Unsticking From the Endless Loop

Forever trying to move myself forward, I couldn’t understand why I felt “stuck.” Every day, beyond work, I checked off all the daily tasks — journaling, 10,000 steps & stretching, endless email responses, meal prep & the dishes, the Wordle, and reading the news. I did the weekly tasks, too — the laundry & cleaning, bill paying, grocery shopping, changing the linens, and sharing something on LinkedIn (to be fair, though I never got the hang of doing this regularly).

For fun, I saw friends and family whenever possible, explored museums and places of interest, took hikes, wrote, and did craft projects. At some point, between unloading the dishwasher and reading yet another business or history book, I realized that I was in an endless loop. Tomorrow would’ve been more of the same. Why did all words, puzzles, chores, and even fun activities feel repetitive? It was an obvious question with an even more obvious answer: because they were repetitive.

I also realized that my kids were older and didn’t need me as they had when they were little. All those years cheering on the side of a soccer field, clapping in a school auditorium, throwing birthday parties, and helping with school assignments were behind me. I no longer had the excuse of not having time to figure out what I wanted to do.

All I could think about was: How can one pivot one’s life to move in a new direction? Besides, what direction did I want to move towards? And how in the heck would I still get the necessary stuff done while unsticking myself?

WHERE TO START?

When I told people how I felt stuck, a few books were recommended.

The Artist’s Way [and its compassion workbook] by Julia Cameron had creative exercises to try. → It was easy to try new things using this as a guide. Though I liked the variety, I admittedly didn’t finish them.
If the Buddha Got Stuck: A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path by Charlotte Kasl offered exercises to — Notice Where You Are Stuck, Show Up, Pay Attention, Live in Reality, Connect With Others, Move from Thought to Action, and Let Go. → It gave me perspective about other mindsets.
Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes offered an example of a challenge: For one year, the author decided to say YES to everything that scared her. → The concept behind this appealed to me, and I’ve regularly found myself wondering what else I could say YES to.

WHO ARE MY PEOPLE?

Even though I had good friends and family around me, I realized I needed to broaden the people in my life.

On a community listserv, I reached out to see if anyone knew of a book club. Amazingly, a few women responded that they’d be interested in creating one. So, every month for the past couple of years, we’ve been getting together to discuss a wide-ranging list of books (most of these I wouldn’t have picked up on my own).
Or maybe I needed new professional connections beyond my industry? I joined a professional networking organization and found many new people who have inspired me with transitions they’ve made, organizations they’ve created/directed, and projects they’ve given their time to.
As I started putting myself out into the ether, I’ve also found time to connect in new ways with past colleagues, people in my community, and even folks in writing classes I’ve joined. I’ve learned that I can deepen relationships and expand my network through friends of friends. The trick has been to be okay with trying without worrying about whether every one of the connections would become a friend or even part of my network.

WHERE’S HOME?

Given that I’ve lived in the same place for a long time, I started to realize that my home has become part of a pattern that no longer feels like it fits who I’m becoming.

Last year, I gave many of my apartment walls a fresh coat of paint. While it looked cleaner, it didn’t transform the place, but it showed me that a few other things could be similarly uplifted. So, I bought a new rug, desk, and chairs for the living room, which helped spruce things up, but I didn’t feel materially different (although the chairs did give me new space to seat visitors). It showed me that what I was feeling necessitated activities outside my home (and possibly a future move).
Over the years, we’ve stayed in Airbnbs around the country and in other countries. Each place we’ve stayed has offered us thoughts about little tweaks we could make to larger perspectives about life. At a home in Iceland, we were introduced to radiant flooring made possible by geothermal energy. In places outside of cities, we’ve found a sense of quiet that has allowed us to think (it’s crazy how much noise pollution interrupts daily activities). Of late, we’re considering slightly longer stays in new places to get a deeper vibe.
What is home anyway? If home is where the heart is, I realized I was often happiest outside in nature. During COVID, my husband and I started taking daily walks throughout our neighborhood and city. After the pandemic ended, we continued these walks and made it a point to hike/walk around new destinations we’ve found on apps like AllTrails. Even in inclement weather, I’m keen to be outside (properly attired), feeling the sun, wind, and rain. In the warmer months, I’ve done rooftop gardening, where my fingers are in the soil, and watching plants grow has been amazing. Beyond this (for the rest of the year), it’s grounding and expansive to see the sky, walk under trees, watch bodies of water move, and reconnect with the natural world. When I come back inside after being outside, my heart feels like it has expanded.

WHAT ARE OTHER THINGS TO TRY?

There are a host of other things that I’ve thought about trying and still others that I’m in the midst of exploring. Here are a few others:

Taking an art/music/drama/cooking/dancing/yoga/exercise class
Getting a new degree/certification
Volunteering at a new charity and/or trying to get on the board of a charity
Learning or practicing a new skill (I’m trying to up my cooking game, but a family member suggested she could teach me mahjong)
Traveling to new destinations (we just visited Portugal, but there are a ton of places locally and internationally that I’d like to explore)
Taking up a new sport or hobby (mudlarking is my latest interest)
Create a side gig and become an entrepreneur

What would you add to the list? How did you unstick yourself to move forward?

Note: June is working on two memoir books simultaneously and should be working on those, but a variety of folks have asked her for ideas to help them move forward. So, this is for them…

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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Photo credit: Vitaly Mazur on Unsplash
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