In this series, I’d like to present principles and concepts from Zen Buddhism and invite you, through journal prompts, to consider how making use of these principles might improve your intimate relationships. In each post, I’ll present five principles and two journal prompts per principle. Please enjoy!
Here are the next five principles we’ll consider.
The Truth of Suffering (Dukkha)
Dukkha is a central concept that is often translated as “suffering,” “pain,” “unsatisfactoriness,” or “stress.”
By comprehending dukkha in its various forms and by understanding its causes and the means to transcend it, practitioners aim to achieve enlightenment, or Nirvana, a state free from suffering. The various forms of suffering include physical suffering (illness, injury, aging, etc.); emotional and mental suffering (grief, anger, frustration, etc.); and existential suffering (including the dissatisfaction or discomfort that arises from the impermanent and changing nature of life, even in moments of pleasure and joy.)
+ Are you suffering in your intimate relationship? What is causing that suffering?
+ Is your loved one suffering in your intimate relationship? What is causing that suffering?
The Cessation of Suffering (Samudaya)
Samudaya is the term used to refer to the second of the Four Noble Truths: the Truth of the Origin of Suffering.
The primary cause of samudaya is identified as tanha, which means “craving” or “thirst.” Tanha encompasses a range of desires and attachments, including the craving for sensory pleasures, the craving for existence itself, and the craving for self-annihilation. Craving is seen as a powerful force that propels the cycle of samsara (the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth) and perpetuates suffering. By identifying and reducing craving and attachment, practitioners can move towards the cessation of suffering (Nirodha), which is the third Noble Truth.
+ Are there cravings that are harming your intimate relationship?
+ Can you see a way to eliminate, or at least reduce, those cravings?
The Cessation of Craving (Nirodha)
Nirodha is the realization that suffering can be ended. It is the state where craving (tanha) and clinging (upadana) have been extinguished; this state of cessation is known as Nirvana, which is the ultimate goal in Buddhism. Nirodha refers to the third of the Four Noble Truths, the Truth of the Cessation of Suffering, and means “cessation,” “extinction,” or “quenching.” It is achieved by overcoming and letting go of all forms of craving and attachment, which are the primary causes of suffering. Key steps to achieving Nirodha include cultivating right view, practicing right intention, engaging in right livelihood, and developing mindfulness.
+ Do you believe that the suffering that is occurring in your intimate relationship can be extinguished? Does that seem possible?
+ If you do see that as possible, what might be “the path” to extinguishing it?
The Path to End Suffering (Magga)
Magga (also spelled “marga”) refers to the fourth of the Four Noble Truths: the Truth of the Path to the Cessation of Suffering. The path, called the Noble Eightfold Path (Ariya Atthangika Magga), provides a practical guide for ethical and mental development with the goal of achieving Nirvana, the end of suffering. It is not a linear progression but rather a set of practices to be developed simultaneously and provides a comprehensive framework for transforming one’s mind and one’s life. By following the Noble Eightfold Path, practitioners aim to cultivate wisdom, ethical behavior, and mental discipline, which together lead to the cessation of suffering.
+ Buddhism describes an Eightfold Path to extinguish suffering. What might your path look like?
+ How might you and your loved one collaborate on that path?
Freedom (Vimutti)
Vimutti (also spelled “vimukthi” or “vimoksha”) refers to liberation or release from the cycle of birth and death (samsara) and the cessation of suffering (dukkha). It is the state of being free from all forms of suffering, including physical, emotional, and existential pain, and is achieved by eradicating the root causes of suffering, primarily ignorance (avijja) and craving (tanha). Vimutti is achieved by following the Noble Eightfold Path, which provides a comprehensive framework for ethical conduct, mental discipline, and wisdom. The path includes Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration.
+ Picture you and your mate free of suffering. What do you see?
+ Describe “freedom from suffering” in your own words.
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READ PART ONE HERE
More to come!
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In the midst of life’s ongoing pressures, a powerful, ten-second technique can change fear or worry into calm, strength, and centeredness. The basis of Ten Zen Seconds lies in using a single deep breath as a container for a specific thought. Blending Eastern principles of breath awareness and mindfulness with Western principles of positive psychology, this guide presents meditative incantations that offer powerful antidotes to stress, procrastination, and anxiety.
The technique is simple to grasp, simple to use, simple to practice, and simple to master. It can be used anywhere, anytime, by anyone, and it provides profound benefits. You’ll find yourself able to do things that previously felt too painful or too difficult to attempt and discover how to quiet and center yourself before an important meeting or conversation. Ultimately, you’ll change your basic attitudes about life, becoming peaceful and upbeat instead of anxious or pessimistic.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
