When I first heard about a show called, “Married at First Sight,” I wasn’t interested at all. It’s a reality show on Lifetime. I thought the premise was problematic. People meet for the first time on their wedding day and then over the course of several weeks decide if they want to stay married.
They are essentially marrying a stranger despite being matched up by experts. I thought it was mocking the challenges marriage poses for even people who have been together for years. However, the show has lasted 12 seasons.
What made me finally turn the show on was the chatter among friends about the marriage of Chris Williams and Paige Banks in season 12.
There are so many lessons through watching this one couple.
The show opens on the wedding day of the couple. They don’t see each other prior to the wedding in front of their family and friends. As they give interviews, Chris says, the only thing he is worried about is that he won’t be attracted to his future wife.
Chris stands at the altar. The doors open and his self-fulfilling prophecy comes true. Despite Paige Banks being a beautiful, accomplished woman, he confesses that he’s not attracted to her. He, then, expresses this to her friends.
Paige, on the other hand, seems genuinely interested in getting to know Chris. They go to have a discussion following becoming man and wife. They find out they have similar career interests and both are religious so it’s assumed they have similar values. It seems like they could be a good couple until Chris explains to Paige that he ended a relationship with his fiancée prior to coming to the show to marry her.
Insert the record skip. Paige is understandably disappointed but she hides it and decides she is committed to her vows and they proceed with their reception.
The next day, they rejoin the other couples who have also gotten married at first sight. The women talk about their wedding night. This is when Paige confesses that she had sex with her husband on the wedding night, twice, and with no protection.
Chris admits to the men that he wasn’t attracted to Paige, but had sex with her to see if he could spark some attraction.
Through several more episodes, Chris is running hot and cold. He tells Paige he’s not attracted to her. Then, he tells her that he might be developing feelings for her. Paige seems genuinely confused but also waiting for Chris to sort out his feelings.
Then, Chris drops the bomb on Paige and their marriage. He says that his fiancée is 7 weeks pregnant. He tells Paige that he wants a divorce so he can be with the mother of his future child.
He asks Paige to join him along with the ex-fiancee to discuss his future plans. He sits next to his ex-fiancee leaving Paige, his wife, to conduct the entire conversation. Both women seem to understand that neither of them is responsible for the situation and they almost console each other while they are comparing details. Chris gets mad and visibly shuts down as it seems like he expected either a girl-fight or a pat of congratulations that he orchestrated the whole thing.
As I tried to piece together what I was watching, I had so many questions for both Chris and Paige:
- If Chris wanted to get married, why would he marry a stranger over his fiancée?
- If he broke up with the fiancée, why was she so recently pregnant?
- If he wasn’t attracted to Paige, why would he have sex with her twice?
- For Paige, why would she continue through each time he rejected or embarrassed her?
The way I feel watching this is that I am watching two people participate in a marriage that they have decided with their minds to participate in. Their hearts were not a factor.
As they continue to stick to their decision, they are overlooking so many red flag signs of disrespect and emotional abandonment. Chris is haphazardly making decisions that affect Paige without consulting her. She isn’t confronting him or discussing her feelings because they don’t have an emotional foundation. Both are trying to protect their heart. Their relationship is based on nothing more than the contract they signed.
Neither has a stake in protecting the other. There are no rules to their relationship. There is no honest communication. We are essentially watching a power struggle.
Paige said she thinks Chris went into the marriage for the wrong reasons, but she did as well. She wanted to be a wife, but she didn’t get a husband. It’s more than a ring, a day and a pretty dress. When it comes down to making decisions and deciding the direction of your future, you need to be on the same side before you make it official.
The show isn’t over, but it looks like we will see the “for worse” of better or worse.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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