When you have a sister, it’s often considered to be a blessing. She can be someone you look up to or someone who you help raise, depending on age. Sometimes, a sister can be your companion, getting into all sorts of adventures with you, even in adulthood. And other times, she’s a rival.
However, not everyone has a good relationship with their sister. She may seem to dislike you, want to spite you, or the two of you haven’t spoken to each other in a long time. Whatever the reason, here’s what you should do if the relationship with your sister isn’t the best.
First, Remember That You Don’t Have to Have a Relationship
There are many who believe that you have to be friendly and have a relationship with your family. Strong family bonds can help you, especially when you’re suffering or need help, but not all family is good. Toxic family members can be bad for your mental health, and if you’ve tried to change them and failed, you don’t have to have an obligation to have a relationship with them.
With that said, every situation is different and many bad familial relationships are fixable. Let’s look at some ways you can repair a relationship with your sister.
In Addition, You May Not Have Compatibility
Not every sibling relationship is going to be closely tight-knit. We may imagine sibling bonds being thick, but many siblings have different personalities, perspectives, and interests. This especially applies if the siblings weren’t raised under the same roof. However, siblings that were can still be incompatible.
In some cases, you may not be close to your sister, but your relationship may not necessarily be difficult. Instead, you may just be civil with each other. Not everyone has to like each other, even family members.
Did It Happen a Long Time Ago?
There are many reasons why difficult relationships happen, and when it comes to family, it can sometimes be due to something that happened a long time ago. For example, you may still be upset over your sister over something that happened when you were kids. For instance, maybe you had an older sister who was into bullying, and you can’t forgive her into adulthood.
Your emotions are valid but remember that people change, especially when it happened during childhood, a period where the brain isn’t quite developed yet. You may want to talk to them and clear the air. You may find that the relationship is easier to repair than you think.
It always feels good to forgive someone, so try doing that if what happens was years ago.
Talking to Your Sister
When you need to talk with your sister about something you need to get off your chest, it can be a challenge to find the right time to do so. You may need to schedule a time. Don’t go in right away. Do it when both of you are in a good mood, and try to meet in neutral ground. By good mood, we also mean sober. Even if both of you are happy drunks, you do want to be sober.
Neutral ground means away from friends and family who may be biased. A park or a coffee shop may be some examples of good neutral ground.
Communication Tips
When you talk to your sister, or brothers, about your issue, the communication tips are usually the same. You don’t want to sound angry and confrontational. This isn’t to say that you can’t show any emotion at all; chances are, you will let a little emotion slip through the cracks. However, you should not come across as too angry.
Talk about how you feel. Use “I” language and avoid saying “you.” For example, if your sister called you ugly, talk about how that insult made you feel on a personal level.
Also, do it in person, if possible. Texting and similar forms of communication can leave room for misinterpretation and possibly make the difficult sister relationship even worse. If you can’t meet in person, consider making a video chat.
Seek Therapy
You may think that therapy is for desperate people, but that’s not true. There are many cases where a therapist or counselor can repair a family bond. We often don’t know how to communicate our issues with our sisters, and we may end up coming across as confrontational no matter how hard we try.
A therapist can be the mediator for a sibling fight. The therapist can communicate your points in a way your sister can understand, which is especially important if you’re a little awkward.
If there was an issue that you can’t let go, a therapist can teach you ways to help let it go. Some people hold grudges, but it’s still possible to let them go.
Learning to Be Civil
You may not be compatible with your sister, and you may not like each other, but there are still family gatherings to consider, as well as other events where you have to meet up with your sister. In this case, therapy or some discipline can help you be civil. Learn to make small talk. Get yourself out of the room if the conversation with your sister becomes too toxic for your liking. As we said, you don’t have to be in a close relationship with your sister, but in many cases, you may be able to handle her in small doses.
Cutting Them Out
There are times where you have to end the relationship with your sister. Some siblings can be toxic regardless of therapy, and they may end up driving you up the wall every time you visit them. It’s okay to end the relationship, or at least take a long break. Doing this may help you live a happier, healthier life.
Relationships are complex, and not every sibling relationship was meant to be. However, many can be fixed with some effort.
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