Knowing we are in safe hands– physically, mentally, emotionally– is the foundation of trust. Love will wither in an atmosphere of fear and distrust.
Yellow caution flags will pop up and your trust in her will begin to erode if she says or does things that hurt you. Here are some actions that should serve as a warning to you. They are the weapons of the kind of women who could be termed “ball busters”.
She shames your physical appearance.
She belittles your intelligence, skills, and accomplishments.
She knows your vulnerable spots, yet purposely keeps harping on them.
She is sexually turned off to you.
She breaks confidentiality by sharing your secrets with others.
She displays little interest in things that are important to you.
She rejects who you are and always tries to change you and correct you.
She acts seductively around other men.
She attempts to separate you from your friends.
She blames you even when she is at fault.
She is in competition with you.
She tries to make you jealous.
She refuses to forgive you and keeps reminding you when you have screwed up.
She spends your money lavishly beyond your means.
She acts bossy and tries ordering you around.
She dresses in an extremely sexually provocative way.
She casts herself as an innocent victim, and you as her victimizer.
She abuses alcohol and/or drugs.
She tries to manipulate and take advantage of you for her own selfish gain.
She ignores you and takes no action when you are in distress.
She is quick to anger and rage.
She refuses to commit to you.
She lies to you and keeps secrets from you.
These are all hurtful actions that would make you feel unsafe around this woman. Even one of these behaviors should put you on high alert and make you want to close your heart to protect yourself. If you are in doubt, get another opinion. Talk to your good buddies. Ask them what they honestly think about her. Trust what they say.
No matter how beautiful she is, how great the sex is, or how many other sterling qualities she may have, a woman who is selfish and does uncaring things like these is nothing but trouble. Stay away! Protect your balls! Don’t think she will change or that you can change her. She has
revealed herself to you. Listen carefully to the message her behavior sends to you. I know this from personal experience.
A Safe Woman
Understanding what are the qualities that make a woman a safe relationship partner is easy. A woman who inspires trust displays the polar opposite of the qualities of a ball buster. Once you find a woman like this, know you have found a “keeper”. However, finding a safe woman is not enough. You need to be a “keeper” too. You need to be a safe man.
A Safe Man
You’ve seen the qualities of an unsafe woman and you understand the qualities of a safe woman. Are you able to be a safe man around your partner?
You appreciate her physical appearance, even though she may not have movie-star looks.
You congratulate her on her accomplishments and think she is smart.
You know her vulnerable spots, yet you don’t harp on them.
You are sexually turned on to her.
You honor her desire for confidentiality by not sharing her secrets with others.
You are interested in things that are important to her.
You accept her for who she is without trying to change her.
You do not have interest in forming intimate relationships with other women.
You like to include her with your good friends.
You take responsibility when you are at fault and don’t blame her.
You are not in competition with her and enjoy when she triumphs.
You do not try to make her jealous.
You forgive her and are willing to move on when she has screwed up.
You take care with her money.
You do not have to be bossy and control her.
You are not “seductive” toward other women.
You do not play the “victim/victimizer” game.
You do not abuse alcohol and or drugs.
You are generous and do not try to manipulate her for your own gain.
You freely offer your concern and help when she is in distress.
You value peace and try to avoid angry confrontations.
You are willing and eager to commit to her.
You are honest and transparent with her.
Her best friends tell her they like you and think she’s got herself a “keeper”.
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This post is republished on Agents of Change on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStockphoto
