If the issues addressed in this post interests you, please consider becoming an Existential Wellness Coach. To learn more about our Existential Wellness Coach Certificate Program, please visit here.

I’ve always felt a bit of a disconnect from the men’s movement. There was something about the idea of the “sensitive man” that didn’t quite work for me. At the same time, I had no love for the “real man” or “masculine man” archetype either. In the end, I had the feeling that I was being offered a menu with too few choices. “Sensitive man” or “macho man”? Were those the only choices?

“Toxic masculinity” presented the same problems. First, there seemed to be a muddle at play. Was the idea that “toxic masculinity” referred to the idea that certain traits harmed the man himself? Or was it that these traits were toxic to others? Was emotional suppression, aggression and dominance, the objectification of women, homophobia, rigid gender roles, risk-taking, and so on, bad for the man, or bad for everyone else? Certainly, that was a distinction that mattered!

Atticus Finch, the fictional lawyer in To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, is widely admired as a moral and courageous character, often cited as a role model for integrity and justice. Many readers and legal professionals regard him as one of the most inspiring figures in literature. And he is neither a “sensitive man” or a “macho man,” he is something else—and that something else feels like the ideal.

Picture Gregory Peck in the movie version of the novel. He is some fascinating blend of the strong, silent type and the sensitive type. In fact, he feels like an archetype of the ideal male. What name might we give that archetype, to stand alongside “sensitive man” and “macho man”? All of the following pop to mind: “wise protector,” “virtuous patriarch,” “just father,” “ethical guardian,” “sage warrior,” “benevolent mentor.” These are all interesting and suggestive.

It feels like at the core of this third archetype are ideas about morality, selflessness, wisdom, and benevolence. Not strong or weak, not talkative or silent, not emotionally expressive or emotionally reserved, not passive or aggressive, not risk-averse or risk-prone, but moral, wise, and benevolent. What shall we call this third archetype of masculinity?

These ideas have been floated before and have landed on the following three “third archetypes”: the wise man, the stoic man, and the man of quiet strength. This archetype represents a calm, composed, and principled form of masculinity where the individual balances strength with restraint, wisdom with action, and independence with responsibility.

His characteristics? Integrity. Self-control. Emotional depth coupled with emotional reserve. Someone worthy of respect. Someone who provides security without demanding submission. Most, if not all, of the examples of this third archetype are from novels, movies, or television shows: Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird, Captain Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation, Mr. Miyagi in The Karate Kid.

This feels like the new man we want. But does he not exist in real life and maybe can’t exist in real life? Let’s tackle that question next week.

Existential Wellness Coach Certificate Program

—

This Post is republished on Medium.

—

Photo credit: iStock