Three Strange Things that Make Men Fall and Stay in Love

I’m very into the science behind what makes a man fall in love and what keeps him in a relationship. Seriously. Since 2002, I’ve devoted many hours to studying the subject and asking thousands of men what first triggered it for them.

I appreciate it when they say something that makes me drop my mouth, like the time one man stated, “It was our first date.” We made out in a moving car, with neither of us behind the wheel.

Alternatively, there was the occasion someone else claimed, “I fell in love with my wife on the third date.” She had to go to the bathroom as we were making out at the viewing point. She brushed him off, saying, “It’s okay, I’ll go in the bushes.” We did not have to leave the vantage point in search of a restroom or a solution to a problem. At the time, I felt a strong attraction to her.

It’s no surprise that sex is high on the list of what causes a man to fall in love, but just because we’re women doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen to us.

While men who place a high value on cooking tend to rank it considerably lower than we might assume, for these men, cooking is more of a necessity than a wish. (“How do you boil water again, baby?”).

What makes guys fall in love and how they fall are often composed of factors that we would never give much weight to if we gave it any thought at all.

There are three unusual factors that cause guys to fall in love and stay in relationships.

1. The Comfort Of Your Joy

Both “No one’s happy unless mama’s happy” and “happy wife, happy life” are not made up sayings.

A man won’t tie the knot or form a business partnership with someone he doesn’t think he can make happy. When they depart, they usually remark something along the lines of, “You deserve to be with someone who can make you happy.”

If we feel the urge to share our joy with others, we are doing them a great service.

A guy I know has been out of work for far longer than he would have liked. It was wearing him down, and he was starting to feel terrible about himself as a result. He was ashamed of himself and his life choices, so when his 20-year class reunion rolled around, he put it off.

When she went in on his arm, his wife knew she’d be the happiest person there. Even ten years after their reunion, he told me about the amazing night they shared. She brought joy and hope into his life and became the focal point of his existence.

2: What Did You Do To Get Him?

You could imagine that once a man finds out how badass you are, he will immediately fall in love with you. Just kidding! If you say so, you are well-educated, hilarious, successful, well-traveled, and not evil-looking. But your exceptional listening abilities will elevate you from intriguing to irresistible.

Women can be captivating conversationalists, but if you really want to attract a man, it’s best to shut up and listen. In other words, pay close attention to what he says.

Instead of pretending to be interested in what he’s saying while secretly counting down the eight minutes until it’s your turn to talk, just listen to what he has to say and you’ll be one of the most interesting people he’s ever had the pleasure of conversing with.

Being heard and understood is a basic human need, and listening can help bring people closer together.

3: The Charm Of You Is In Your Human Flaws

What the… Yes! You know that tooth you’ve been putting off fixing? I think it’s cute.

It’s all in how you say “Worcestershire.”

Whether it’s the fact that your left breast tilts to the right and your right breast points straight out.

Sexy!

And those appendages at your waist aren’t called “hate handles” any longer, are they?

In many cases, it’s precisely our “flaws” that end up making us so endearing to others.

Men take in our full complexity, and when they love us, they accept us as we are.

Since Mark Darcy didn’t tell Bridget Jones he’d like her more if she lost weight in the thighs and breasts (who doesn’t remember Colin Firth smoking, “I like you, very much. Renée Zellweger: “Just as you are”

Accept yourself just as you are. Actually, he will.

These three points are really true, but I don’t want to come across like something out of Good Housekeeping from 1951. If you’re not in the mood to hear about the many natural gifts you already have access to on your route to permanent love, I’m not going to dish up a new standard to beat yourself up with.

Take advantage of the transformative power of active listening, never underestimate the importance of expressing genuine joy, and take pride in the quirks that make you, well, you.

Above all else, foster the genuine manifestation of your soul, and men of all stripes — your boyfriend, your children, your coworkers, and your friends — will fall in love with you in their own unique ways.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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