When a family member passes away, you’ll face many emotions. While we all expect to experience those moments of sadness, some people are surprised by how stressful coordinating funeral arrangements can be. These details, coupled with handling the finances and identifying documents of the deceased, can make knowing what to do when someone dies difficult. The following post provides tips and resources for making this experience as simple as possible.
What to Do When Someone Dies: Steps to Take
If your loved one has just passed away, there are many steps you’ll need to take to prevent problems later. For instance, you’ll need to convene with family members to determine whether the deceased had any special requests upon their death. You’ll also need to make decisions about their final interment as well as obtain an official death certificate.
Let’s take a look at some of these steps more in-depth.
Inform Family Members and Friends
After the individual’s death, you’ll need to alert other family members and close friends. You can do this in person or over the phone if necessary. Don’t forget to let the deceased’s employer know that they have passed. Even if the individual was no longer working, they may have maintained strong connections at the workplace.
Additionally, the person’s place of employment may need certain documentation to start the life insurance benefits process later on. You’ll also want to alert your loved one’s doctor and emergency personnel if necessary. (Details about notifying authorities of a loved one’s death at home are provided later in this guide.)
Review Existing Pre-Arrangements
Some people have taken the time to think through their funeral plans earlier in life. Often, older individuals will put these pre-arrangements in writing or let a family member know of their wishes. The person may express preferences for what their funeral services look like. If you’re loved one hasn’t passed yet and you’re discussing their wishes with them, you can use this AARP pre-arrangement resource to help guide the conversation.
Begin Funeral Arrangements
While pre-arrangements can be a convenient place to start planning your family member’s funeral, only about one-third of Americans have a plan in place. Without this plan, the surviving family members must plan the funeral themselves. Try to consider what your loved one would have preferred. You can personalize the funeral service with a reference to one of their passions (for instance, you may all wear a pin that symbolizes the person’s favorite animal or color). Some families may also play the deceased’s favorite hymn or another song they loved.
The Georgia Funeral Directors Association has compiled this convenient resource that discusses funeral specifics. Among the things you’ll need to decide on for the funeral are:
- When the funeral will take place, including the day and time
- Where the funeral will take place
- An outline of the funeral service
- Whether you’ll have a viewing of the body
Choose Final Interment Procedures
Another important part of funeral planning is deciding the nature of the person’s final resting place. If the deceased didn’t express a preference, you’ll need to decide if you want their body buried in a casket or if you want to have their body cremated.
Burial
For traditional burials, you’ll need to choose a casket. This resource covers the pros and cons of different types of caskets, including wooden and metal ones. You’ll also need to choose a gravestone for your loved one’s grave. Some decisions involved in this step include choosing between slate, marble, granite, sandstone, and other materials. You’ll also need to decide what you want the gravestone to say. For help choosing what to say, visit this article about gravestone quotes from My Caring Plan.
Cremation
Another option for final interment is cremation. The most common type of cremation is flame-based, and this is the kind most people think of when they hear the word “cremation.” If you choose to have your family member cremated, their body will be carefully cleaned and prepared for the process. Some states have a 48-hour waiting period before a body can be cremated.
Once their body has been cremated, you’ll need to decide what you want to do with the ashes. You can keep your loved one’s ashes in an urn at home, have them interred in a columbarium niche, or you can even scatter them at a special place.
A more recent form of cremation is alkaline hydrolysis. This type of cremation is water-based and no tissue is left after the process. Local laws differ on how the process is carried out, but you can review this article by the Cremation Association of North America for more information.
Write an Obituary
Writing an obituary is a convenient way to inform the community of your family member’s passing. While obituaries have traditionally been published in newspapers, virtual obituaries are a good option for honoring the deceased in a way that’s accessible to people worldwide.
An obituary describes the person’s life and includes information such as the names of surviving family members and a brief history of the individual’s life. For guidance on figuring out how to start writing an obituary, you can follow these tips from a partnership of hospice programs.
Plan a Celebration of Life
After your loved one’s funeral, you may want to plan a celebration of life. While funerals are typically somber occasions, celebrations of life focus on remembering all the wonderful things about the person who has passed. The vibe is generally more upbeat and less formal. If you’re not sure how to plan a memorial, consult this AARP resource. It provides advice for planning a meaningful and personalized celebration of life.
Order an Official Death Certificate
You’ll also need to order an official death certificate as proof that your loved one has passed away. This document is important for many reasons, as it can help you close out the deceased’s personal accounts. Death certificates are legal documents that you’ll need to access insurance benefits and essentially “prove” that an individual has passed away.
Write Thank You Notes for Sympathy Cards
When someone passes away, their family will likely receive many sympathy cards, phone calls, and home visits. Writing thank you notes to people who have expressed their condolences is a kind way to show your gratitude. You can buy premade sympathy cards and send them, or you can create your own.
