The Philadelphia Eagles play the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl 59. Yes, using Roman numerals are so overrated. In the Eagles win over the Washington Commanders in the NFC Championship game, running back Saquon Barkley ran for 122 yards and 3 touchdowns.
On ESPN First Take, guests discussed what Saquon Barkley meant to the Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl run. ESPN Analyst and Super Bowl Champion Retired Pittsburgh Steelers Safety Ryan Clark said, “My therapist said, ‘If you closed your eyes and thought about what happiness would be tomorrow morning, what would that be?’ And I answered the question.”
Ryan said, “If you ask Howie Roseman (Philadelphia Eagles General Manager), that would be Saquon Barkley.”
Too bad, Ryan didn’t share the answer to his therapist during the show. I would have loved hearing what he said. Host of The Pivot podcast, Ryan Clark is a good man, a family man, and he loves his life. Nothing, but mad love and respect to him.
My answer to Ryan’s therapist’s question: When I open my eyes tomorrow morning, I would be 6’2”, handsome, rich, married to Charlize Theron, and living in Bel Air. Hypothetically, that would be happiness for me. That’s complete fantasy. Although that’s not what Ryan’s therapist asked for. That’s not what my therapist Lance Miller has asked for, either.
What would happiness be for me?
In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism is there will always be suffering in life. The Fourth Noble Truth is the path to end suffering. On my path to end suffering, I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I’m responsible for my happiness. No one else is. I source my happiness. I make my happiness. No one else can.
Dad scared the hell out of me when I was 8-years-old. I never knew what I did or didn’t do that made him so angry with me. I only knew that I was not the son he wanted. I was his greatest disappointment in life. I was not good enough for Dad. I never would be. I would never be good enough for anyone, including myself. I suffered. On the path to end suffering, I participate in therapy and train in Aikido.
I work with Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. I forgive Dad for not knowing how to be a father, for being afraid inside too, and for being imperfectly human. Dad only did what his father had done to him. He didn’t know any better. I have profound compassion to that. I forgive myself for not being strong enough to stand up to Dad as a little boy and protect Mom. I forgive myself for being imperfectly human, too. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I make my happiness.
In Aikido, Ishibashi Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido is to release your fear.” He said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” When the bigger stronger man punches to my face, I wait it out. I enter the attack, get under the attack, get in the danger. I make my distance. Make my timing. I hold my position. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s me against me. I’m my greatest opponent. I work on myself, not on others.
I apply nikkyo (wristlock) to myself and match the punch with yoko-iriminage (strike to the side of the head) to the attacker. I can let the attacker pass or end the attack. The attacker can take the fall or get hit in the head. We both choose. I could win or lose. The attacker could win or lose. What happens, happens.
Every time I enter the attack, enter what I fear, get in the danger, I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear I let go more of my fear inside. I’m quiet inside. I can be happy inside.
When we train, Ishibashi Sensei reminds me, “Everything quiet inside.” That’s for Aikido and in life. I work on myself, not on the attacker, not on others. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. In my quiet inside, I create peace, I create happiness.
I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else. I have a say in what goes inside me. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do. Everything quiet inside me. I’m happy inside. That’s what happiness is for me. What’s happiness for you? Just asking.
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Photo: iStock
