Some problems are worth fighting through, especially in a marriage.
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Marriage is a strange beast. You agree to cohabitate and spend the rest of your life with one person. You have consciously picked someone out of the population and declared, “This is my person,” including all of their flaws, habits, quirks, and idiosyncrasies.
The wedding is the easy part. The actual relationship moving forward from that point is what becomes difficult. As the relationship hits its peaks and valleys, there will be moments where you will ask yourself if you can get through the hard stuff. Life has a way of throwing up roadblocks, hurdles, and giant yawning chasms for a couple to jump while they are making plans with each other. To speak plainly: it gets tough.
Any number of challenges can lead to emotional distance: demanding jobs, children, opposing schedules, stress, and tension can all make us forget we have a spouse we love and care about.
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It is how we deal with these issues that either make or break our relationships. Has someone been unfaithful? Is there an issue with finances? These are the types of issues where finding a marriage counselor or a marriage therapist can be critical to pulling the relationship back on course.
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Most issues are worth trying to fix:
- Financial irresponsibility: Money can be a huge predictor of divorce. Maybe one of you is frugal while the other likes to spend. Maybe the problem runs deeper. There may be a gambling issue or a spending habit so bad that receipts and credit card statements need to be shredded. Jump on a therapist’s coach and work this out.
- A single act of infidelity: This is a vague description because you need to use your discretion. This can either mean a one and done act or a brief affair with one person; you decide what this means to you. We are not perfect creatures. We can find ourselves in tempting situations where intelligence dulling substances may be present, or our bodies just take over. If the guilty party truly is guilty, look into counselling to get to the root of why the action took place.
- Distance: Emotional distance can be difficult to come back from, but not impossible. Any number of challenges can lead to emotional distance: demanding jobs, children, opposing schedules, stress, and tension can all make us forget we have a spouse we love and care about. This one will take a conscious effort and scheduling of dates and sex, but you have to bring the two bodies back together, alone.
- Fighting: Tensions rise, bills are due, and sleep is a hard to come by. Naturally we will wind up at each other’s throats. Patience is tested and we snap, always at those closest to us. It’s the smallest spark that sets off the explosion too; perhaps it’s asking your spouse to not leave their dirty dishes in the sink for the umpteenth time and BOOM it’s on! This too shall pass. Finding a couple’s therapist to act as the mediator is best in this situation to avoid the blame game and cheap shots.
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All of these scenarios seem dire in the moment and divorce feels like the simplest solution. With a stroke of a lawyer’s pen, you can be done with each other and the marital problems. But divorce should be the last resort. Almost any marital problem can be worked out in either an online marriage counseling setting or with an objective third party present. Give your relationship a chance to bounce back. The bad times are such a small part of being married.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
Wow, is everything m’d these days?
“Some problems are worth fighting through, especially in a marriage” We live in a throw away society that if we don’t like something, simply get rid of it. People aren’t as committed to marriage as they used to be. So why should people spend the money on therapy when $300 gives you a quickly divorce. Heck, parents aren’t interested in their kids enough to try to keep their marriage together, why should they bother when it’s just the two of them? Too many people with too many egos that get in the way. Divorce these days is no big thing… Read more »