Walking the Fine Line Between What You Say and What They Understand

Communication is a wonderful thing and it has always fascinated me. The way we can convey our thoughts and feelings through words seems like both an art and a science.

However, in our communication, there is one fine distinction that lies between inference and implication, which often blurs easily, leading to misunderstandings and confusion.

This is something I have been confronted with on more than one occasion. You see, growing up, I prided myself on what I saw as my ability to articulate my thoughts clearly. I also used to believe that if we all just chose our words carefully, we could avoid misunderstandings altogether. It, however, didn’t take long for me to realize that communication is not always as straightforward as that.

“I also used to believe that if we all just chose our words carefully, we could avoid misunderstandings altogether.”

As I have said, there have been quite a few instances where I have been confronted with this but the one I most vividly recall is a conversation I once had with a dear friend that left me bewildered. I had made what I believed to be a harmless remark, only to be met with a response that caught me off guard because it showed he completely misconstrued my words, and not in a good way.

“I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand”

I can say it was at that moment that I realized the full implications of these words. It was a humbling realization, to say the least, and one that forced me to confront my own assumptions and biases, for I had spoken with the best of intentions, and still my words had been misconstrued possibly with feelings of hurt and confusion and I could not, for the life of me, see how that was possible in that situation.

To imply: the act of suggesting or hinting at something without explicitly stating it. It involves communicating a message indirectly, often through subtle cues, implications, or insinuations.
To infer: the process of deducing or drawing conclusions It means a listener has interpreted the speaker’s words or actions and has made connections to derive meaning that is not explicitly stated based on his/her understanding.

What I know is, you can always do your best to communicate effectively by being more attuned and listening not just to the words being spoken, but to the underlying emotions and intentions behind them to try and bridge the gap between inference and implication. In the end, however, you cannot really control how your words are received.

Communication is essentially a two-way street and everyone brings their own experiences, perspectives, and biases to the conversation, and we must not only acknowledge but respect that diversity.

Dealing with intentional confusion

“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”

You will come across some people who intentionally mix up what they infer with what you imply just to exploit ambiguity, sow discord, manipulate perceptions, or evade accountability. That is if you haven’t already.

Generally, they do it to deceive or manipulate others. Recognizing when someone is deliberately confusing these two concepts will help you greatly in safeguarding against their nefarious attempts at manipulation.

Dealing with them, you will need to keep your wits about you. You need to stay vigilant and be aware of red flags like inconsistencies in their communication and evasiveness.

If you are in doubt, seek clarification by asking them probing questions to better understand their motivations, and do not shy away from challenging the discrepancies in their narrative because that is how they wreak havoc.

If you find you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, you can also consider limiting or even ending your interactions where possible owing to their consistent and deliberate confusion despite all your efforts to address it.

“Recognizing when someone is deliberately confusing what you imply with what they infer will help you greatly help in safeguarding against their attempts at manipulation.”

Having said all that, we must then recognize that misunderstandings will inevitably arise, but as it is with all challenges it is how we handle them that truly matters. I, for one, am now constantly reminded of the wisdom in those simple words: “I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.”

Of course, we can always try to speak with intention, always try to listen with an open heart, and all that but ultimately, we cannot control how our words are interpreted on the other end.

However, what we can do is control our own actions and responses and in that way, we can continue to focus our efforts on promoting meaningful communication and better understanding.

“Do not shy away from challenging the discrepancies in their narrative because that is how they wreak havoc.”

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

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The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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