Are you guilty of saying this? Don’t make the same mistake again.
Are you tired of hearing “do something social,” being touted as dating advice?
If it was that easy you would have done it by now, and you’ve probably already done it.
People who have no idea about dating LOVE to give unsolicited dating advice. It doesn’t matter if they’ve just gone through their fifth divorce, or they got married straight out of high school and never had to tackle the dating world.
I’ve even heard guys with no experience meeting women in public (street, cafe, grocery store) tell me how easy it is. “Just be confident!”
But it’s not.
And neither are any of these other gems which fit into the category of “Worst advice to give a single person.”
Just be yourself
This is one of the most cringe worthy pieces of dating advice to ever circulate (and never ever dies). If a single guy just needed to “be himself” then the problem would have been solved already, because he is himself!
Guys who can’t meet the kind of partner they want become too nervous to be freely expressive when they’re around someone they find attractive. All of their natural charisma and charm goes out of the window under stress. Their default nervous behavior will kick in, so technically, still being himself but not the good part. That takes some effort to build the confidence needed to meet and date a high quality woman.
With the right experience the nerves will calm down, and the better side of his personality can shine through.
Do something social
Social activities are great for having fun, but if you’re focused on meeting someone you’ll probably not enjoy yourself very much. It’s a distraction thinking “I’ve gotta meet someone here!” Instead of just enjoying what you’re doing.
On the other hand, if you’re going because you actually enjoy the activity then you might meet someone with mutual interests. No matter what you’re doing there is a chance you could meet someone cool, but some things get tainted when that’s the main focus.
If you’re open to meeting potential dates everywhere then your dating-net will be much bigger.
Just be confident
Nope. What exactly does this mean? Confidence is KEY to meet and attract an awesome partner, but nobody seems to know what it really is when they say “Just be confident.” Well G-golly, I’ll just do that! Women will be swooning…
Except real confidence is something that requires experiences and technical know-how to internalize. There are some instant confidence boosters like correcting our posture, keeping our heads up, smiling, and taking our hands out of our damn pockets. Control of those aspects of our body language will immediately create a greater feeling of confidence.
However, to develop a deep, lasting confidence that we can call on when we need it, experiences which scare us will be necessary. Introducing ourselves to strangers, public speaking, asking an attractive woman (or man) out, or even challenging your fear of heights will all push you out of your bubble and force you to change.
These are all things you can do, but saying “Just be confident” doesn’t mean anything to a single person.
The “three day rule”
After meeting someone, the best way for them to forget about you and lose the emotional charge they (hopefully) had when you met is to wait three days to get in touch. The intention is to not show TOO MUCH interest, but the advice is ill informed.
We like people who are interested in us, not people who pretend to be too cool for us. It’s more of a question of balance and not going overboard with interest because you should have your own life. Getting someone’s number and then pretending to not be interested isn’t going to help you though. The best way to not be needy is to have other options, not by putting up an act.
Follow up with anyone you’ve just met on the same day while you’re still fresh in their mind. The window of opportunity dies fast.
Be a gentleman
A lot of people mean different things when they talk about being a gentleman. The way that many men apply this concept is by being a doormat.
Treating your date like royalty while you’re the lowly servant won’t win you any brownie points. In fact, you’ll likely kill any chance at attracting your date. Some social savvy and manners can go a long way, but never put anyone on a pedestal. Being assertive will get you much farther than kissing anyone’s a**.
Having said that, some old-school chivalry is a nice compliment to a night out with the opposite sex. It just has to be used like a spice, and not poured on too heavy.
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