty