Turning Outward

Another birthday.

Another one beginning.

We spend so much time thinking about the year that has passed, or the year that is coming… the things we want, the things we feel we need. There’s nothing wrong with dreaming, wishing, hoping, or reminiscing.

Last year, I promised myself something: to never let anyone make me question who I am or how I love again. To never let anyone take away the best parts of me. And if there’s one thing I got right this past year, it’s this promise.

I wasn’t perfect. But with everyone who came in or left my life, I stayed myself during, and I stayed myself after. Not for a second did I doubt myself.

I also promised to hold onto the love I’d found within myself and keep expanding it fearlessly. There were rocky parts, even days when I felt depressed or lost, but every setback led me somewhere better. I like to think I’ve kept that promise too.

My takeaway from 36 is the same one I’ll carry forever:

Find someone who makes you feel safe with their love.

Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe with their love.

And above all, be the one who makes you feel safe with your love.

Now 37 is here. And unlike last year, I’m not making long lists of plans or deciding how the year should look.

But I have something I didn’t before: clarity.

36 was about going inward… learning where I lose myself and how I find her again. Seeing how often I tried to make myself “right” for people, when really, I just needed to make things right for me.

This year, I’m turning outward. I know what’s right for me. I know who feels right to have around me. I’m ready to give the things I truly want a real chance.

I’ll still make mistakes and be easy on myself about them. I’ll still stay too long sometimes or give the benefit of the doubt to people who don’t show up. That’s who I am. But now I know when to stop and walk away.

I won’t let anything make me lose sight of what I know I deserve.

I want to continue to embrace this excitement I’ve been feeling daily about life without needing someone or something to give me a reason for it.

I’m not building my life around who stays or leaves anymore.

This new year of my life is about choosing myself, every single day, and trusting that what’s truly meant for me won’t need convincing to stay. It will just be, and it’ll feel calm, not chaotic.

So, 37… I don’t have answers for everything. I probably never will.

But I’m clear. I’m aware. I’m true to myself and others.

And that’s more than enough to wake up excited for.

Wherever you are in your journey… whether you’ve just celebrated a birthday, have one coming up, or you’re simply stepping into a new week or month… I hope you feel safe within yourself and find ways to wake up excited for no reason at all. We don’t need certainty or all the answers; we just need to trust that what’s right for us will always find its way.

—

This post was previously published on Wholistique.

***