No parent is perfect, and parenting has been a work in progress since the dawn of humanity. However, when parenting, it’s important to be mindful of how you parent and try to avoid any toxic parenting techniques.
These are techniques that can harm more than hurt, even if you think you have noble intentions. Let’s look at some of them.
Overly Criticizing
Nothing is wrong with giving your child some constructive criticism every now and then. A child needs to learn, after all. The problem comes with parents who criticize their children all the time. Everything the child does is wrong, and any good behaviors aren’t praised. While a parent may think they’re preparing their kid for the harshness of the world, it just makes the child grow up to be someone who thinks they are never good enough.
Excessive Protection
An overly-protective mother or father is a toxic trait that has been criticized quite a bit. As parents, we want our parents to be safe and secure. However, some parents will not let their kids play with others or even go outside due to fears. This isn’t to say that you should let your kids roam anywhere they want to, but the best parenting style tends to be a balance between overprotection and no protection at all.
Not Letting Their Children Express Their Emotions
Some parents do not want to listen if a child has a grievance. If a child is questioning something, the parent may ignore their kid or give the classic “because I said so,” treatment.
There is a time to do this. For example, a young child throwing a tantrum should not be negotiated with. However, if your child does have legitimate emotions, it’s important to listen to them. Show positivity, yes, but listen to your kids as well.
Mean Jokes
There is a difference between playful picking on a kid and always making mean jokes. For example, if your kid is overweight, making little quips about their weight is just going to lead them to have self-esteem issues. There are other ways to tackle a kid’s weight than that. Mean jokes can lead to a child having self-esteem issues, so it’s important to have a line and never cross it.
Yelling At Your Kid
Parents are human, and they can sometimes lose their temper at their kid if they did something wrong. However, yelling at your child all the time is a toxic trait. It just shows your child that anger is the only solution, and this can lead to various problems for your kid down the road.
If you do end up yelling at your child, it’s important for you to show your kid that this is not acceptable behavior. Find a place to cool down and then apologize to your kid. Remind your kid of their negative behavior, but also acknowledge your mistakes too.
Crossing Boundaries
Being a parent, it’s important for you to build trust between you and your child. That’s why you should never, as a parent, try to break their trust by crossing boundaries.
One of the classic examples of boundary crossing is coming into the child’s room without knocking. If you have an older child or teen who has a computer or phone, snooping on it without a good reason is another boundary you should avoid crossing.
These boundaries can be physical as well. For example, if your child doesn’t want to be hugged right now, breaking that boundary can show that you have no respect for your child’s boundaries.
While all parents tend to cross a boundary or two, it’s important to avoid that whenever possible.
Guilt Tripping
It’s important to teach your kids empathy and to realize that their actions may end up hurting others, but many parents take this idea too far. If your kid doesn’t want to do something, ranting about how much you’ve done for them may not be a wise move. If your older child wants to get in a career that you don’t agree with, making them feel guilty is not the way you convince them to change their mind.
It’s Okay to Seek Help
Some parents believe they don’t need any help raising their kids, but there is no shame in talking to other parents for solutions you may not have thought about. In addition, there is no shame in talking to a therapist if you want to stop your toxic parenting traits and replace them with more helpful techniques.
Online therapy can make parenting easier. Websites such as ReGain allow for the parent to learn more about what they should and shouldn’t do as a parent. In addition, a child can learn from therapy too. Everyone has ways to grow as people, and there’s no shame in growing.
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