As myriads of youngsters spend large portions of their time hooked onto screens, at the expense of real-life interaction, reading, sports and the arts, parents are growing increasingly alarmed.
Some have even resorted to the length of denying phones for their kids, believing this the only way to preserve their kids’ sanity and natural development.
On the converse side, a lot of parents present their kids with their own smart phone as early as the age of 6 or 7. To further complicate things, the majority of these children enjoy unrestricted phone access, too.
Surely electronic devices do come in with a solid educational potential attached — tons of information, language learning opportunities and socializing options, all at a single click. As a result, those who are prepared to make proper use of the gadgets can benefit a lot.
However, as early as the inventions’ first launch on the market, major tech creators spoke of their downsides. Steve Jobs publicly admitted not inroducing the I-pad to his own children at home. The reason being, the device is making things too easy for kids and may be intractably addictive.*
Indeed, some twelve years later today we bear witness to the way youngsters massively abandon real-life interests and interaction, all due to full-blown screen addiction.
We, as parents, need to realize the magnitude of the issue before it’s too late to reverse things. We need to accept that we have a large part to play, for in many ways, phone overuse is a parenting issue. It is up to us, parents, to set rules on the scope of tech use in our families. Our children’s smart phone isn’t their nanny, therapist, teacher or mommy. We are. It is we who decided to bring our children into the world — not the tech industry.
Photo by Shutterstock.com
Depending on the child’s age, temperament and personal needs, we need to be resourceful and apply varied strategies to instill healthy smart phone habits in our children as they grow.
1.Set example
First, we need to set an example for ourselves. Children naturally follow their parents’ actual behavior, rather than just their words.
We, parents, need to prioritize real family/relationship time, reading, sports and time in nature, above our smartphone entertainment. Our own social network addictions and other technological obsessions and compulsions must be dealt with. We need to demonstrate home relaxation practices alternative to screen entertainment. Sitting in the quiet to sip some tea/coffee, doing yoga/meditation or watering our balcony flowers, would all be invaluable examples for our kids to follow and apply in their daily routines. Such modelling will last a long time and is actually one of the most important modelling we could adopt to contribute to our kids’ health and balance further down the line.
Photo by iStockPhoto.com
2. Clear and consistently enforced phone use rules
Screen time limits, parental control apps, a proper age of introduction of own device and removing phones from children before bedtime are all essential. Again, we need to set them in place before we present our beloved kids with their own smart phones & I-pads.
3. Age of personal device ownership
I tend to believe children are not ready to have their own device before the age of 12. The reason being, they need to have had ample time to construct meaningful (and complex) pictures out of deciphering text graphics — letters, words, sentences and paragraphs first, before hopping onto the shortcuts of ready-made screen imagery and stimuli. If the latter takes place too early development-wise, we risk it dominating their cognitive and emotional development.
4. At maximum 1 or 2 hours phone use daily (in terms of entertainment)
I would advise no more than one or two hours of entertainment screentime daily. Every family decides when and what is best for them. Just make sure children get at least an hour or two of off-screen time before retiring to bed so their brains can unwind from stimulating screen imagery and sounds.
5. Set family phone use rules
Set overall family rules concerning smartphones — such that they apply to all family members. For example, no screens after 7–8pm for parents and kids alike. In case a parent needs to get an urgent job done (emailing, etc.), they make sure they specifically inform the rest of the family of that, then do their job and return to their evening rituals/family time afterwards.
6. Explicit instruction in base phone use
Make sure kids understand what phones are primarily used for — to call somebody and / or occasionally get some work done. It may be a wise idea to present a younger kid with an internet-free flip phone or those older Nokia versions in the picture below, as kids can happily use them to stay in touch with family and friends.
The old-fashioned phone I have been using for close to a year now. You might read more about my personal experience about it here: https://medium.com/@delteach/i-ditched-my-smart-phone-and-heres-what-i-got-in-return-1db175db9a4a
Image by iStockPhoto.com
The idea is to
7. teach and exhibit the principle of delayed gratification
Have kids do their tasks & help with chores first and only then get entertainment time on the phone. It is not accidental that the eminent M. Scott Peck (Psychiatry, MD) claimed in his “The Road Less Travelled” that the regular practice of delayed gratification is what may distinguish between sanity and insanity further along the road. I, too, believe this is a major principle in children’s upbringing. As such, it covers all aspects of life and clearly gains more and more importance as children grow.
For example, some families instill a rule of having kids read a certain number of novels first, before getting their own phone. Whatever the specific strategy, make sure kids first and foremost understand the enormous potential the web has in terms of information, knowledge and personal development. If it’s for a school project, preparing a presentation, or doing research on their own, let them be aware of these major practical uses before they get used to the fun of the Web.
In case your kid is very much into taking pictures, you can always
8. present them with a conventional camera
They can enjoy practicing the art of photography without being distracted by unrelated apps or web channels.
Photo by iStockPhoto.com
9. Ask your child’s school about their smart phone use policies
Choose schools that present kids with clear rules on smart phone use — both in class and outside class. The more time kids spend away from their phones, the better. The more opportunities for them to use phones for actual research and learning — rather than entertainment only — the better.
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In conclusion, we just can’t afford to expect children to get oriented in the smart world by themselves. Now more than ever, children do need our guidance. Coincidentally, the very meaning of “smart” suggests a duality, with the meaning of intelligent and causing sharp stinging pain in one and the same word. Or else — smartphones can either sting, or make one smarter.
At the end of the day, we, parents, choose which is which for our children.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
Great article. I’m one of the founders at CarrotsandCake.Com we’d definitely agree with these points but add that our app can help parents add delayed gratification and higher quality content whilst limiting screen time for younger kids. Keep up the great work!
Thanks for your feedback. Yes, i am sure there are fabulous apps out there which do a great job in helping out both parents and kids. I will be definitely checking your app, thanks again.