“What’s My Body Count”

I could have written this below and told you all that it was someone’s story, like a friend or a colleague, but y’all, no, it’s not. It’s happening to me. And don’t laugh, I am kinda of hoping to hear what you have to say to me.

I am new to this kind of thing, and I would appreciate the kind advice, I mean, criticism is okay too, but why be mean? Such a beautiful/handsome person like you.

Since the beginning of this year, I decided that I will give myself a chance if love comes my way.

As everyone here is a virtual friend, I am going to openly admit that I am a twenty-nine-year-old grown ass woman, and I have never been in a real relationship.

When I was around twenty-five, I tried, but it turned out that he was constantly competing with my younger sisters to be the first priority in my life. I didn’t like how he spoke about me spending and giving my energy to my sisters. In short, I couldn’t do it. That’s the only time I consider myself to have been in a relationship.

This year, though, I decided that before I fully make thirty, it’s probably a time to start returning smiles, receiving compliments with a smile, and responding positively to attention being given to me.

My first attempt with someone who had a wife[not official], but they were together like a family and had a kid. I got to find out about all that when the wife texted me. Then I ran without looking back.

Another one appeared — they always appear, Lol, somehow they always appear from nowhere.

He checks more than 80% on the box if I am to give a rating. I hadn’t found a lot of problems with him. Besides, it hasn’t been a long time yet, and I am still getting to know him better, and of course, being careful, maybe extra careful.

What? What do you expect from a twenty-nine-year-old woman who has never been in a real relationship? And has been by and for herself all this while. Of course, I am complicated.

However, some of his questions are starting to turn me off, and I don’t think he realizes it yet.

First, he asked about my past relationship, which I answered with no problem

Then he went on to ask for more and more details. The details after details weren’t fine with me, but still, I answered.

And then last night, during the call before sleeping. And oh, one thing he does and makes an effort even when he is traveling, is goodnight checking in calls and good morning messages.

He asked what my body count is.

I probably overreacted, but without hesitation, I told him,

“I am not going to answer that.”

As much as I have nothing to hide, I didn’t feel like his question was important to our current status. I don’t know what he would gain by getting the answer to the question.

It feels like he was invading my privacy, and that sort of invasion isn’t necessary. It should be a relationship that focuses on the future and not the past. I don’t even have that kind of past.

Am I interviewing to join the convent or what? I would never ask him that kind of question. I don’t need that information; I find it unnecessary. I don’t want to be in a position where I am judging everything he does by the number of his past partners.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.