You could be in the cutest, most loving and passionate relationship right now…
Perhaps you can’t keep your hands off each other. Maybe you feel butterflies whenever you think about them. This person might feel perfect for you.
You’re still not safe from this problem.
In fact, the sweetest couples are the most likely to fall victim to it.
I call it chasing fireworks.
How You Start Doesn’t Matter
It’s so exciting to get lost in the blissful early stages of love.
Every touch, every kiss, every lingering stare feels like ecstasy. It’s an unforgettable experience that everyone should enjoy.
But this phase has no bearing on the long-term success of your relationship.
The honeymoon has to end, and the way you react can make or break your relationship.
What Happens When The Honeymoon Ends?
At some point, you’re not going to feel that same sense of lust and passion. You’re going to notice your lover’s imperfections. You might begin to bicker and argue.
When this happens, some people begin to worry.
They compare those beautiful first stages to how they feel now — and assume something must be wrong.
They begin to question whether their partner is the right person for them. And some people jump ship in search of the next adrenaline rush.
This may well be the biggest mistake they’ll make in their lives.
The Cycle Of Chasing Fireworks
That adrenaline rush isn’t difficult to find these days.
Apps like Tinder and Bumble have made dating more of a dopamine fest than ever before.
Most women (and a small % of men) could arrange to date the next exciting hottie within a few hours of their break-up. And they may well begin to feel the tingles again.
But how long until that wears off and they’re right back where they started?
This cycle of chasing fireworks will never end because the fireworks always fizzle out.
If you’re interested in a serious relationship, you need to date smarter.
How To Decide If Your Partner Is A Keeper
It’s no good making romantic decisions based purely on the butterflies in your stomach.
The adrenaline of the honeymoon period can’t last forever.
So, as difficult as it may be, you need to look beyond this to see what else this person will bring to your life.
Do you even know what you want in a relationship beyond goofy-happy feelings and great sex?
If not, it’s time to work it out.
List five personality traits that you want in a long-term partner — and use your early dates to figure out if this person has them.
If they do, hold onto them. If not, it’s best to let them go, no matter how much they make your heart race.
What’s Beyond The Honeymoon Period?
The length of the honeymoon period will be different for different couples.
There are ways to extend it; you can introduce new gestures of affection, new date ideas or new moves in the bedroom.
But this glorious phase still won’t define the long-term success of your relationship.
You’ll ultimately hit a plateau and you’ll have two choices:
- Call it quits;
- Enter a new phase.
If your partner has all the personality traits you’re looking for, I’d urge you to move into the new phase. I call it choosing love.
In this phase, you don’t feel as much of a natural urge to show your affection, but you do it anyway.
You continue to smother them with kisses when they come home from work. You continue to think of unique gestures to make them feel special. You continue to support their wider goals in life. Even if you don’t always feel like it.
This might feel more like hard work. But long-term relationships are hard work. The secret is finding someone so amazing that you want to work together with them.
This won’t be every person who gave you goosebumps for the first few months of your relationship. More likely, it’ll be the person you truly admire who chooses to love you too.
Choosing Love Is More Fulfilling
The ‘choosing love’ phase might not be as electric as the honeymoon period, but it’s more fulfilling.
This is where you develop an unbreakable intimate bond. It’s where you build a legacy together. It’s where you become an unstoppable team.
Do you want marriage? Children? To travel the world? You can achieve anything in a couple where both people put the team before themselves.
To get there, you’ll need to hold on when the honeymoon is over.
That phase might have been fun while it lasted. But, with the right person, the future will be even better.
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My articles teach young men how to escape their comfort zones, improve their mental health and make better dating decisions. Follow me on Medium for more useful advice.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Jainam Sheth on Unsplash
