It’s been a minute, as they say. Actually four and a half years. I’ve been gone now twice as long as I was involved, and the binding threads are frayed and more and more are broken. I can think about him with less emotion and more curiosity. My body tells me it is ok to remember.
So much processing and healing these years. He’s moved from intruding into my thoughts multiple times each day to living — appropriately — in a small box in my mind where he generally stays unless I invite him out. And more and more I find myself blessedly uninterested.
What was everything you needed to know about me has become a footnote to my story. Sometimes I even forget to mention this part of my life or decide it is irrelevant. He, who was a monster of astonishing proportions, has become irrelevant.
I am learning that when I tell a story without it moving me to greater understanding and reflection, the story just gets bigger. But when I use the process to organize the puzzle pieces, learn the patterns, and come to know myself more deeply, it seems to shrink. This, I have come to see, may be its job.
I offer this for all of us who are venturing on the journey of leaving, healing and self-love. For me, in the beginning it looked daunting, impossible, and beyond my comprehension. And yet, like every journey, it turned out to be simply one foot in front of the other. One realization. One brave act. One piece of logistics. One thing I could do to care for myself.
Time helps us heal when we do our work. The energy can move. The body can release. We can grow.
—
This post was previously published on But Now I Know Your Name and is republished on Medium.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 |
 |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock
