I learned the same few things about marriage as I was growing up.
“Await the man who gives flowers to you at home!”
” Waiting for the man who’s got six packs and an extra one to flex his muscles”
“Await the man who keeps the door open for you every time.”
“Await the man who buys you jewels as a gesture of goodwill!”
I was never instructed to wait for the silent worker who performed tasks for me. The actions were practically unnoticed because they weren’t showy, expensive, or performed in public.
This morning, I experienced a severe anxiety attack. Fortunately, it took place on a day when my spouse came home from work.
It began like it normally does.
The shadowed face with day’s sorrows laced with labored breathing
the sensation of being unable to flee.
the perspiring hands.
the stomach-turning.
Photo by William Daigneault on Unsplash
As we were driving home, my spouse noticed and took my hand.
I concentrated on the wind’s sensation.
the aroma of recently cut grass
My perspiring hands were on the leather seat.
He tells me to “just breathe, darling,” as he can see that I’m having trouble breathing.
I experience a slight wave of relief as we get closer to our home.
At home, I always feel more secure.
However, I’m not yet ready to exit the vehicle.
I’m unwilling to move.
I need a moment to unwind and regulate my breathing.
My spouse holds my hand, opens his phone, and starts watching a YouTube video while remaining silent.
without sound.
He let go of my hand after about twenty minutes and asked, “Are you ready to go inside at this point?
He was completely aware of my current needs.
Just to simply sit and exist.
I recalled being instructed to wait for the man to bring me flowers, hold the door open, and other customary tasks at that same moment.
But the man who works in solitude is the one I’m so glad I waited for. He always makes me happy by doing things that I need. He doesn’t try to change who I am; he just lets me be.
the man who waits for me to take a breath while we sit in a hot car together without saying a word.
The man who patiently waits by my side as I struggle with my ingrained anxieties.
Because, as you may know, my hubby doesn’t frequently bring me flowers.
He doesn’t tend to impulsively purchase my jewelry.
But he is the type of person who will simply sit by my side during my darkest hour.
And I believe that right there is something that worth the wait.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Ben White on Unsplash