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This week I listened to a podcast featuring a guy named Richie Norton as the guest. In his mid-20’s he was invited by Stephen M. R. Covey (son of Stephen R. Covey… the 7 Habits guy) to help train business professionals to be better leaders.
When he was offered the opportunity he freaked out. He felt too young and inexperienced for the gig. “You want me to go train these grey-hairs? What are they going to think?”
Mr. Covey responded with some epic advice:
“A lot of people say they have 20 years of experience when in reality they only have 1 year of experience 20 times.”
This perfectly summarizes why I hate it when people say they (or someone they know) have a great marriage because they’ve been together for XX years.
Just because you’ve been married for a few decades doesn’t mean you’ve been successful at marriage. Sometimes it just means you’re really good at enduring being miserable and walking on eggshells, or you’ve just stopped caring, or you’re too scared to speak up and say what you’ve got isn’t what you want… cause the relationship you’ve got – as bad as it is – might be as good as it gets.
Have you noticed the problems you have in your marriage are almost always different versions of the same thing?
The same argument about how you spend or save your money, or the same argument about who initiates sex, or the same argument about which in-laws you visit over the holidays…
It sucks to feel stuck in a cycle like this! I hate it. Yet I see it ALL THE TIME.
This is what I call mediocre love… reliving the same arguments, struggles, disappointments, frustrations, and challenges year over and over and over for decades.
If you want an incredible marriage you’ve gotta get unstuck!
You need to grow, to learn, to improve, to advance, to invest in the things that matter. You need to confront your shortcomings, to speak up, to assess what works, what doesn’t and what needs to change.
And you can’t do this just once. You have to be doing it consistently!
There is ALWAYS room to grow.
Think of your life experience. Do you have X years experience, or 1 year of experience X times?
Are you stuck in one area of your life?
If you are stuck, what do you need to learn to get unstuck? What do you need to get better at? What conversation do you need to have that you’ve been avoiding? What needs to change in you so that you can have a different outcome?
If you need help figuring out how to break out of the cycle you’re stuck in, let’s talk.
This post was previously published on Growthmarriage.com.
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