“Who do you think is more ripped? Captain America or Wolverine?” asked my son’s friend.
“Wolverine,” answered my son, Jaxen.
I listened in as I prepared dinner. Their conversation focused on how superheroes look, not what makes them unique or what they have accomplished.
At one point, his friend declared, “I’m soooooooo rippppped!”
I wanted to say something, but I let them be. It seemed like innocent banter at a sleepover for seven-year-olds, but it bothered me.
The next day, I talked to Jaxen about their conversation, “You know, I think it’s cool that most superheroes are ripped, but remember what Daddy says about having muscles, buddy?”
“There are many ways to be strong, Daddy.”
There are many ways to be strong.
I created this saying during my divorce years when I lived in a basement studio called The Cave. The Cave was covered with padded mats, so we spent hours wrestling, often with our shirts off. I’d let them punch me in my six-pack abs as hard as they could, and they were light enough at the time for me to curl each of them with one arm.
They’d comment on my muscles, and I’d say, “Strong muscles are good, but remember — there are many ways to be strong!”
Nowadays, at eleven and thirteen, I’d keel over if I let them punch me in the gut as hard as they can, and they call me Dad instead of Daddy. Jaxen has been working out doing push-ups and asking about which exercises will give him a V-shaped back and a big chest.
With a lifetime of keeping in shape for adventure sports and recently pursuing a new career as a personal trainer and nutrition coach, I have plenty of knowledge to help my little dude. However, I also want to keep things in perspective for him. He’s more bombarded with images and messages on social media than I ever was.
In recent years, a new term has emerged for young males known as muscle dysmorphia or bigorexia, where males exercise excessively to bulk up.
This makes sense with the popularity of superhero movies and influencers. Hugh Jackman, the actor who played Wolverine, reportedly dehydrated himself to be sickly ripped for many scenes in the film.
Ladies, we’re catching up to you with body image issues! A study published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders showed up to a quarter of young males have eating disorders associated with body size.
With this fact in mind, I’m determined to raise my kids to be aware of their mental and physical health. I want them to care for their bodies and feel proud of their appearance. It’s a balance of living up to our own standards while considering how society’s standards influence us.
I look forward to modeling my continued habits for physical and mental health and watching my kids grow to the point where they can kick my ass. I still have a few years, but the time is coming!
Now, back to my saying, there are many ways to be strong. It’s a great line that needs more direction and specifics, so I’ve made a quick list of ways to be strong other than rattling off one-arm pull-ups, something I was able to do during rock climbing heydays.
I love one-liners. They make me rise when I’m down and stop me in my tracks when I’m making a poor decision or saying something hurtful. One-liners help me be the best human I can be.
This list is a reminder to myself and for my kids. Feel free to add to it in the comments!
Ways to Be Strong
- Strong is admitting when you are wrong and trying to right your wrongs.
- Strong is showing compassion, loving deeply, and being there for those you love.
- Strong is being honest with yourself and others, even if it makes us uncomfortable.
- Strong is examining your history and traumas to be a better human— a better partner.
- Strong is following your passions.
- Strong is going out of your comfort zone.
- Strong is showing up even when you don’t feel like it.
- Strong is knowing it’s okay to falter, fall, and cry before you rise again.
If you liked this piece, you might like these too. Thanks for reading.
https://medium.com/a-parent-is-born/giving-our-kids-the-power-to-deal-e97a86f6156a
https://medium.com/the-ascent/pounding-love-into-my-kids-babb6d617602
Sources:
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/eat.23094
https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/co-occurring-disorders/male-body-issues/
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash