When it comes to our relationships, we might often have high expectations. We want our partners to be able to read our minds and know exactly what we need without us having to say a word.
However, this is often not the case. In fact, many times, our partners cannot meet our needs because they are unrealistic. It is crucial to be able to differentiate between these two things in order to maintain a healthy relationship.
This blog post will discuss the difference between unrealistic expectations and not meeting your needs and how you can tell which one is happening in your relationship.
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”
― Donald Miller
Part I: Unrealistic Expectations
Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment
According to psychcentral.com,
“One of the greatest relationship destroyers is that of unrealistic expectations.”
When we have unrealistic expectations, we are setting ourselves up for failure. We expect our partners to do things that they may not be able to do or are not aware of.
For example, you might expect your partner to know exactly what you need without telling them. However, this is often not the case. Our partners cannot read our minds, so it is vital to communicate with them what we need. Otherwise, we might only end up disappointed and frustrated.
People often have unrealistic expectations of themselves and others.
In relationships, this can often manifest as one person expecting their partner always to know what they need and want without them having to say anything. This is not only unrealistic, but it is also unfair to put that pressure on your partner.
It is essential to communicate with your partner and let them know what you need from them. If you find yourself constantly getting upset with your partner because they cannot read your mind, it might be time to discuss your expectations with a professional.
Signs of High Expectations
- Constantly being upset with your partner because they cannot read your mind.
- Expecting your partner always to know what you need and want without you having to say anything.
- Never satisfied with what your partner does for you.
- Always looking for ways that your partner can improve
- Trying to change your partner instead of accepting them for who they are
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
― Bruce Lee
Part II: Not Meeting Your Needs
Everyone has different needs and wants in a relationship.
As stated by a relationship therapist, Brian Jory, Ph.D., and reported by mindbodygreen.
“My clinical practice is full of individuals complaining their partner doesn’t meet their emotional needs, who are unable to identify or verbalize what their emotional needs are”
We all have different needs and wants in a relationship. What might be a need for one person might not be a need for another. This is why it is so important to communicate with your partner about your needs.
If you constantly get upset because your partner is not meeting your needs, it might be time to discuss what you need from them. It is important to remember that everyone has different needs, so what you might need from your partner might not be what they can give.
For example, you might need a lot of physical touch and affection from your partner, but they might not be able to give that to you because they are not a very physically affectionate person. In this case, it is crucial to find a compromise that works for you.
Relying on someone else to meet 100% of your needs is risky.
No one is perfect, and that includes our partners. It is important to remember that our partners are not responsible for meeting all of our needs. We need to take responsibility for our own needs and ensure that we are taking care of ourselves.
This is not to say that you should never rely on your partner for support, but instead that you should not expect them always to be able to meet your needs 100% of the time.
Signs You Are Not Getting Your Needs Met
- The feeling of your partner is never there for you
- You feel like you are always the one giving in the relationship
- Disappointment
- The feeling of being taken for granted by your partner
- You feel like you are always the one giving in the relationship and never receiving anything in return
- Unhappiness
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”
― Alexander Pope
Part III: Some Potential Solutions
Option 1: Prevent disappointment by setting low expectations
One way to prevent disappointment is by setting low expectations. This doesn’t mean that you should have low expectations for the relationship as a whole, but rather that you should not expect your partner always to be able to meet all of your needs 100% of the time.
In addition, @Shaun Galanos, advises us to accept that some of our needs might go unmet beforehand. As a result, we can set our expectations accordingly and not be disappointed when our needs are not met. I 100% agree with him.
Option 2: Implement the matcher reciprocity & the Win-win strategy
Another way to prevent disappointment is by implementing the matcher reciprocity & the Win-win strategy. On the other hand, The Win-win strategy is when both partners try to find a solution that meets the needs of both people.
The Matcher Reciprocity
The matcher reciprocity is when you only give as much as you are willing to receive. For example, if you only want your partner to listen to you for five minutes, then you should only be willing to listen to them for five minutes. This way, both of you are getting your needs met, and there is no room for disappointment.
The Win-win Strategy
For instance, if one person needs more physical affection than the other person can provide, they might try to find a compromise such as cuddling for more extended periods of time or finding different ways to show affection, such as cooking for their partner or buying them a gift.
Option 3: Seek professional help
If you find that you are not able to meet your needs on your own or with the help of your partner, it might be time to seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand what your needs are and how to communicate them to your partner.
They can also help you and your partner find ways to meet each other’s needs in a way that works for both of you. If you are finding it challenging to communicate with your partner about your needs, seeking professional help is a great option.
Option 4: Leave the relationship & move on
If you have tried to communicate your needs to your partner and they are unable or unwilling to meet them, it might be time to leave the relationship. It is important to remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where your needs are being met.
No one deserves to be in a relationship where they are constantly feeling unfulfilled and disappointed. If you have tried communicating your needs and implementing some of the solutions above, but nothing has changed, it might be time to move on.
“If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed.”
― Sylvia Plath
The Bottom Line
It is important to differentiate between unrealistic expectations and unmet needs in a relationship. Unmet needs can often be resolved by communicating with your partner and finding a compromise that works for both of you.
On the other hand, it is essential to remember that we cannot control how our partner feels or what they do. We can only control our own expectations and our own actions. If you find yourself constantly disappointed in your partner, it might be time to take a step back and assess your expectations.
To summarize, if there is one key takeaway you can take from this article, it is that your happiness and well-being should be your primary responsibility and priority in a relationship, not your partner’s. If you are constantly putting your needs last, it might be time to re-evaluate your self-love.
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This post was previously published MEDIUM.COM.
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