Things I Learned Over the Past Decade

Do the Things that Make You Happy — Even If Nobody Else Does It With You. Movies, concerts, you name the activity and countless times I’ve experienced by going solo. Some people might judge you — I sometimes being judged as a mom who goes out too much and enjoy too much me-time. Well guess what? Those people are usually not your inner circle. Your inner circle will understand your decisions and your priorities. Me-time is important to keep you sane. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your family. It rather means that you love yourself for them.
Money Does NOT Define Happiness. Don’t get me wrong. It’s important to be financial stable in your life, but it’s not necessarily defined your happiness. 5 years ago I made a decision that I’ll never forget: I sacrifice my happiness for money. I didn’t even realize that the decision I made will have several consequences in my life; but back then I went for the money. While deep down I knew the job descriptions didn’t set with me well, I still took the job instead just for the paycheck. The workload and lack of coordination were causing a crazy turn in my life (including affecting my personal life at that time) until I decided to put a stop into it, took a few steps back and reflect. Lessons learned. Never ever took a job, any job, just for the money.
It’s Ok to Not Have it all Figured Out. I’m used to having a plan. And then back-up plans. But, you know what, now I learned to see what you haven’t done yet as possibility, not failure. As a list person, I used to view everything I hadn’t done yet as looming failures. But sometimes you just gotta enjoy the whole process and journey. Yes, life sometimes can turn unexpectedly; but most of the times, you can surprise yourself in how you’re dealing with those surprises and creating events that you never think of before.
You Are Not That Important To Most People. What you post on social media will be forgotten within the period of 48 hours. Seriously, people aren’t thinking about what you are doing as much as you think they are. I struggled to learn this. At networking events, no one minds if you talk to one person the whole time. No one cares if you’re having brunch in a fancy-schmancy restaurant. They really don’t. So the whole key is to stop being obsess with yourself and stop comparing your life with other people’s life.
Don’t Believe In Parameters That People Define For You. You’ve been told that you’re too introverted to become a public speaker or not athletic enough to run for a marathon. Don’t listen to them. Don’t let people tell you who you are or what you’re capable of. On the other hand, while other people might try to tell you what you’re capable of, the loudest voice when it comes to shutting down our plans is often our own. We make up rules for ourselves to follow, or create metrics of success that only get in our way. Reflect and reassess your own rules again and again.
Listen to Your Body. I’ve been in and out hospital for different reasons over the past decade and finally figure out what’s going on: I never listen to my body when it screams for help; until it reminds me to the level that I cant even get up. Physical and mental health are both important and you should never be ashamed of ’em. I’ve been struggling with my weight my whole life and I’ve been telling myself that I love my body; while the reality was, I keep gain more and more weight and hiding behind that reason. That’s not self-love. That’s ignorance. I weighed 59kg in 2009; weighed 109 kg by mid May 2019 (when I was about to give birth to my 3rd child) and I decided to stop harming myself from overeating. I started to workout regularly and maintain my intakes. Now I weighed 76kg. I still got a long way to go, but now I can say out loud that I love my body and I mean it.
Sometimes You Outgrow Friends And That’s Okay. People never really tell you when you’re young how hard it is to maintain friendships once you’re an adult. Everyday life often gets in the way, and finding the time to get together becomes increasingly difficult. It’s important to take stock in who you keep up with and which relationships need some nurturing. Some relationships will inevitably fade out, and that’s natural, but put in the effort to maintain the ones worth saving. I lost one of my closest friends few while back. While I was sad, but I believe that it was for the best. We’re both adults and we’re simply just walking towards different paths for now.
Most Things Are Not As Hard As You Think. All the anxiety and over-thinking sometimes cloud our judgement. It’s easy to say it now while at that time, you re-look on things over and over again; and over-complicate the whole process. You just need to remind yourself to take a few step backs and, if needed, ask from other people’s point of view as it can be helpful to survey the options available to us. Do not rush.
Speaking Of Rushing, There’s A Clear Difference Between Being Fast And Being Rushed. Being fast meaning you’re doing things efficiently; while rushing things will kill your productivity. Prioritize. Everything can’t be all urgent. It just can’t be. It’s not about how much you do. It’s about taking the time to give your best and refusing to sacrifice well-being.
Everyone Has Their Own Pace (but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive to be the best). Life is never a contest. You’re not ahead, you’re not behind — you’re your own measure. I must be honest, I still have a habit of calculating how old someone must have been when they experienced this success or that, to figure out how I measure against them. I have to remind myself that how you measure your life is of your own making, and comparison is nothing more but the thief of joy. But it should not stop you from striving of what you deserve and achieve your potential.
You Can’t Control How People Think Of You, So You Might As Well Show Up As Yourself. You can be the prettiest, smartest, kindest person on earth, and there will be some people who still won’t like you. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to mold how people think of me by overcompensating or apologizing, depending on what I assumed someone would prefer. Now I know it’s futile.
There Is No Such Thing As Balance, Only Balancing Each Individual Moments. Life is movement, not a perfect or stagnant balance. I finally figured this out after juggling all the roles tagged on me. As a mother, wife, daughter, consultant, writer, I found that rather than striving for balance, we can strive to master the art of balancing, which allows for more curve and change in any given moment.
Travel Wherever You Can, Whenever You Can. I found that seeing the world and experiencing different cultures is not only fun, it makes a person well-rounded. Stepping outside of the bubble of your community can instill empathy and give you a new perspective. You don’t have to fly across the world. Even just a road trip across state lines can make a difference. I’m looking forward to have another adventure with my family, soon after the baby can carry his own luggage.
If You Don’t Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will. When you sit down to do your to-do list or think about your life goals or make a big decision, who’s priorities are you meeting? Yours? Your spouse’s? Your kids’? Your boss’? What are your priorities? I learned this the hard way and 2020 for me is about living purposefully.
Kindness Always Matters — And It’s Important to Put Love Above All Else. I remember when Grant Gustin got his first tattoo a few years ago and I can’t relate more. We’re only one portion of humanity in the world and it’s important to build tolerance and see from others’ perspective; and be kind to one another. To quote one of my favorite series of all time, SKAM, Fear spreads, but fortunately love does too.