What if Men Had More Options?

How Many Likes Have You Had?

I was talking to one of my guy friends last week. We are both on dating apps and got on the subject of online dating. He asked me how many likes I’ve gotten on Hinge.

“Umm, I don’t know,” I said. “Probably like 2 or 3 a day on average. You?”

He held up his hand and I fixated on the way his middle, ring, and pinky fingers were stretched out.

“Okay, so about the same then,” I construed.

He made the gesture again and noticed my misunderstanding. I should have been noticing the way his thumb and forefinger had been brought together to make an ‘0.’

Zero.

“None? Like, ever?”

“Nope.”

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The Conversation Got Me Thinking

If tomorrow, even a single woman liked his profile that he thought he was compatible with, I think he would pursue her.

Then I thought some more, and I wondered what he would do if he was getting the same amount of likes I get. If he was getting 2 or 3 a day, would the woman in the first scenario still get the time of day?

And more importantly, would he put in the same amount of effort in communicating with her knowing that he has a couple of other options he could pursue?

Photo by Kev Costello on Unsplash

The Other Side of the Coin

I’m wondering about the whole online dating landscape and the way it appears to be tilted in women’s favor. We have more matches, more options — but the other side of this coin is that there are men that may put effort into communicating with me solely because I’m one of their limited options.

That doesn’t feel good.

Over time, the genuineness of a connection will reveal itself. It just sucks to spend days or weeks messaging back and forth with someone, maybe meet for a date, and then they basically disappear — the slow ghost — when someone better comes along.

Takeaway

I’m trying to be a little more aware about the interest I receive via dating apps — mainly because I’m tired of lackluster conversations and wasting my time on people who are possibly a bit jaded from online dating.

I don’t want to be a second option or a placeholder until someone better comes along.

Nobody wants that.

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Do the number of options you have affect how you pursue someone? Have you ever felt settled for? Let me know in the comments!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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