How to Handle the Deceased’s Finances
Besides dealing with the emotional side of your loved one’s passing, another factor that many people find difficult is dealing with the financial part of a person’s death. While it can be difficult to think about in the aftermath of someone’s passing, handling the financial side of things can prevent problems later.
Keep Up With the Bills
You’ll need to keep up with the deceased’s final bills. This includes filing one last tax return for them, as well as paying their mortgage and utilities. The nonprofit Wings for Widows has compiled this list of tips for filing a tax return if your spouse has recently died.
Cancel Credit Cards and Bank Accounts
Don’t forget to cancel your loved one’s credit cards and bank accounts. It’s understandable that you’ll have many questions about their financial accounts and what to do with them in the aftermath of the person’s death. The truth is that situations vary greatly, however. This list of frequently asked questions about handling finances after someone dies can point you in the right direction.
Handle Life Insurance Policies
Another big part of navigating the deceased’s finances is dealing with any existing life insurance policies. If your loved one had a life insurance policy, they may have named a beneficiary (or multiple beneficiaries). A beneficiary is a person who is entitled to the life insurance benefits.
Some people may not have designated a beneficiary, which means any benefits will be distributed according to the person’s will. For more information about handling life insurance policies and other financial factors, this guide provided by the Teachers Insurance and Annuity Association of America can help.
Contact the Executor of the Will
The executor of a will is the person who ensures the will is carried out according to the deceased’s wishes. In general, the executor will decide whether to sell the individual’s home and handle any estate or inheritance taxes.
If you’ve been named the executor of the will, refer to this resource for a detailed breakdown of the legal terms. Otherwise, another person will be appointed as the executor.
Protect Your Loved One’s Identity
Identity theft doesn’t just happen to people while they’re alive. Unfortunately, the identity of the deceased individual can also be a target for crime. That’s why it’s important to cancel their driver’s license, passport, and all social media accounts. If you prefer to keep their social media account active, some platforms have a special option for the accounts of people who have died. This option typically allows friends and family of the deceased to post in memoriam messages to honor their loved one.
What to Do When Someone Dies at Home
Many older people die at home. Sometimes, this is by choice. For example, if a person is aware that they are in the end stages of life, they may enroll in a hospice program. Hospice is a program designed to provide comfort, rather than curative treatment. Many people in hospice choose to pass away in their home rather than in a hospital or other medical setting. Here are what steps to take when someone dies at home.
Respect Their Wishes
Make sure you’re aware of the person’s wishes. Some seniors may have a do-not-resuscitate order (DNR). A DNR order is an official document written by a doctor that requests CPR not to be performed in an emergency. CPR doesn’t just involve hand-performed CPR but can also refer to defibrillators, breathing tubes, and certain medications.
Call Medical Personnel
Even if someone has a DNR order, you’ll need to call 911. Make sure you have a copy of the DNR order (if one exists) with you because the medical personnel will perform CPR otherwise. You can also contact the person’s hospice program so that a nurse can verify the death.
If you’ve already selected a funeral home, you can notify them to come and pick up the deceased’s body. If you haven’t yet chosen a funeral home, the person’s body will be transported to a morgue until a funeral home is selected.
When Someone Dies Without a Will
Not everyone has prepared a will. When someone dies without a will, the exact steps that must be taken vary from state to state and county by county. This article by Legal Aid of West Virginia describes the process of handling your loved one’s affairs when they don’t have a will. Keep in mind that you’ll need to check with your local laws to verify steps you’ll need to take.
In general, you should contact a lawyer to guide you through the process. Typically, the court system will choose a family member to handle the affairs. Any remaining debts will be paid off, and the remaining money will be divided between family members. This resource is an example of what happens in the state of Georgia when someone dies without a will. It can be used as a general guide, but again, you’ll need to check into your own state’s laws.
Take Care of Yourself
An often-overlooked part of handling a loved one’s affairs after their death is taking care of yourself. As you have seen in this guide, there is a long list of steps that need to be taken when someone dies. Remember that you are never alone in this process, and many resources exist to help.
Let people help you. Chances are that many people are going to offer their support at this time. Accept their help when possible. Don’t try to handle everything on your own. You can lean on friends and family at this time, and delegate as much as possible. For example, you can have a friend help you address all those thank you notes. You can also ask a family member to handle steps like choosing a casket or organizing a celebration of life for the deceased.
Consider grief support groups. Virtually everyone loses a loved one at some point in their life. Even if you had some time to prepare yourself for the thought of your family member’s death, that doesn’t mean their passing is any easier. If you find yourself struggling to deal with your emotions, look into a local support group specifically created for grieving individuals. Many meet in person while others meet virtually. To find a support group in your area, use this directory compiled by Evermore, a nonprofit that was created to calling attention to bereavement.
Consider counseling. Another option is to seek professional counseling or therapy. Working with a licensed therapist can help you navigate the grief process in a professional setting, whether it’s online or in the therapist’s office. To find a professional in your area, you can use this directory from The Center for Prolonged Grief.
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This post was previously published on My Caring Plan.
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