Unlocking the Heart

“The only thing we need is to abandon the habit we have of considering real what is unreal. All religious practices are solely intended to help us achieve this. When we cease to consider real what is unreal, then only reality remains and that is what we will be” RAMADA MAHARSHI

On a deeper level, the source of our identity lies in the qualities of the heart. When it opens we know who we are. We rarely dare to be wholly in the heart, for this is something overwhelming. From a young age we learn that it is dangerous to let ourselves be guided by emotions. Thus, the strength of feelings is exchanged for all kinds of reactions.

When we are in the heart we feel a something, something unique and so profoundly intimate that, indisputably, it is ourselves.

One discovers that what we are has nothing to do with the other. Love and value take on a divine meaning that goes beyond the understanding of being loved by God, but of being part of God.

However, when the heart closes, the consciousness of the divine share is lost. One ceases to be part to be “apart”.

The loss of identity means the loss of self-love and self-worth. It is something so intolerable that the personality creates a substitute identity based on a sense of external value. The problem is that the more we look like the other, the more we move away from ourselves.

The abandonment of self-love and self-worth is fertile ground for the emergence of pride, jealousy, envy, and vanity.

The mind is perfect even in its apparent imperfection, because such feelings also hold the key that opens the door of the heart.

It is not easy to embrace one’s own shadow. However, as we recognize these feelings and understand why they exist, we rescue who we truly are.

Understand better envy, pride, vanity, and jealousy and the key to walking the path back to the heart:

PRIDE

Pride can be disguised in the best intentions. Conditional help is an example.

Those who seek to satisfy the needs and desires of others in order to feel loved, approved or special may be acting with pride.

It is based on low self-esteem and is related to the belief that “I need to do to deserve love”. The pattern can emerge in childhood, from parents who only praise the child when they do what is expected.

Key to release: Help someone

It seems paradoxical, but the same poison that kills is what cures. Proud people have difficulty helping those outside their social and affective circle. Use the ability to perceive the need or desire of others to help those in need regardless of any condition or interest. How about starting with a stranger? You will see how beautiful and special the reward of acting for the greater good is.

VANITY

Vanity is the need to capture the admiration of others. It has little to do with self-esteem and a lot to do with image. The vain person needs to feel like a winner and, therefore, superior to others.

The feeling is related to the belief “I need to succeed”, whose pattern comes from the need for prominence to receive the attention of parents. It is common for the vain to have a high level of competitiveness and pressure for results.

Key to release: Touch the pain

The vain “mirrors” models of success. Given the great capacity for adaptation, it easily adheres to the routine, environment, and group of people. So fascinated by the image of success (remembering that success can have different meanings from person to person) the vain rejects “failure”. The key to release is in understanding what is rejected. When someone bothers or irritates, one should question the reason. Touch the pain, lovingly embrace, forgive all people involved in this past — including yourself — and release. Remember: the image you project is not you.

ENVY

Envy has nothing to do with lack of success, but rather with the difficulty of recognizing one’s own qualities and merits. Its origin lies in the belief of “not being good enough”, which can be generated by a traumatic event (loss or separation of parents) or educational habits. Parents who compare children with other children to encourage better performance are an example.

In adulthood, such people can express this lack in this constant game of comparison where the other always wins.

Key to release: Be grateful

While pride is a “top-down” relationship, envy is a “bottom-up” relationship. Part of the prism of lack, of emptiness. The envious never feels full or fulfilled. Happiness is always seen as a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, distant and inaccessible. This “emotional hypermetropia” makes the envious not value their own qualities and achievements. As he exercises gratitude and eliminates the desire to compare the past with the present, the other with him, envy is released. Believe it: we all have many reasons to be grateful! Be grateful for being here. To the body that sustains existence. Thank the food, the air you breathe. The divinity that inhabits your being! All this is you! Honor yourself!

JEALOUSY

Jealousy is based on insecurity. Therefore, to understand it, it is necessary to identify the cause of insecurity.

Insecurity results from a set of beliefs. Children who shared everything with their siblings can lose the reference of territory. As adults, they express the need to control everything that concerns their life, which includes their partner.

Overprotective, hypervigilant, or abusive parents can also shake the reference of territory, making it difficult for the child to perceive where their space ends and where the other’s begins.

Key to release: Create space

Trust is a basic assumption of a healthy relationship. The jealous person turns the relationship into a game of War because they cannot trust. As they understand the relationship as a unit in which neither partner needs to lose their individuality, the jealous person abdicates the pattern of insecurity to assume a sharing posture. The best way to stimulate this awareness is to grant oneself and one’s partner a “breathing” space so that each can do the things they want without interference. Whether it’s a course, a trip, or an afternoon of rest — creating space is the best way to build trust in oneself and in the other.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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