What Makes a Man Suddenly Commit? [Video]

Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

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what makes a man suddenly decide to
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commit i want to talk about that in this
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video i also want to give you four
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practical pieces of psychology that you
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can use to become the kind of person
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that someone wants to commit to and i
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also want to finish this video by doing
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something exciting my brother stephen
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and i put together a brand new gift for
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you that is going to show you what to do
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practically if you find yourself right
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now in a situation where you want more
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from someone okay let’s jump in
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[Music]
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i think there are two types of people
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loosely
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who commit
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there is the person that commits out of
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sheer
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passion and
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dopamine and oxytocin who just
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in this feeling of oh my god you’re my
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person lightning struck i must have you
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i must commit to you you and i are gonna
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build a life together decides to commit
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to that person and then there’s the
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person who i think of as
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soberly
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committing
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based on a series of decisions and
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assessments about the way their life has
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been going and the way they would like
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it to go now in the case of the first
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person i
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think we have a natural skepticism about
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that kind of person because we’re aware
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in ourselves that passion can be very
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fickle and that just as quickly as they
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decided they must have someone and be
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with them forever
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they can decide actually this isn’t what
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i want doesn’t mean that that couple
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won’t stay together it it’s just that we
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know that that couple still has
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all their work ahead of them in staying
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together
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it’s one of the reasons i think that
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when you have an older couple at a much
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younger couple’s wedding
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there is a sort of
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uh that not as it doesn’t even have to
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be a skepticism just a knowing that
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there’s a long road ahead in the case of
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the sober person i use that word
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somewhat intentionally
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because it conjures for me the image
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that
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is true for so many people which is
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that person who’s been going through
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their life living on a kind of dopamine
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cycle
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of dating and
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casual sex or intimacy
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a person who’s been kind of
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cycling through people looking for that
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passion looking for that passion
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and then the moment they get bored of
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that moving on again and just
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constantly cycling through these
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emotions with a very kind of
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addict-style behavior i think we have a
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culture now that produces more and more
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people who are addicted to the dopamine
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cycle we know this in social media we
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know social media has created a world
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where our attention spans have gotten
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worse but i think that the same is true
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for so many in their love lives that the
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world now is set up for us to get
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addicted to that
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dopamine cycle for us to get lots of
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hits from lots of people on dating apps
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to have this seeming buffet of choice
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and
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to find ourselves more easily in casual
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relationships not that there’s anything
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inherently wrong with them but when we
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get addicted to that cycle achieving
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depth in a relationship can be harder
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because a relationship requires a
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different amount of investment a
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different amount of effort a different
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amount of work than simply meeting
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someone and hooking up or going on an
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exciting
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date if we live in a world that is
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producing more of the kind of person
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that finds it difficult to commit
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because they are addicted to those
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cycles
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how when we encounter that
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do we approach it that brings me on to
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the four things that we can do
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to become the person that someone
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commits to and really what this is about
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is representing
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that evolved path for somebody else now
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i want to make something really clear
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this is not a video about curing
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someone’s commitment phobia this is not
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a video about saying that it’s our fault
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or that we need to do something actually
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quite the opposite it’s not your fault
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if you’ve been going through your love
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life finding that there almost feels
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like there’s an epidemic of people who
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don’t want to commit or who are
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struggling to commit that is not your
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fault i think in large part that is due
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to the culture right now but what i also
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believe is that there are a lot of
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people
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that have come to the end of that cycle
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or who find themselves unrewarded by
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that cycle who are actually looking for
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something different and if we can
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represent that
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we suddenly become the person that they
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want to commit to
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[Music]
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number one having an exciting vision for
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what a relationship means
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if in our communication with someone we
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can show that we have a big and exciting
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vision for a relationship what it means
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in terms of
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trust what it means in terms of
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adventures what it means in terms of uh
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intimacy sex what it means in terms of
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everything this is what a relationship
