Letting go of how we believe things should be fixed is often the only way to avoid smashing everything we’ve built.
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I’ve always had an knack for untangling those maddening knots that appear in the thin chain of a necklace. Somehow I intuitively figured out that if I insert the end of a toothpick or needle or two into center of the biggest knot and gently draw the crumpled pieces apart without trying too hard, the knots simply fall until I am left with a straight line I can then reconnect into a beautiful circle.
Last week I was hanging a capiz shell wind chime that had been packed away for a while. I saw how tangled the delicate wires had become and was concerned that if I tried to undo the nest they had piled themselves into I would ruin the whole piece. I took a look through the mass of crossed lines, found a knot that looked semi-doable, and began to peel the threads away from each other.
I daydreamed while doing so, drawn into the lovely sounds the shells made every time they touched and by the way the colors hit the light through the window. Before I knew it, the snags in the wires were coming undone, and the lines were falling as they were meant to once again.
When I snapped back to my task at hand for a moment and focused more intently on what I was trying to do, the work actually became more difficult again and I came close to snapping a few wires. I told myself to just enjoy the peace of the undoing of it all. Soon enough the structure meant to be hanging in my living room was just as it should be.
I certainly cannot say that anyone has ever accused me of NOT overthinking things enough. I can jump from thought to thought quickly, and while that generates some exciting ideas and active planning, it can also lead me to paths of thought where I grow stuck in a less than ideal place, physically or emotionally, for far longer than I needed to be there.
Looking at the divorce process, the most couples make the most progress each spouse can let go of the bindings they have lived with for so long, close their eyes, and picture themselves following the fluid line back to their individual identities and their own happiness. Some position a needle into the chain they want fixed immediately and try to tug it into what they have decided is the right the direction. All that does it cause greater loss and frustration along the way.
I positioned the wind chime in the center window of my living room to remind me to relax and let go in the moments it feels most counter-intuitive to so. It makes beautiful music as my thoughts and plans go along their way.
A version of this article appeared on LiveThroughTheHeart and has been republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto