What Happens When You Get Caught Cheating?

“Last week, a woman I had been seeing for about a year blew the whistle on the whole thing,” one man on r/adultery explained.

“She said she was feeling guilty, and she randomly reached out to my wife via social media and told her everything.”

“My life is imploding. I feel alone. My wife told everyone in our life everything I did, and all my friends said they want nothing to do with me.”

HOLY SHIT.

Every adulterer’s worst nightmare.

Full-scorched earth.

Redditors were justifiably suspicious. “Not saying I don’t believe you, but there’s gotta be something more here.”

He said he didn’t do anything vindictive. He explained, “Yeah, I have no idea why. I thought everything was fine. Unless her husband found out and made her tell my wife, too. I am not sure. She cut off everything from me.”

He’s up the proverbial creek without a paddle.

What are his options?

Redditors offered up opinions:

“If someone blew up my life — that person’s work, extended family, children, etc. will all know. Nothing is safe now, especially since I have nothing to lose anymore. CHECKMATE,” was one reply.

And why not? Fair is fair. Make sure EVERYONE in her life knows she’s a dirty rotten cheater. Fight fire with fire.

“That’s why I always say one can get exposed even with the best OPSEC (operational security or how we cover up our shady shit). We can’t control every single thing,” wrote another Redditor.

That’s why OPSEC is a fool’s quest in adultery. It can never be perfect and prevent the “did not see this coming” scenarios.

“She’s a selfish, shitty person. It was her guilt to carry alone and not ruin his life in the process.”

This is the adultery creed — carry it to the GRAVE. No ratting and no outing. It’s the unspoken rule of fight club.

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“It’s mind-blowing to me that some people would do this. Just move on with yourself. You don’t want to participate anymore? Then don’t.

Exactly. Go straight. Get out of the “lifestyle.” But NEVER EVER tell on ex-affair partners.

“This is why you don’t share your name or legit phone number.”

If you can’t trust your AP (affair partner), you’ve made a poor choice in a lover. All affairs are based on MAD (mutual assured destruction).

Fellow adulterers had their words of wisdom to share:

“Ouch! Well, you just gotta deal with the madness. It’s only temporary and eventually will pass.”
“Get a good lawyer.”
“I’m so sorry. The exact same thing happened to me last week. My partner has told everyone, which is fair. I did a really hurtful thing by having an affair, but now, I have no one to talk to and have never felt more alone. Sitting with you in this, it sucks a lot, and we just have to ride out the wave.”
“No words besides acknowledging all the sadness here. I hope you find strength and resilience in a spot where everyone opposes you.”
“That’s horrible…I’m so sorry. And I’m so disappointed in your ‘friends.’ Hopefully, you have some support somewhere, but definitely get some new friends.”
“Unfortunately, something similar happened to me. She wanted out of her marriage and blew the whole thing up. Told him and my wife and it was shitshow.”
“We all make mistakes, and the forbidden fruit is always tempting. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, own up to your mistakes, and press forward!”
“Seek counseling.”
“If other people judge you, so be it. It isn’t the end.”

Desperate people do desperate things. And OPSEC is only as good as the weakest link.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what he did or how it’s unfolding now. He’s a human being that deserves some compassion. His value as a person is unchanged. Even “lousy cheaters” need understanding.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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