What Makes You Attractive?

The start and the long-term success of your relationship require your partner to be attracted to you. Relationships die when your partner no longer finds you attractive, so clearly, attraction is extremely important. And to ensure that you have stable partnerships, you need to find people who get attracted to the right qualities that are sustainable. If looking great is your only strategy for attraction, the truth is that you will not look 20 forever. And looks would not be able to compensate for a shallow personality. So,

How do you become attractive?

Character

We all like people we can trust. Building character and living a life dictated by values attract more people toward you. Think about it. Who would you choose if you had to choose between an honest and a dishonest person for a life partner? Easy pick, right?

Building a strong character demands certain behaviors that are not easy because they do not always lead to desired consequences and requires you to work harder:

Living a life of truth: if you are someone who constantly lies, you will get caught soon and lose credibility with people. Nobody wants to be around such a person.
Confrontation: It is easy to hold a grudge, let resentment breed inside you, and let those negative energies manifest as snapping or gossip. People who lack the strength to be vulnerable with their loved ones do not qualify as good partners.
Loyalty: This is a no-brainer; you do not want your partner to be sleeping around with other people. Committing to someone is scary; it means putting all your eggs in one basket, but if you do not have the courage to do that, sooner or later, your relationship will fizzle out. Every relationship goes through hard times, and how you respond to those difficult situations determines the relationship’s fate. Do you fight for it, or do you run away?

Intelligence

Both IQ And EQ matter, and emotional intelligence matters way more. You want to be with someone who can handle their emotions and not dump their negative emotions on other people. Secondly, we are social animals and live in communities. We must have social etiquettes and basic skills to deal with those around us.

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Suppose you are someone who always lets anger get the best of you, finds it hard to trust people because you are too anxious, and let people take advantage of you without ever succeeding at building deep, respectful relationships. In that case, you have some self-improvement work to do.

Think about it this way: would you be attracted to the person I just described above?

Effort

John Gottman said, ‘Love is not in the big things but in small everyday gestures.’

Who would not like a man that kisses you goodnight daily? We are social beings that require support, so we want someone who can physically and emotionally be there for us when we need them.

So, when someone puts effort into telling us that they love us, care about us, are there for us, and value our presence in their lives, we find them dependable and, therefore, feel attracted to them.

Confidence

Nobody wants to constantly reassure someone else of their worth; it is already enough that we have to do that for ourselves. Insecure people do not make good candidates for a relationship, and their constant need for validation tires the other person and kills the attraction they initially felt.

I have already written a detailed article about it: Your insecurity is killing your relationship.

Confidence encompasses certain qualities:

high self-esteem: knowing your worth. (Detailed article here: How did I improve my self-esteem?)
self-awareness: confident people know who they are, their values, and their belief systems, and they are not scared to own it up. They know what matters to them and make decisions accordingly without worrying about pleasing the external world.
they carry themselves well: demeanor, not looks, is what grasps people’s attention. do you smile? do you look presentable? is a firm handshake a skill up your sleeve? These small things that ooze an air of confidence about you matter.

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Thanks for reading.

Check out my other pieces on relationships and life here: Bhanu Singhal

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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