We need help. Your help. Yes, you.
Men may be reluctant to help women feel safe because they’re not quite sure how to go about it. They also may not recognize when women are feeling unsafe. Here’s how it feels and how you can help.
Unless men are in a bad neighborhood, they don’t have to give their personal safety or feeling unsafe a second thought, but women do, every day. Yet we still can find ourselves in a bad situation. Many men tell us they can’t imagine how. So, sketchy surroundings aside, here is a scenario that you could find yourself in. It will give you a snapshot into how someone could easily find themselves in quicksand but never saw it coming.
Let’s say you just started your dream job: amazing boss, you fit right into the team and you’re making really good money. A few months later, your wife is pregnant. You’re both so excited, and you appreciate your new position even more because they provide great health insurance that will cover your wife and new baby.
The happy day arrives, but your family’s happiness is short-lived, because your infant is born with a birth defect, requiring a team of doctors and expensive medication. Now you’re even more grateful for your health plan. Although your boss seems to understand, suddenly all you hear are complaints about your job performance. You don’t need the additional stress, so you start looking for another job. But the economy takes a bad turn and layoffs are imminent. Are you next, especially with those bad performance reviews? No one is hiring in a bad economy, your boss is on your back all day, and your colleagues start blaming you for everything that goes wrong. You double down and work more hours; your stress level hits the ceiling. But you can’t quit – your family needs that insurance. Your little one isn’t getting any better and your wife is beside herself with worry and so are you. No one at work is on your side anymore and you might get laid off. You keep asking yourself: How did it get to this? How do you feel?
The awareness of having done nothing wrong but suddenly finding yourself in a really bad situation is how women often feel. Whether it’s at home, at work or on the street, we know that we could find ourselves in a bad situation through no fault of our own. And like the co-workers mentioned above, no one is on our side.
We know, it’s not all men. But here’s the thing: We can’t tell. And let’s face it, gents…neither can you. If you think that you know that your buddy is no danger to women because “he’s a good guy,” I’ll guarantee that you haven’t seen him behind closed doors the way that we have.
And the statistics are bad. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 1 in 5 women in the U.S. will be raped at some point in their lives, and a staggering 1 in 3 in three women globally will experience some form of sexual violence. So, the next time you’re in a group with three women, consider that at least one (or more) of them have been victimized. Now, we know that not all men are part of the problem, but all men can definitely be part of the solution.
Here are 5 easy ways that you can help:
- THE TWO C’S: CONSENT AND COMMUNICATION
Men keep asking us how they can tell what women want and how far to go. It’s easy: It’s the two C’s: Consent and Communication. Consent isn’t just a one-time checkbox; it’s an ongoing process. Every time. It’s like Netflix asking if you’re “still watching” every three episodes. You need to continually check in to make sure everyone is still on board.
2. MASTER THE ART OF ACTIVE LISTENING
Active listening isn’t just for therapists or hostage negotiators. By genuinely hearing what a woman is saying, you validate her experiences and concerns. Active listening is the Swiss Army knife in your toolbox of “How to Make Women Feel Safe 101.”
3. NOT ALL HEROES WEAR CAPES: THE BYSTANDER EFFECT
If you see something, say something—or better yet, do something. Be an active bystander. Active bystanders are people who witness an inappropriate situation unfolding and take steps to intervene and stop the behavior. So, help us out. Studies show that when bystanders intervene, the incidence of harassment decreases significantly. You don’t need to be Captain America, just a decent human being.
4. ELEVATOR ETIQUETTE: MORE THAN JUST PUSHING BUTTONS
If you don’t know us, give us physical space. If you’re too close, we feel threatened because we know that we could easily be attacked. For example, in an elevator. An elevator can feel like a steel cage match. We train women to step out of the elevator if they’re alone with a man. Men, you can help by giving us space, maybe stepping out to let someone off first. It’s like holding the door open, but with vertical movement.
5. STATS DON’T LIE: THE IMPORTANCE OF EDUCATION
According to a study by Stop Street Harassment: 68% of women reported experiencing sexual harassment in a public space like a street, park or store, and 38% experienced harassment at their workplace or school. Education can help lower these numbers. Attend workshops, read articles like this, or, you know, just listen to women. Speak up, help us out!
Creating a safer environment for women isn’t about grand gestures or dramatic showdowns. It’s about small, everyday actions that make a big difference. By using these tips in your daily life, you’re not just helping women feel safer—you’re setting a new standard for what it means to be a man in today’s world.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock