Think She’s Rejected You? Check That You’re Not Rejecting Yourself First

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We’ve all got a fear of rejection for one thing or another, which cripples sometimes even the hardest of men. I know guys who can belt other men in the ring or on a game field.

But the mere thought of being rejected by a woman brings him to his knees. Crippling him from even trying.

Women have this sixth sense about a man. And when we look at the context of dating, the man who gets (and keeps) the girl is the one who believes he deserves her.

The one who accepts himself fully and completely.

So if you don’t believe you deserve attention, affection, and love from an amazing woman … then there’s a high chance you’re behaving in a way pushes a woman to reject you, i.e. you’re rejecting yourself first.

This is why I focus purely on mindset in my coaching practice. Because you could have all the fancy strategies in the world, but if your psychology and energy aren’t on point, then your efforts are futile.

So here are 4 ways you reject yourself first and how to flip the script so you attract women to you easily;

1. You Use Negative Words & Phrases About Women, Yourself & Relationships

Language is the megaphone to intent. In other words, the things you think and say are decisions, not facts. Thoughts, feelings, actions, and reactions are all linked. So when you speak negative words and phrases out loud (or out loud in your head), you’re making a decision to create that reality.

It makes you behave in line with that decision … and will get you results you didn’t want in the first place.

For example, if you say, ‘Women don’t look at guys like me’, that’s a decision. And from that decision, you’ll behave in a way that either repels women, makes them overlook you … or blocks you from seeing that she’s been checking you out all freakin’ night. But because your attitude sucks, you’re blind to other possible realities.

AND there’s a part of you that WANTS to believe that. So that you don’t have to try, get hurt or put yourself out there … so be honest with yourself about that.

What To Do Instead:

Brainstorm a list of negative things you say about women, relationships and yourself in relation to both. That’ll give you insights into why things aren’t working out for you … because it affects your behavior and the way women interact with you.

The second part of this is to change your whole perspective about women, relationships and yourself in relation to both. This will change your attitude and make you a more attractive prospect.

2. You Play The Push/Pull Game

This goes in line with the point above, well that’s where it starts from. But the ‘last minute pull away’ is the biggest killer of your love life. Most people treat dating in a push/pull fashion because they’re terrified of getting hurt.

The problem is that THAT’S what creates the hurt. You’re operating from this energetic tug-o-war where in your brain you’re going, ‘Yes I want this’ one minute and then ‘No I don’t’ the next.

It’s like deciding you want to go to McDonald’s and then deciding that you’re getting fat so shouldn’t, only to drive aimlessly around town trying to figure out what you do want (yes, I have done this) … and going home with a bottle of red wine instead to commiserate (yep. Still me).

But if you do this to a chick, she’ll wonder what the hell you’re doing … and if you’re even into her.

Imagine her doing this back to you and the mess that ensues. That’s why women are so flaky … because they’re stuck in their own push/pull struggle.

What To Do Instead:

Decide what you want and go for it! Hold the intention strong in your mind that you’re ready to meet someone. Don’t let ANY doubt or negativity seep into your brain … and if it does, pay no attention to it.

When women see this behavior in a man, she sees consistency. She feels safe that he’s sure of himself and it improves her behavior because she doesn’t feel the need to push/pull when she knows where she stands, because you know she’s the one you want.

3. You Punish & Self Flagellate, Believing That The More You Put Yourself Down, The Better You’ll Feel

You KNOW this is the worst tool in your arsenal. Go back to point #1 and reread if you don’t think it is.

Anytime you put yourself down, you buy into that Low-Value version of yourself – and that affects your looks, posture, and overall vibe. The most attractive men are the ones who don’t beat themselves up; instead, they learn.

You won’t feel better about it, you’ll project that way of being onto other people … and they’ll react in response to that.

What To Do Instead:

Love your damn self! Read books, watch videos, journal, do EFT, go to the gym … ANYTHING that’ll build your confidence and self-esteem. And catch yourself when you find yourself saying crappy things. You’re awesome!

So believe it.

4. You See Rejection AS Rejection Rather Than Feedback To Improve

I was talking to a client yesterday about ‘divots’. He was down because he had a date that he thought went well, but didn’t hear from her again.

His mood was affecting his entire body. Rejection feels like an attack on your entire being (if you let it), but if you keep hanging out there with it, you’ll spiral and end up throwing in the towel.

This is the divot.

You don’t get out of your car and feel sad as you study another pothole you’ve run over, you keep moving.

This is the same thing. So she didn’t want to see you again? Big deal!

What To Do Instead:

Stop pinning your hopes on a woman to make you happy and instead do that for yourself. The reason you’re feeling the pain of rejection is because you’re not dealing with the self-worth issues going on. AND you’re ruminating on what ‘could’ve been’.

Don’t do that to yourself.

When you have a strong sense of self-worth, you see rejection as ‘whatever’ … or as a lesson to learn something. Either that she’s done you a favor… and/or there are things you need to work on within yourself.

There’s no such thing as failure. Only feedback.

Women are more attracted to men who are happy within themselves. So your issues with rejection are actually issues with loneliness, feelings of inadequacy and fear – the women rejecting you are showing you that.

The TRUE path to success and being a High Value Male is to value yourself first. And while the road is bumpy (I won’t lie), slightly unsexy and will open you up, leaving you bleeding on the floor … it’ll also change your freakin’ life.
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Originally Published on The High Value Male
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Photo Credit:  Getty Images