Whether you choose to pursue “recovery” or choose to pursue “being as comfortable as possible while suffering from depression,” all I hope for is that you make your choice based on the future you want for yourself.
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It’s coming up to the one year anniversary that I’ve been what I’d describe as a very active mental health advocate, and one of the things I’ve realised over this time is that broadly speaking, people who suffer from depression can be divided into two different categories.
One class of people want to recover from depression, and channel all their energy into doing so. They’re the ones who work with their doctors and commit themselves to therapy – and if they can’t afford therapy, they bury themselves in more cost-friendly alternatives like self-help books and free online therapy. They make sure they eat well, do their best to sleep well, and even though it may be the last thing in the world that they feel like doing, they force themselves to exercise.
When I talk to them, they ask me:
“Danny, how did you recover from depression?”
“Do you have any tips on how I can get better?”
“Do you think there’s more that I could be doing to recover? If you think there is, then please tell me, because I want to recover as soon as possible.”
And because all their energy is dedicated to recovering, they usually do so, and they go on to live happy, healthy lives.
The second group of people, on the other hand, do not want to recover—rather, they’ve convinced themselves that they’re always going to suffer from depression, and as a result, their goal is just to be as comfortable while suffering from their affliction as they can.
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And because they don’t believe that they can get on top of their illness, they tend to do few of the things that would actually help them get on top of it.
After all, going to therapy isn’t exactly the most fun thing in the world to do, so if you’re goal isn’t to recover from depression, then why would you do it?
Same with reading self-help books and doing free online therapy—in the short run, you’d feel more “comfortable” watching TV or playing with your dog—so if your goal isn’t to recover from depression, then why would you bother?
Same story with healthy eating—it’s easier (and it tastes better!) to let yourself go then stick to a healthy diet, so if your goal was just to be as comfortable while suffering from your illness as possible as opposed to recovering from it for good, then you’re going to eat that hamburger with a large chips and Coke on the side instead of eating grilled chicken, a salad and a bottle of water.
Exercise, too—anyone who’s suffered from depression will tell you that there are days when you feel so tired that going for a run or playing some sport is the last thing in the world that you want to do—but people whose goal it is to recover from depression pull themselves out of bed and force themselves to do it, because they know that doing so will help them recover. However, people whose goal isn’t to recover from depression tend not to, because it’s more comfortable to stay in bed.
Like I said, people whose goal it is to recover from depression usually do, because they throw themselves into doing so and gobble up the fruits of their labour.
On the other hand, people who don’t have the goal of recovering from depression—people who just aim to be as comfortable while suffering from their depression as they can—tend not to recover, because their goal of “comfort” as opposed to “recovery” does not lead them to do the things that they need to do to in order to recover. As a result, depression rarely leaves them.
So I want to ask you point-blank:
What sort of person are you?
Are you the sort of person who has the goal of recovering from depression and is committed to doing so?
Or, are you the sort of person who aims to be as comfortable as you can while you suffer from depression, and as a result, don’t do the things you need to do to recover?
If you can honestly say you’re the former, then keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll get there eventually.
If you’re the latter, then I strongly encourage you to really think about what you want out of life.
If it’s what you’ve basically been getting up until this point, then by all means keep doing what you’re doing. As they say, if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.
But if you want something more—if you’re sick of feeling exhausted, if you’re sick of feeling miserable—hell, if you want to be happy, again—then I recommend changing things up. If you want something more, then your goal needs to be to recover from depression, and you need to commit yourself to achieving it.
Whether you choose to pursue “recovery” or choose to pursue “being as comfortable as possible while suffering from depression” is of course, entirely up to you, and I make no judgment as to what choice you make. All I hope for is that you make your choice based on the future you want for yourself.
This post originally appeared at Depression is not Destiny. Reprinted with permission.
Photo: Jinx!/Flickr
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If you enjoyed reading this post, I encourage you to download a FREE copy of my memoir here. Recounting my struggle and eventual triumph over depression, I wrote it so that sufferers of the illness could realise they are not alone – that there are other people out there who have gone through the same excruciating misery, and who have made it through to the other side. I also wrote it so that I could impart the lessons I learned on the long, rocky, winding road that eventually led to recovery – so that people could learn from my mistakes as well as my victories – particularly with regards to relationships; substance abuse; choosing a fulfilling career path; seeking professional help; and perhaps most importantly, having a healthy and positive attitude towards depression that enables recovery. Multiple-bestselling author Nick Bleszynski has described it as “beautifully written, powerful, heartfelt, insightful and inspiring … a testament to hope.”
I’d have to agree with jennifer. Depression robs you of your ability to see the point of getting better, the motivation or desire to do anything positive for yourself. This is just another version of “pull yourself together and get over it”.
I find your hypothesis both arrogant and dangerous. You seem to intimate that some people simply don’t want to get over their depression and in essence they are too lazy to do so. Would you say the same to a cancer patient– that it is their own laziness and lack of effort that causes them to not go into remission? What about a person with a broken leg? You wouldn’t dare and the idea would seem ludicrous. But because it is “mental health”, you feel different standards apply. While it make have worked for you, it is dangerous and irresponsible… Read more »
Here’s the thing, though. Everybody struggles with overcoming their own inertia. We’re all guilty of “laziness” or “giving ourselves a break” sometimes. Even if you don’t have any discernible depression in your life, don’t you have to decide if you want to put out the trash tonight, or get up early to do it, or decide that it can pile up for another week? So, it’s a matter of degrees, isn’t it? And not only can’t you know how bad someone’s depression is, you can’t really know how bad your own depression is. How much of not feeling good enough… Read more »
Good article, good concept but not all encompassing; perhaps not meant to be so. However if you are going to claim there are only two types of people with depression then I’d have to disagree. Also, there is not a “standard” form of depression that you have stated you’re using as a basis for your arguement. Depression has many sources and is so multi-faceted that I think your point of view of depression may be somewhat simplistic.
Well said. This is an interesting issue; I’m surprised no one has answered angrily yet. It seems a lot of people would rather hear their problems said by someone else than they would constructive advice. Some of them get outright defensive when someone tries to tell them that they can help themselves. Despite the fact that I suffer from depression, I have a hard time pinning down what I should expect out of myself, let alone what I can expect out of somebody else. Is their depression worse than mine, or are they just not trying? Are they complaining too… Read more »