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is to me this is what building something
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special is to me if that is a compelling
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vision then a relationship does not mean
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all of a sudden my life gets really dull
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and boring and monotonous it actually
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means i’m building something
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extraordinary long term
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we
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have to buy into an exciting vision for
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a relationship first so that when
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someone is around us
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they start to see why a relationship
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with us would be exciting and that
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doesn’t even mean by the way linking it
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directly to them there are ways to do it
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where you don’t link it to them but you
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just have this vision for the
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relationship you will one day be in that
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makes them want to be a part of that
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number two
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we have to show vulnerability
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vulnerability is actually expressing
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that we like someone vulnerability is
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expressing that we would actually like
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more with them there are of course right
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ways to do it if you want to know the
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right ways to do it stay till the end of
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the video but vulnerability in
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expressing
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our desires the path we want to go down
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that is something not nearly enough
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people do and it will make you stand out
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number three communicating
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standards
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this is something that when someone is
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being vulnerable and communicating that
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they like someone they often forget to
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do they communicate they like someone
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but then they show that they’ll be there
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no matter what no matter how they’re
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treated if we learn how to communicate
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our standards to somebody then we not
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only have the vulnerability and the
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warmth that draws someone in
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we also have the boundaries that show
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them that they have to live up to a
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certain
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uh uh
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standard that they have to actually
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provide a certain amount for us to keep
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giving them that energy and the fourth
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thing is we need to bring someone peace
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most people have gone through their
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lives as a single person not having
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peace they’ve been engaged in drama
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they’ve found that when they didn’t give
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someone what they wanted that was met
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with anger resentment they were made to
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feel guilty
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all of this drama is a big part of being
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single and i honestly believe for a lot
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of guys they get to a point in their
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lives where
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they find themselves looking for peace
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they find themselves looking for a place
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that they can go where they can actually
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lower their own nervous system
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and they can feel different than this
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this
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frantic kind of
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volatile energy they’ve been
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experiencing for most of their life if
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we can represent that peace
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then we will stand out
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we will be someone that that another
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person thinks when i’m around you
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i just feel better
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i feel more at peace and i want more of
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that in my life and that may not be
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something someone thinks at 21
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but at a certain point in their life
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when they realize that that’s one of the
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most valuable things maybe the most
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valuable thing they could ever have
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it starts to become really really
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attractive now how do we how do we bring
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peace to somebody is how we deal with
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ourselves in arguments do we show what
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we think without
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uh doing all of the normal things people
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do in an argument that just amplify the
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tension when we say what we want if we
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don’t get it do we get angry do we get
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massively resentful does it come out in
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ways that allowed them to tell stories
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about how crazy you were or how over the
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top you were or you know how you sprung
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it on them in a really volatile way
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because that’s exactly what makes it
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easier for someone to
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leave and have a narrative of why they
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had to leave whereas if we just bring
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peace to somebody even in the difficult
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conversations even when we’re asking for
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more if we bring a peaceful energy
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then when someone walks away it plays on
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their mind because they go well i’m not
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walking away because they were dramatic
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i’m not walking away because they were
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super angry and i couldn’t deal with it
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i’m not walking away because this was a
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really difficult person who’s going to
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bring a lot of drama to my life i’m
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walking away because of me
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and that makes someone question it makes
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them have to face themselves
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[Music]
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these four things are really really
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powerful when done together but you may
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be asking yourself practically speaking
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how do i actually use them all if i have
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someone in my life right now that i want
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more with
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how do i apply what you’ve just said
10:00
that psychology my brother stephen and i
10:03
i told you i was going to give you
10:04
something here my brother stephen and i
10:06
created a free guide that is brand new
10:10
this has never been released before
10:11
until this video that is all about how
10:14
to define the relationship with somebody
10:18
if you’re feeling right now like you’re
10:19
in limbo limbo meaning i don’t know
10:22
where i stand i don’t know where it’s
10:24
going i don’t know how to move it
10:25
forward it’s not going at the pace that
10:27
i want this free guide is 20 pages it’s
10:31
a really easy read but it is going to be
10:33
one of the most practical things you
10:35
could have for this part of your life if
10:38
you find yourself in this stage
10:40
go to leave
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10:44
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10:46
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haven’t released a new one in a while so
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we’re just really excited to bring this
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to you today leave limbo.com is the link
10:58
go check it out and i will see you over
11:01
there
11:08
[Music]
11:20
you

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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