I’m not sure when this happened, but suddenly, everyone is some kind of a “dating coach.”
I’m attributing it to the rapid rise of YouTube and Tik Tok, because it’s easy to create an account and start shaping it around whatever you want to talk about with zero barriers to entry.
That’s all well and good, but it does start to become something of a mess of lazy information and a lot of people just repeating each other because it must be a safe thing to say.
One of these topics within the dating sphere is “game.”
That phrase is not new, it’s actually something guys have been concerned with for quite a while. However, on YouTube and Tik Tok especially, lots of people refer to game because of the informal nature of their coaching.
Game has always been a funny concept to me because it implies that guys have to talk to girls in some kind of a smooth, convincing, and even different way than they do compared with talking to each other.
As you read in the title, I don’t agree with that at all. You should always come across as the same person.
The word “manipulation” is a harsh word to use in this context, but it is basically what is recommended to guys when they are talking to girls. They have to manipulate the conversation and the overall interaction to get the results they want.
I genuinely don’t agree this is the case and in my opinion, you will hinder your results if you use manipulative tactics because the other person will sense that you’re not being completely genuine.
We all have intuition. Some people, we just don’t trust or we’re not too sure about them. There isn’t always a pinpoint reason why, but we feel it in our gut.
Well, that lack of trust gets triggered when you have to apply game on someone you like.
This is why I say game doesn’t exist:
If you were the thing you imagined, you’d be good to go. The problem is that you are not whatever it is you’re trying to show.
An example of this is shyness. This is something that many people want to conceal when they’re talking to someone they like because they’d be embarrassed if the other person found out they were shy. It’s ridiculous to even think that way but it’s natural for many.
Have they considered if that other person likes shyness though?
What if that person doesn’t like loud, boisterous people and they actually are really attracted to shyness?
Again, this is where the problem lies. Game means you’re supposed to abandon yourself to become someone you are not.
Even though, if this person does follow through with you, they’re going to find out eventually who you really are anyway. You can’t trick someone forever.
Game implies that it’s an act when it’s not.
You don’t learn game, you just learn how to be personable, sociable, funny, comfortable. It’s literally people skills.
If you can talk to guys, you can talk to girls. As long as you’re not overthinking it, that is. There isn’t much more to it.
Am I really supposed to be just a laid-back, goofy guy with my buddies and then a stoic, business-like, formal guy if Im on a date?
No, I should be the same person all the time. My values don’t ever change, my boundaries don’t change, and I’m not trying to convince anyone to like me.
People that are compatible will naturally gravitate towards each other.
That’s why the best things always happen when you’re not trying for them. It’s because your guard is down and you’re not trying to communicate anything to that person other than your most natural self. There’s really no other way to do it.
Game is garbage.
Find out who you are exactly and what you want in life and stand for it firmly. You will have more confidence and people will be able to respect that you’re comfortable with who you are and you go for what you want.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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