No matter how old you are, you probably have some familiarity with Peter Pan, the boy who lived in Never Land and who would never grow up. To him, and many people across the world, childhood is something you must never transition from, and adult responsibilities are to be avoided.
While we all age physically, many are like Peter Pan, and this has become known as Peter Pan syndrome.
Peter Pan Syndrome
This is not a diagnosis you’re going to find in the DSM. It’s a broad term, also known as failure to launch. It’s when adults avoid taking on adult responsibilities, such as a career, supporting one’s family, or wanting to grow as a person.
You probably have a stereotype in your head. The 30-year-old man who lives in his mother’s basement, unemployed and spending his days on the Internet. The adult woman who tries to get other people to pay for everything she has. These are just a couple of examples. It does tend to be seen in men more, but both sexes can have it.
Besides careers, Peter Pan syndrome may come in the form of refusing to have any committed relationships. Having casual relationships doesn’t necessarily mean you have Peter Pan syndrome, but if one acts like they want something serious, then always backs out due to anxiety, Peter Pan syndrome could be the culprit.
What It’s Not
Peter Pan syndrome is not to be confused with adults who try to keep some of the more positive traits possessed by children, such as curiosity or enjoying their hobbies despite what others think. For example, a guy who enjoys playing video games after a day of work doesn’t have Peter Pan syndrome in any way. However, someone who doesn’t want to work because he wants to play video games all day does.
Peter Pan syndrome is also not, by default, an adult who lives with their parents. Someone can be married and have it. If someone can’t work due to a disability, that’s not Peter Pan syndrome. Peter Pan syndrome is when an able-bodied person has the chance to work and a chance to take up adult responsibilities but does not.
Wendy Dilemma
In Peter Pan syndrome, there is also something known as the Wendy dilemma. In this context, Wendy, a character from Peter Pan, is a spouse or parent who enables the person with Peter Pan syndrome. The wife who lets her husband be lazy, or the mother who refuses to kick their middle-aged son out of the house.
Causes for Peter Pan Syndrome
When someone refuses the idea of growing up, what are some of the reasons why? There is no exact cause, but there are some culprits. Let’s look at some of them.
Parenting
How one parents can increase the chances of their child having Peter Pan syndrome. For instance, a child who was spoiled all their life may have a hard time taking on adult responsibilities. Meanwhile, a helicopter parent who protects their child from all the perceived dangers in the world can create an adult with Peter Pan syndrome.
Anxiety Over Adulthood
Some people with Peter Pan syndrome may worry about being an adult. It can be a tough responsibility, from bills to dealing with a job. If one has the chance to refuse to enter the adult world, they may take it instead of facing their fears.
This anxiety can also come in the form of fearing commitment. Someone with Peter Pan syndrome may not want to be committed to a relationship, or even a job.
Depression
Severe depression can lead to Peter Pan syndrome as well, with someone refusing to leave the house and doing low-effort activities that can deliver some level of happiness.
Mental Health Issues
As we said before, Peter Pan syndrome is not an official diagnosis. However, it can be a byproduct of other mental health issues. We mentioned anxiety before. It may be due to a narcissistic personality as well. Some may believe they are too good for the adult world.
Trauma
Certain childhood traumas can lead to Peter Pan syndrome, but so can trauma found in adulthood. For example, someone who had a nasty divorce may move back in with their parents and not want to grow back up again.
Treatment for Peter Pan Syndrome
Peter Pan syndrome isn’t something you can cure with a pill. It often involves the entire family getting involved, usually in the form of family or couples therapy.
Sometimes, treating it can be done by forcing the person to take on responsibilities. For instance, parents who kick their adult child out of their home. Of course, the best way is for the person to be treated in a way that doesn’t strain the relationship.
Therapy is usually the solution. A therapist can help the adult child understand why they need to take on responsibilities and why their relationship with their parents or partner is toxic. Individual therapy works as well, with the therapist trying to understand why the person refuses to grow up, then finding solutions that fit them.
Teaching the person time management skills, which can help them have a job and still enjoy their hobbies, is another good solution.
Finally, it’s important to have goals, and a therapist may treat Peter Pan syndrome by creating some small goals they can try, then the therapist will help the person work their way up.
Conclusion
It’s great to have the heart of a child, but one still needs to take on the responsibilities of adulthood. If you or someone you know has problems with launching, it’s important to seek help as soon as possible.
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