When I was little, I often wondered what those flowing tears meant as my Mom sobs in her bedroom. The door half-closed and comforts from my Dad was what I perceived. I was too young to understand what pain truly entails.
“Why are you crying, Mommy?”
This question often responded with a fake smile and white lies so you won’t have to worry. As a child, I didn’t quite understand how sadness is a valid emotion you have to sit and be in touch with, immersing all ears. In those moments, the only thing I can think of is how to make her happy again.
* * *
All of us have our divergent and unique pasts. The people we met, the environment we had, and how we were brought up by our parents play a great role in the molding of who we are now — our personalities and points of view. This goes the same with our mothers and fathers, if we are to further understand the way they treat us and other people — it is all coming from their childhood and past experiences.
I have always admired my Mom because she’s a survivor of a life drenched with struggles. She had also lost her father at the age of fifteen and lived an independent life on her own. She lost her beloved husband and has a son who survived cancer. She always made both ends meet for her children to live a good life. Some people tried to bring her down; sensitivity was trying to drown her though her emotionally strong personality kept her chin up.
There were times I had witnessed nervous breakdowns. Her pain was immense and all a daughter can do is to empathize. Your mother’s hurt may hurt you but compassion is always your needless choice. When my Dad passed away, our family was devastated but she kept her cool. She wanted me to see a brave front and there, I had always viewed her as a person that should be tremendously respected and adored. I followed her shadow into becoming an independent strong woman that she can be proud of, infinitely.
Mom, you were beautifully broken thus the power of love always finds a way to understand your pain.
Previously published on “A Parent Is Born”, a Medium publication.
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