The Terrifying Cost of Finding “The One”

We are all on our own journey, of course, but life is too long to stay in a place you do not enjoy to the fullest, and sooner or later, you will need to make a change, so build your courage and go find the love of your life!

The Pros

Dissolved Drudgery: Suddenly, house chores do not feel like chores anymore. You stop calculating who does what and try to maximise your laziness, you just do it and feel valued for the gain for both people.
Micro-Intimacy: You get unexpected hugs, kisses and surprises, both in mundane and big moments. For instance, you get surprised by great spontaneous cuisine on a snowy Tuesday night.
Shared Resilience: You have a teammate to share life’s burden with and feel someone has your back. Suddenly you do not need to think of everything; you just need to be present.
Intuitive Connection: You get to know someone so well that you can anticipate their needs and desires.
Beauty and Desire: You are never tired of seeing them undress and, actually, you become the one pushing them to buy new clothes and look/feel at their best.
Internal Peace: You stop needing to numb the pain as the present is no longer something you resent. This changes everything.
Happy for Happiness: You are excited to make them happy, surprising them is one of the truest moments of joy.
Identity Elevation: Your self-esteem rises. You want to look/feel good for them and for yourself.
Focus on the Main Quest: You don’t care so much about the rest of life: friends, jobs, family. It becomes secondary, as it should, to your main storyline. Your beautiful love story…

The Cons

Inséparable: You spend so much time texting them when not together that the only viable solution is remote work.
The End of Excuses: No one but you to blame if you are unhappy. You cannot resent or dwell on the negative for no reason; you need to find the real cause of your sorrow.
Compulsory Growth: No reason not to give your best in and outside the relationship, since you are encouraged and loved. You don’t have an easy out to stew on your shortcomings.
Present and Accountable: You cannot not be present or phone it in. You need to feed the intensity of the relationship. You are accountable for your actions and cannot justify selfish behaviours anymore.
The Death of Selfishness: No one to compete with as you root for each other instead of trying to one-up each other.
Doubled Sorrow: Feeling pain for two hearts instead of one, and most probably feeling the pain of your better half deeper than your own.
Mandatory Healing: Needing to face your problems and trauma to improve life for them and yourself. You found the best person, so you need to be your best self for them.
Existential Vulnerability: Have the humbling and terrifying vulnerability of having your entire “main storyline” tied to one person, but also wanting nothing else than that.

I hope you live your own love story like this, and if not, I hope you have the courage to make the move. Don’t be sad on that upcoming Valentine’s Day, you have the power of finding your own great story.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.