What Really Keeps Him Faithful — Values, Discipline and Your Partnership

What determines whether your husband cheats on you is not how much he loves you, but his values and self-discipline.

To have a faithful husband, what needs to be cultivated is not just love between the two of you, but strong values and self-respect on his part.

Recently I read an article interviewing married couples who have maintained passion and fidelity for many years. Almost all of them emphasize ‘values’ and ‘commitment’ to the marriage as key, rather than love or attraction.

I know this can be a hard truth to accept. We all want to believe that as long as our husband loves us deeply, he won’t cheat. But the reality is more complex. A husband may love his wife but still be unfaithful. A man who lacks values and self-discipline may act on impulse and cheat, even if he loves you. Why’s that? He may think he can get away or he may even think that it’s just a minor indiscretion.

On the other hand, a man who has strong values and respects himself will not easily damage his marriage and family. He knows and is willing to restrain himself for what he holds dear. Whether or not his love at the moment is happy or not, his values will keep him faithful.

So instead of focusing on how much he loves you, work with him on nurturing positive values and practicing self-discipline! Be each other’s best friend and strongest support. Strong connections and shared values are definitely the best safeguards against cheating.

There are some practices you two can work together throughout the entire marriage journey:

1.Discuss values and commitment together.

Remember to have honest conversations about what you value in your marriage and family, and the commitment you have made to each other. Ensure both of you agree that cheating and unfaithfulness go against those values.

2.Practice discipline in other areas.

Help each other build self-discipline in other areas such as on health, finance, and personal habits. A small win in self-discipline can help strengthen their discipline in other areas. Remember to support each other to overcome temptations.

3.Be his best friend.

The more you connect with each other emotionally and share life’s ups and downs, the less likely he seek emotional or physical intimacy with others. Be each other’s strongest support.

4.Seek counseling if needed.

If there is an issue in the relationship, don’t ignore them. Get help from professional help. Prevention is definitely easier than dealing after cheating. If, unfortunately, he cheated on you, don’t make excuses for him or blame yourself. His action already showed his lack of values and self-discipline. It may be time to move on and you deserve a faithful partner. Consider relationship counseling or a trial separation if needed.

Cherish each other, but also hold each other to high standards. Building a happy and long-lasting marriage takes work. However, by nurturing shared values and practicing discipline, marriage will be tested by time. Remember you both made a promise of faithfulness on your wedding day. The love will deepen and you two will be glad for what you did!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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