When we have a new love interest, we want to spend all our time together. We miss each other when we are apart, and it seems like all you do is think of them. Being in a new relationship is like that for most people. However, some people take it a bit too far. Loving someone is fine. In fact, it is healthy. However, it is possible to love someone too much. Although obsessive love disorder is not recognized in the DSM-V, most mental health professionals do consider it a true disorder. Not only is it not good for the person who has obsessive love disorder, but it is also disturbing to the one they are obsessed with.
What is it?
Obsessive love disorder is a serious condition in which an individual feels an overwhelming obsessive need to be with another person. They are unable to accept rejection and will just continue to pursue their love interest no matter what they say. Sometimes it just so happens that they are actually able to get into a relationship with the one they are obsessed with and the other person has no idea how obsessed their new love interest is. However, that does not last long.
A Nice New Love… or Not
It may take a while for you to discover your new partner’s obsession. At first, it may be cute that she calls you constantly or sends you 100 texts a day while you are working. You may feel honored that she does not want you to leave and will act like it is going to kill her if you do. Maybe you tell her you are going out with the guys and she follows you and just “happens” to be at the same place you are hanging out. This will get old really fast.
Why Does It Happen?
People who end up with obsessive love disorder are not psychopaths or serial killers. Most often, they have just had to deal with some sort of trauma in their life that caused them to become obsessive. For example, attachment disorders can cause obsessive love disorder. If they were abused, neglected, or abandoned as a child, this can cause an attachment disorder. No matter what, if your partner has become obsessive, you need to seek counseling right away. You can do couples counseling together or your partner can see a therapist on their own. Actually, doing both of these would be the best choice.
Mental Health Conditions
Could it be a different mental illness that is causing the obsession? Yes, there are many types of disorders that can trigger obsessive love disorder. Depression is one mental illness that may be the underlying culprit. In that case, treating depression should get rid of the obsession. Bipolar disorder is another common underlying disorder that can cause obsessive love disorder in some people. This is a serious illness and needs to be treated. Luckily, it can be successfully treated with medication and therapy.
A Painful Past
Your obsessed new love may have had one or more painful relationships in the past, causing them to have an unhealthy way of loving someone. But that does not mean they cannot get help. If you really care about the person and want to work it out, you can suggest they see a mental health professional. Of course, if they refuse and say that they are not obsessed, you should probably go ahead and move on. If they cannot admit they have a problem, there is no way to help them.
Breaking it Off
When you do notice that your new love interest is obsessed with you and you decide you do not want to see them anymore, that is when it can get dangerous. At first, she may just text and call constantly, trying to get you to change your mind. Then it can escalate to them calling your friends, relatives, and even your coworkers. If you get into a new relationship, your obsessive love partner may start harassing them, telling them to stop seeing you.
Threats, emotional abuse, and even physical abuse may be involved if the person is unstable. You should always contact the police if this happens.
Relationship Counseling Can Help
No matter whether you decide to try and work things out or if you have to let them go, it is still a good idea if you talk to a relationship counselor yourself to deal with whatever feelings that this experience has caused you. When you go through any kind of traumatic relationship, it is always good to talk about it to someone who knows how to deal with these things. The counselors and therapists at ReGain.us are licensed and experienced in treating relationship issues such as these. And they are available online, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. No appointment is needed, and you can do it from home.
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