We Are Part of the Problem

My brother told me a quote two weeks ago. He said it is only in Africa where people blame everyone else for their problems except themselves. I say that about my fellow citizens, but those are the only people I know, so I think they are the only ones like that. But this is a human problem, pointing fingers mostly on the outside.

Focusing always on what is outside that harms us. It makes us forget that we are part of the problem too. Who else do we expect to hurt us the most, if not the closest to us? We think they hurt us the most because we care about them the most. So the slightest indignation from them feels like the whole world falling. We do not care about people from far away, so they cannot affect us.

And don’t you think we hurt people too?

We are not the only people who have been betrayed and ignored. Everyone wouldn’t be blaming everyone else for those behaviors if they weren’t doing it to others too.

We’re just afraid or lazy to look inward and agree that we are toxic too, whatever that word means these days. Our over-the-top concern, silence, indifference, insistence on non-helping positivity, and whatever else we can put up in that list hurts people too.

We are part of the problem. Take a second, take a day. Think about something that we blame someone else. In my case, I’d say they didn’t listen to me, but did I explain myself well? I understand that sometimes you are too tired to work it out, but for every wrong thing you see, there is a percentage of you in it.

We know how to talk so much these days instead of helping or acting. And if we do help or act, we think we know what’s best.

We want the best out of people around us, but we are not willing to give it.

Think about it. How many posts do we see telling us to surround ourselves with all that is good and positive and healthy? We should. I am not contesting that. Some say, if people aren’t the way we want them to be, then we should immediately cut them out of our lives. I’m not telling you to stop you either.

But how many urge us to be the positive one, the healthy one, and put joy into our relationships? How many of them question our actions, thought, and advise us to check ourselves too. You’re too afraid to take responsibility for your problems. Because whatever it is we blame other people for, the faults in our lives, it is us too.

In the end, most encounters in our lives, a big part of it involve our decisions, and it is time we started pointing the finger at ourselves too.

But we can be part of the solution.

Recognize that we are part of the problem too.

I don’t know about you, but I am one to keep things in till they boil and only communicate when I can hold them in no longer. Some things happen to me because I don’t speak up, act, negotiate, leave, or do anything to stand up for myself. I will say the ones who wronged me were at fault, but so am I. Why didn’t I say no or do something to remove myself from that situation?

We are complaining about the climate, about global warming, but what are we doing about it actively? Are we recycling our plastics, eating leftovers, switching lights when we leave each room?

Find out what it is that holds us back.

Knowing our problem is the first step because it is then we will know where to improve. Note that I use the word improve and not do away with it because I know for sure there are faults in us that are there to stay. And I don’t think we should fight them either. We should recognize them when they happen, apologize for them, and do acts that will help alleviate the unpleasant situation we have caused. We are all problematic.

Everything we do is significant.

You may think not, but it is true. The little things we do in our lives matter so much. The smile we give a stranger, the hug we give our loved ones, the tap we shut tight because it was dripping, the sweet wrapper we didn’t throw in the streets and waited till we got home. Those things matter. We matter doing those things. The opposite is also true. The small things we do also hurt others, the birthday we brushed aside, the visit we said we’d take, and didn’t, the harsh comment we made, we know what it is.

Those small acts from you and me trickle down the world and change it.

So yes, we are part of the problem, but we are part of the solution too.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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